April 24, 2009
CRUISELAG PART 2
So, the first week back from our cruise comes to an end. I did well in breaking the way too much to eat habits. I only ate 5 times a day instead of 10! Kidding. A little. Having gained 9 pounds since Brett's bar mitzvah, I lost 4 back this week just by eating normally. But have beeen unable to get to bed early. Next week, its back to disciplined sleep habits or bust! No more late night tivo, blogging, scrabbling, facebooking, chatting etc. Need more sleep to be sure!
Now, where was I in crusieland? More highlights, review style:
KORNY'S KERNELS NUMBER 1 -- BINGO
We played bingo one game. It was a B&O column game. We bought 18 cards for $55 (as opposed to 6 cards for $45 -- see, a "bargain"!). What made the experience truly interesting was that we didn't get actual cards. We got a handheld "bingo machine." Looked like some sort of ATM machine for your hand and it electronically tracked and gave you stats. A first. I kind of like finding the numbers myself and circling them. This is like auto-scoring in the bowling alley. Takes some getting used to for sure!
I have played bingo periodically over the last 35 years on random getaways. The Catskills. The corny place with the heart shaped beds Dawn and I like when the kids were in camp in Pennsylvain. Have never won. I mean literally ever. I am left wondering what I could have done with the bingo losses, the losing lottery tickets had I never played. College tuition? A nrew car? A trip around the world? Probably not. Presumably i would have lost that money in blackjack, poker etc! Anyway, Dawn I kid you not hits the first 7 "calls" and we immediately need only 3 for the Carribean cruise for 2 giveaway. But alas the Kornfeld kiss of death at bingo gene kicks right in o ntime. We go cold on the next 3 calls and on the 11th call some sheepish, 14- year old kid gets up one away, is roundly booed and on the 12th number hits the bingo! And is roundly booed then politely applauded by the 250 plus losers who apparently I poisoned with the dreaded bingo curse! They had bingo on the cruise at various times but we only played once. For the big enchalanda. That's like, we only play the lotto or megamillions when it is 150m or more, since at 100m it isnt worth our time! Speaking of which the funny little megamillionsman was on last night, over 150m, I will get our tickets later . . .
KORNY'S KERNEL 2 -- CASINO
We walked through it a lot. It was pretty. Was only a tad smoky so not awful. It was the quickest way to the photos. Coincidence? I think not says the paranoid conspiracy theorist! Anyway, I played 100 bucks worth of blackjack, played two shoes and walked away with exactly 100 dollars. Pretty impressive! Interestingly, whereas in most casions there is always craps noise and action, onthe ship no one, literally, no one played craps. Blackjack and roulette. I also did not play the two texas hold em tounraments. They take up too much time theoretically but next cruise, I am playing.
KORNY'S KERNEL 3 -- ENTERTAINMENT
3 comedians. One, Bobby Collins from NYC was hilarious. Another was being inadvertently hecklrd by a loud 2 year old girl who scream-laughed at every sentence the guy spoke. He couldn't even set up the joke without here from the balcony scream-laughing (new word alert -- scraughing). At first it was funny but after the third time people were literally glaring at the parents who brought their 2 year old to the 9 pm comedy show, and who would not stop talking so loud throughout it was actually distracting.
One production show ("Marquee") -- good not great (Broadway tribute). The funniest night -- Love and Marriage -- take off on the Newlywed Game. They chose a newlywed couple, whose combined age happened to be almost 180! The older man of course unbeknownst to the audience who selected them to participate could barely hear which inadvertently made the whole thing funny for the audience and nearly impossible for the cruise director. As an aside the cruise director was hilarious and energetic and distinctive in his own right that he actually made the shows fun on his own. Anyway, back to Love and Marriage -- they picked a couple from NC married 15 years (they were very funny and reminded you of one of the couple that would actually be on that game show! laughing, arguing, ribbing, etc.) and finally a couple married 50 years. That couple looked incredible! Tanned, rested, impeccably dressed. The man in this couple on stage looked like Hesch, the counsel/bookie for Tony Sporano (i.e. the actor now playing the chief on Rescue Me, or for a movie reference, the gentleman who courts Shirley McClain at the retirement home in the "classic" movie "In Her Shoes, which stars among others the legendary Cameron Diaz, the woman who is the lead on United States of Tara (and played Alice's obsession, Dana, the professional tennis player who dies a shocking and quick death during the L Word), and whose husband in In Her Shoes was played by the "good" Republican on Ways and Means during the Season 2 hearings into Bartlett's failure to disclose his MS, who helps Leo avoid having to publicly testify to his pre-election relapse in the hotel room while trying to raise last-minute money for Bartlett in flashback scenes . . . -- [This my friends is a true stream of cosnciousness entertainement filled references diversion from the original story!] The wife (back to the Love and Marriage thing) was polished. And they as a couple were adoreable. Questions about bra sizes, first dates, the first thing the man touches in the morning besides the alarm clock, movie that best describes their love life etc etc. Room was packed and it was howlingly funny! The poor Cruise Director couldnt help but laugh when the newlywed man, who was a ham, could barely hear a thing.
Throw in the human contortionist acrobat couple, more comedians, some magic (wea kfor me), and the evening entertainment was quite enjoyable. The Crusie director doing his Evolution of Dance imitation/rendtion was priceless. And should have made YouTube.
And of course, despite asking them every night the kids opted out of being with their folks after dinner. Every single night. They went to the Living Room, the Sports Court, did pajamas movie night, capture the flag, night clubbing, and other teen activities at Pharoh's Palace and The Crypt (adult club). Dawn and I had drinks all over the ship, outside the pub (who had a great bar singer who got audience participation in drinking songs), in the jazz club, etc. Live music all over the ship is a huge bonus. Creates a buzz. Fun. We didn't participate in the all ship parades, 70s night, etc. Not our thing even though it looked funny. We did go dancing one night ourselves briefly which was also a lot of fun.
We did Sports Trvia one night in advance of the show. Team Zen. We finished respectably. One funny note -- before the contest, the kids were "prepping" and they asked me the name of the 4 nba teams whose last name does not end in S. And wouldn't you know that the bonus trivia question was that exact one. Pretty incredible. P.S. For those curious -- Jazz, Heat, Thunder, Magic.
RCTV -- Royal Carribean TV -- hilarious. Got Foxnews, a CBS mixer channel, and 4 movies that played over 8 channels in 5 different languages (Iron Man in Portugues, French, Spanish for example), plus the cruise ship channels where you could watch the shows, the promenade entertainement, people walking by etc. Brett took a liking to Sean Hannity, which scared Dawn!
KORNY KERNEL 4 -- FOOD
We had the Main Seating for Dinner at 6 pm, our waiter of course loved the boys and was exceptionally attentive, the bread and drink man (the kids did all you can drink soda package) performed little magic tricks, Dawn bought the chef's cookbook which the waiter had the executive chef, himself and the assistant waiters sign, etc. The food vascillated between ok, good, great and exceptional.
My pet peeve -- not enough sweet, chocolatey desserts that were NUT-FREE!!! I am hell bent on opening some sort of eatery which does not have nuts. Of any kind!! I only had dessert in the dining room once because the only non nut thing was usually cheesecake! I thought the lobster/shrimp night was outstanding. The bread was great as were the salads. Appetizers were usally very good. I thought the steaks/lamb were good not great. When I went a little off center the food was just ok. On balance very good. Over 6 meals exactly what you would expect. We had one nice dinner at the steak house on board Chops. Kids loved it. As did I. Nice presentation, service etc. of course, if memory serves, no dessert for me! Not that I need it.
Breakfasts -- we did dining room twice where we met other folk, we did buffet twice, did room service once. We also did the buffet lunch the first day on the ship. We also tried all the other goodies. Seemingly every snack in the coffee shop, burgers onion rings and shakes at johnny rockets, ben and jerrys, fresh feta and good pizza at sorrentos, daquiries, and fun drinks by the pools and so on and so forth.
All in a foodfest as expected.
KORNY'S KERNELS 5 -- SHOPPING
Off the ship, to repeat hated Labadee (waste of money), barely anything really in Jamaica, modest shopping in Caymans, and awesome shopping in Cozamel. Kids bought tshirts, doodads, knick knacks, chatckes, or what Dawn and I used to affectionately refer to as completley useless objects. Moraccas, flute with name carved in it, stupid/funny t-shirts, hats, I bought a 3 Amigos sombrero (see the pisctures posted on facebook), we bought every hustler's picture request pretty much (these are super fun), baseball caps, Dawn bought great jewelry, sterling silver, etc. Whereas dawn and the kids like "negotiating" I find it tiring. Dawn does well in these barters. A master at work.
On the ship, we got a great necklace as a rememberance, some funks liquor chocolates, and many, many, many, many photos!
KORNY'S KERNEL'S 6 -- ART AUCTION
Ok, this is where we go nuts. Free champagne, raffles, plus looking at art. We have gone to two auctions and we love looking at galleries. I know nothing of art the way people who study do. I just like it. Anyway, we take leave of our senses here, but did buy two really beautiful pieces. We showed rerstraint not buying an original we loved, or the memerobilia art signatures of Ali and Frazier, in favor or true art. It was a lot of fun ans the lovely couple from Park West did a nice job. Of course then they call, slip stuff under the door every day. Once they hook you it is all over! We will need to make room in our ever shrinking house space.
KORNY'S KERNELS 7 -- EXCURSIONS
Mentioned them in last blog. But to repeat, the whole snorkeling thing scared me. Made me literally sick. I simply couldnt get past it, started having all types of morbid thoughts and flashes. So staying on boat, lying in sun made more sense. I got wicked red the first day, played it safe on other days, laid out most of last day, came home with uneven burn/tan which faded nicely in time for this weekend's 80s plus! Kids look great. Plus the whole Flor Rider experience captured on video. Good stuff (even the falls, flops and head bops).
I am sure there is much much more I am forgetting. It was an action packed, fulsome, diverse trip. Exactly as it should have been. The kids loved it.
. . . . . .
But of course, it wouldnt be us if some sort of drama did not ensue. In addition to the random kid stuff, Brett being a witness to an assualt by an adult on the basketball court where he had to give a report (and track me down during love and marriage), Brett leaving us hilarious voicemail, sarcastically complaining one night that he couldnt reach us by phone or text (of course not our fault as at that time, no service), getting charged for a pay per view movie that never came on, getting charged an extra 40 bucks instead of discount price for the metabollism, stomach shrining detox treatment I did on last day (Dawn got roped in for all types of skin stuff for her relaxation stuff, whereas I smartly resisted spending 3 thousand dollars for a year-long algae detoxification program despite the excellent presentation by the nice therapist from South Africa), some other service issues, Dylan being overtired on occasion from too much action, not enough sleep, too much food, heat, long bus rides, me almost losing my wallet in the Dunns River Falls, Dawn getting wicked sun burn from her snorkeling/stingray experience, the kids getting a little too much in each others' faces in the room on occasion, brett hurting his finger playing air hockey (contact sport apparently) and sleeping away much of the last day from exhaustion, Dylan having trouble getting into the night club on last night, the downlight (new word alert) (as opposed to highlight) was the return trip. But not for the normal end of vacation, who wants to go home blues reasons one would expect.
No, no -- my son of course (he has my genes in there for some of the bad stuff) sadly, forgets, misplaces, loses his laptop either in Miami, on the plane, in LaGuardia at the pretzel place or the bathroom. He was rightly inconsoloable. Only realized it was missing at baggage claim. We spent an extra 90 minutes checking, rechecking the plane, our steps etc. As of today, no luck finidng. I wanted to be super mad, but since I can see that being me, and he was truly heartbroken, it served no purpose but to add flavor to the story of what it is like to be in our circle of drama!
A great trip, lousy return! In a nutshell. Future random tidbits as they come to me.
KORNY'S KERNELS OF TRUTH 8 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE
Who thinks there was a reason Detroit cut Sheffield? Put differently, he cant hit anymore and is huritng the Mest along wit hthe terrible rotation and alineup of nobodies. They will compete due to pen Santana and the 4 studs but note to Omar, this team is not built well enough to win yet.
Who thinks that the Susan Boyle story is the breath of fresh air desperately needed in a week of sick human tragedy?
Who thinks that Dunkin Donuts may be geeting (new word alert) Starbucked, in terms of food service? In other words, maybe they should just stick to donuts and coffee?
Who thinks the good weather may finally be here to stay?
Who is now a cruise travelling convert?
Happy weekend one and all!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
CRUISELAG
APRIL 21, 2009
OUR CURISE -- PART 1
CRUISELAG = WORD OF THE DAY
Hey all. Needed a full day to recover before blogging our Carribean cruise. Off the charts good. I am suffering from Cruiselag. That is, the desire to eat 7 times a day, charge everything to a card, eat at midnight, shop relentlessly, lay in the sun, swim, not work. Jetlag without the exhaustion. Weening off life on a ship is no small feat! Trust me. The kids stomachs expanded and mine exponentially. Getting used to human portions, rain, commuting, being entertained, working etc is a whole decomprerssion experience for which someone should run a seminar!
The cruise was packed. The ship massive. Over 1400 kids alone. Our kids would have dinner with us and then would not be seen until close to the 1 am curfew. They too are suffering Cruiselag with the return to bedtimes more akin to that of a 13 and 11 year old.
KORNY'S KERNELS NO. 1 -- SEASICKNESS
I did not get seasick. And got progressively better as cruise went on. Last night at sea was rough. Biobands on wrist plus the patch. Kids were great as was Dawn.
KORNY KERNEL NO. 2 -- TOP 5 POSITIVES=NEGATIVES OF THE WHOLE CRUISING EXPERIENCE (MOST HAVING TO DO WITH FOOD!!!!!)
5. The "Bread Man." At every dining room dinner, the bread man comes with rolls. Sour dough. Corn muffins. Rye. Banana. Poppy seeds (bite sized). Croissants. We had on average about 35 pieces of bread at every dinner! I was partial to the Wednesday banana bread -- the only night they had it. Poppy came in second. Negative? "The Bread Man" -- At every dining room dinner the nice assistant waiter would come by repeatedly with tons of rolls and we would happily oblige. This is not good for the waistline, the carb thing, etc etc.
4. Free Desserts. Every night without fail, after having stuffed our face with salad, bread, appetizers, entrees and the dessert of the night (as an aside cool dining room "stat" -- they served over 100,000 plated meals on the cruise to the more than 5000 people) we would be inspired to go to the coffee shop for a plate of additional treats. Lemon Poppee loaf, chocolate brownie, some chocolate thing I cant pronounce, etc. This was awesome. Negative? Every night after dinner we would after stuffing our face inevitably add a plate of desserts . . . . You get the picture.
3. Doubles -- two lobsters, two appetizers, two entress. The all you want mentality is cruising. Postive equals a negative!
2. Photomania -- Positive -- pictures by the multiple dozens. On the boat, off the boat, formal, casual, playful, with hats, in front of signs, with locals, without locals, in bars, in restaurants, in front of the ship, not in front of the ship. Mkaes incredible memories. The negative? Hundreds of photos, relentless, costs a zillion dollars, kids get whiney when forced to pose etc etc. This is far more of a positive than a negative when you choose the pcis each day to purchase for the scrapbook master of our domain, Dawn!!
1. Kids on their own -- Kids freedom meant adult time every night. Casino. Shows. Shopping. Walking. Art. Coffee. Etc. Negative? Really first time we "stayed up" waiting to see if our kids :made curfew" (1 am). Plus them being out later than us confirms the aging process. Positive equals a negative too!
KORNY'S KENREL 3 -- THE RE-CAP IN STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
Glcihes -- There were some gliches of course. For example, we set up a flo rider private lesson. The first day we tried, they said all booked. Next night we set it up for 745. Strategically planned. At 550 right befor eour dinner they cancel due to only the 2 boys. Being Father of the Year I agree to pay for 4 so the kids arent disappointed. Dylan was very sad when they cancelled. The ship handled that very poorly. They never said minimum of 4. And to do that but then say pay for 4 and we will do it, was poor client service. That said turned into huge positive. Kids had whole thing to themselves to boogy board and get surf lesson, and drew a massive crown opf onlookers who were supremely jealous. Plus the lesson giver was fun with them so it worked out well.
There was apparently an incident at the basketball court involving a rambunxious adult and some kids., Brett was a witness. The lack of ship personnel near the court at night was not great. Also, found it weird pool would be open 24 hours but never any staff there to supervise -- in essence, all at your own risk.
Labadee Haiti. Great beach but crazy crazy scorching hot. And the shopping was insane. The merchants who want to sell you boxes, masks, moraccas, engraved stuff, beads, whatever are not just relentless. It is charming to be huslted for about 2 minutes then it is just downright nuts. Artisans, flea market -- couldnt walk 5 steps without being attacked. After being mauled non-stop we surrendered. The best moment for me on this excursion? A one hour nap in the hammock on the beach after a cold beer. My personal least favorite stop. In fairness though the lunch and the show on the beach were fun. But the shopping ruined it for me.
Ocha Rios. This trip was jammed. Buses, tractors. Saw the Jamaican plantation, learned about sugar canes, pineapples, the histroy of Jamaica's independence, and the country's obsession with phrase "YeMon and "No Problem,." Lunch on that trip at a beautiful beach was also great, but the timing was compressed. The higjhlight was climbing the Dunns River Falls. Was actually scary. A little crazy. Got soaking wet. Almost lost my wallet (forgot to take it out of course). Took a near header at the end. Dawn hurt her Knee but we survied it. Was worth it. I was way out of comfort zone. Loved the plantation surprisingly and all in although very "busy" fun.
Caymans -- boat to middle of gorgeous water. Kids and Dawn snorkel and swim w stingrays in stingray city. I wimp out. Fear of the snorkel equipment, ear of drowning, pit in my stomach, not being comfortable breathing with the equipment, etc etc. I opt for the boat and some sun. Kids love it, we get in some good shopping after lunch at one of 10 greatest beaches.
Cozamel -- boat to ocean for 105 ft beneath the sea submarine dive. Very cool. Then drinking eating and funning in Cazamel. Great shopping. Three Amigos and Senor Frogs.
Amazing excursions.
Tomorrow -- bingo, art auction, sports court, sunburns, the pool, the Cruise Director, the shows, the ice cream, the food, the shopping, the room, the showers, the loss of the laptop, the itenerary daily, RCTV, Iron Man, Indian Jones, 21, different languages, our head waiter, service issues in and around us, the steak house, the illusoryness (new word) of the "seapass"
KORNY'S KERNEL NUMBER 4 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO?
Wonders if he always has bad random luck (picking the wrong security line, picking the wrong lane at the toll, etc)?
Wonders if people who pay things with a card think they dont owe the money?
Wonders if the smell of Ben and Jerry's is the best smell in the world?
Wonders if he can ever have a piece of technology work at its most basic level
Wonders if Sean Hannity and Keith Olberman should get into the WWE in a Last Man Standing Steel Cage Match
Wonders if he should buy Senor Frogs and live on the beach?
Wonders if there is a recession based on the recent cruising experience and the fact that the Treasury hasnt spent all of the bail out money yet?
Wonders if the video was broken on that play in Yankee stadium?
Wonders how it is possible to lose only 3 pouns in 2 months working out eating healthy and getting sick but gaining 9 pounds in 14 days eating like the end was near?
More cruising musings tomorrow.
OUR CURISE -- PART 1
CRUISELAG = WORD OF THE DAY
Hey all. Needed a full day to recover before blogging our Carribean cruise. Off the charts good. I am suffering from Cruiselag. That is, the desire to eat 7 times a day, charge everything to a card, eat at midnight, shop relentlessly, lay in the sun, swim, not work. Jetlag without the exhaustion. Weening off life on a ship is no small feat! Trust me. The kids stomachs expanded and mine exponentially. Getting used to human portions, rain, commuting, being entertained, working etc is a whole decomprerssion experience for which someone should run a seminar!
The cruise was packed. The ship massive. Over 1400 kids alone. Our kids would have dinner with us and then would not be seen until close to the 1 am curfew. They too are suffering Cruiselag with the return to bedtimes more akin to that of a 13 and 11 year old.
KORNY'S KERNELS NO. 1 -- SEASICKNESS
I did not get seasick. And got progressively better as cruise went on. Last night at sea was rough. Biobands on wrist plus the patch. Kids were great as was Dawn.
KORNY KERNEL NO. 2 -- TOP 5 POSITIVES=NEGATIVES OF THE WHOLE CRUISING EXPERIENCE (MOST HAVING TO DO WITH FOOD!!!!!)
5. The "Bread Man." At every dining room dinner, the bread man comes with rolls. Sour dough. Corn muffins. Rye. Banana. Poppy seeds (bite sized). Croissants. We had on average about 35 pieces of bread at every dinner! I was partial to the Wednesday banana bread -- the only night they had it. Poppy came in second. Negative? "The Bread Man" -- At every dining room dinner the nice assistant waiter would come by repeatedly with tons of rolls and we would happily oblige. This is not good for the waistline, the carb thing, etc etc.
4. Free Desserts. Every night without fail, after having stuffed our face with salad, bread, appetizers, entrees and the dessert of the night (as an aside cool dining room "stat" -- they served over 100,000 plated meals on the cruise to the more than 5000 people) we would be inspired to go to the coffee shop for a plate of additional treats. Lemon Poppee loaf, chocolate brownie, some chocolate thing I cant pronounce, etc. This was awesome. Negative? Every night after dinner we would after stuffing our face inevitably add a plate of desserts . . . . You get the picture.
3. Doubles -- two lobsters, two appetizers, two entress. The all you want mentality is cruising. Postive equals a negative!
2. Photomania -- Positive -- pictures by the multiple dozens. On the boat, off the boat, formal, casual, playful, with hats, in front of signs, with locals, without locals, in bars, in restaurants, in front of the ship, not in front of the ship. Mkaes incredible memories. The negative? Hundreds of photos, relentless, costs a zillion dollars, kids get whiney when forced to pose etc etc. This is far more of a positive than a negative when you choose the pcis each day to purchase for the scrapbook master of our domain, Dawn!!
1. Kids on their own -- Kids freedom meant adult time every night. Casino. Shows. Shopping. Walking. Art. Coffee. Etc. Negative? Really first time we "stayed up" waiting to see if our kids :made curfew" (1 am). Plus them being out later than us confirms the aging process. Positive equals a negative too!
KORNY'S KENREL 3 -- THE RE-CAP IN STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
Glcihes -- There were some gliches of course. For example, we set up a flo rider private lesson. The first day we tried, they said all booked. Next night we set it up for 745. Strategically planned. At 550 right befor eour dinner they cancel due to only the 2 boys. Being Father of the Year I agree to pay for 4 so the kids arent disappointed. Dylan was very sad when they cancelled. The ship handled that very poorly. They never said minimum of 4. And to do that but then say pay for 4 and we will do it, was poor client service. That said turned into huge positive. Kids had whole thing to themselves to boogy board and get surf lesson, and drew a massive crown opf onlookers who were supremely jealous. Plus the lesson giver was fun with them so it worked out well.
There was apparently an incident at the basketball court involving a rambunxious adult and some kids., Brett was a witness. The lack of ship personnel near the court at night was not great. Also, found it weird pool would be open 24 hours but never any staff there to supervise -- in essence, all at your own risk.
Labadee Haiti. Great beach but crazy crazy scorching hot. And the shopping was insane. The merchants who want to sell you boxes, masks, moraccas, engraved stuff, beads, whatever are not just relentless. It is charming to be huslted for about 2 minutes then it is just downright nuts. Artisans, flea market -- couldnt walk 5 steps without being attacked. After being mauled non-stop we surrendered. The best moment for me on this excursion? A one hour nap in the hammock on the beach after a cold beer. My personal least favorite stop. In fairness though the lunch and the show on the beach were fun. But the shopping ruined it for me.
Ocha Rios. This trip was jammed. Buses, tractors. Saw the Jamaican plantation, learned about sugar canes, pineapples, the histroy of Jamaica's independence, and the country's obsession with phrase "YeMon and "No Problem,." Lunch on that trip at a beautiful beach was also great, but the timing was compressed. The higjhlight was climbing the Dunns River Falls. Was actually scary. A little crazy. Got soaking wet. Almost lost my wallet (forgot to take it out of course). Took a near header at the end. Dawn hurt her Knee but we survied it. Was worth it. I was way out of comfort zone. Loved the plantation surprisingly and all in although very "busy" fun.
Caymans -- boat to middle of gorgeous water. Kids and Dawn snorkel and swim w stingrays in stingray city. I wimp out. Fear of the snorkel equipment, ear of drowning, pit in my stomach, not being comfortable breathing with the equipment, etc etc. I opt for the boat and some sun. Kids love it, we get in some good shopping after lunch at one of 10 greatest beaches.
Cozamel -- boat to ocean for 105 ft beneath the sea submarine dive. Very cool. Then drinking eating and funning in Cazamel. Great shopping. Three Amigos and Senor Frogs.
Amazing excursions.
Tomorrow -- bingo, art auction, sports court, sunburns, the pool, the Cruise Director, the shows, the ice cream, the food, the shopping, the room, the showers, the loss of the laptop, the itenerary daily, RCTV, Iron Man, Indian Jones, 21, different languages, our head waiter, service issues in and around us, the steak house, the illusoryness (new word) of the "seapass"
KORNY'S KERNEL NUMBER 4 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO?
Wonders if he always has bad random luck (picking the wrong security line, picking the wrong lane at the toll, etc)?
Wonders if people who pay things with a card think they dont owe the money?
Wonders if the smell of Ben and Jerry's is the best smell in the world?
Wonders if he can ever have a piece of technology work at its most basic level
Wonders if Sean Hannity and Keith Olberman should get into the WWE in a Last Man Standing Steel Cage Match
Wonders if he should buy Senor Frogs and live on the beach?
Wonders if there is a recession based on the recent cruising experience and the fact that the Treasury hasnt spent all of the bail out money yet?
Wonders if the video was broken on that play in Yankee stadium?
Wonders how it is possible to lose only 3 pouns in 2 months working out eating healthy and getting sick but gaining 9 pounds in 14 days eating like the end was near?
More cruising musings tomorrow.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DONT BLOG FOR AWHILE!
April 8, 2009
Hi all. been awhile. No excuses. I have been lazy, preoccupied, and more interested in tv, texas hold em and vacation planning. We head for our cruise Saturday so I may or may not blog it depending on laptop reception in the room late at night. The first blog post-cruise will be "Square One" (with my working out, my eating habits, my weight loss plan). I have slipped considerably since the bar mitzvah. Havent gained a lot of weight but just developed bad habits. And while I will not make my goal weight for my 20th college reunion I do want to be respectable!
So in the spirit of Happy Passover and Easter here we go:
KERNEL NUMBER 1 -- KEANU REEVES
Ok, I am channel surfing the other night and I happen upon one of what I believe to be, what I call the "all-time best worst movies" ever. Pointbreak. Presidential-mask wearing bank robbers by day, surfer legends by night are at the epicenter of this would-be cop drama. A completely healthy and buff Patrick Swayze (reinforcing how sad it is to see pictures of him now dying from pancreatic cancer). And Keanu. It's near the end when I turn it on but it reminds me that every time I see it I am reminded of how Keanu is truly the worst actor, and the worst policeman in the movies of all time. Agent Utah. What a name. I laugh every time.
In this movie he got his girlfirend (played by the insecure something to prove sister to Geena Davis in A League of Their Own) kidnapped and nearly killed, he got his partner played by the then awesome Gary Busey (a chilli dog at 9am eating wise cracking surly vet of a cop, think fat unhealthy Mel Gibson from Lethal Weapon) actually killed, he loses the suspects in an on foot chase because his kneee blows out, he can't shoot worth a lick, and then when he chases Swayze ("Brody" -- now that's a cool surfer name) to some typhoon once-in-a-lifetime wave in some remote area of the world (where I am sure dozens of federal police would fly in helicopters) he handcuffs Brody to bring him back to the states to send him to prison, only to let his inner surfer dude dictate, and give in to Brody's demands that he get the chance to ride the once in a lifetime wave to a drowning blaze of glory.
Now with due respect to my sci fi bretheren who think Keanus is the S in the Matrix movies (full disclosure -- I HATE sci-fi, so these movies wouldn't work for me if played by DeNiro, Nicholson, Pacino, John Cusack, etc.), he is by far the single worst actor ever. In essence, every role he sounds like himself from Big and Ted's Excellent Adventure, a poor man's Jeff Spicolli (Sean Penn -- Fast Times at Ridgemont High). Plays the same dope in Parenthood (where he crashes his mini racing car into a wall gets a concussion etc.).
The dialogue at the end of Pointbreak is designed to be serious, drama and you will burst out laughing if you ever watch it. "It had to be that way." "Are you surfing?" "Every day?" "People got hurt." "Yeah, it went bad. Real bad." I mean you can't make this sort of stuff up.
You know how you know he's a bad cop? Because you are rooting for the bad guy. Seriously, when I watch Clint play a cop you can't wait for him to exact revenge. Same with Glover and Gibson in Lethal Weapon. Willis in Die Hard. But with Keanu, you hope he drowns in the wave, or that Dennis Hopper blows Keanu up on the bus during Speed! Don;t even get me started about his efforts to play the leading man in romance movies (that stupid movier where he played the guy from the war, the lake movie, and so on).
Pointbreak is a must-see BECAUSE of how stuipid the dialogue is, and how badly Keanu delivers it. And because Swayze makes the most out of this ridiculous role, with Gary Busey in his pre-brain damaged prime, and Swayze's sidekick, who is a true bad ass. Gets shot and then sky dives out of the plane hoping to survive giving Keanu the proverbial finger as he does. Pretty cool.
As a footnote, Swayze is in another "all-time best worst movies' ever -- Roadhouse. He plays a philosophical "cooler" (distinct from a bouncer) who goes in to clean up the corrupt local town. Kelly Lynch is the apple of his eye as she plays the doctor who treats him after he takes a knifing during one of the bar brawls. The movie is so ridiculous its actually entertaining. His old mentor sidekick with the handlbar mustache who looks 70 years old gets killed and Swayze exacts revenge. He is tormented you see by having killed a man in a prior cooling incident years earlier and simply is trying to outrun his inner torment. Seriously. In any event, recent WWE Hall of Fame inductee, and hard-core legend Terry Funk delivers the line of the movie. "You don't look like shit to me." Swayze responds intellectually with the classic retort "Opinions vary." Funk's facial reaction to that line is so well delivered its worth the price of Netflix to rent it. So too the blind guy who plays paino and sings in the cage at the bar.
3 other "best worst" movies (which are arguably different than "guilty pleasures" movies and "overrated critically acclaimed movies") include: (i) Over the Top (Stallone the arm wrestler who has to win to win back his son's affection and respect); (ii) Celtic Pride (Dan Akroyd and Daniel Stern (who is far far far away from his funny turn in City Slickers as the slacker friend with the miserable wife, the affair with the check out girl, who develops a mini crush on the woman who played Billy Jean, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the woman Michael J Fox falls in love with in Secret of My Success [Krsitine Swanson] kidnapping Daymon Wayans) and (iii) Eddie (Whoopi Goldberg as loyal Knick fan who is literally plucked out of the back row and made coach of the team by her then lover, and Academy Award nominee Loggia for Nixon, to compete against Dennis Ferinnia who plays tons of over the top would-be mob guys often).
One day I will do a whole top 10 of these, guilty pleasures, etc. As a footnote overrated critically acclaimed movies include "Last of the Mohicans, Dances with Wolves (Costner will get his own blog one day), Piano (I love Harvey Keitel and this was by far one of the worst movies I have ever seen and went on to win like a million awards), My Left Foot (Daniel Day Lewis thing), and Kiss of a Spiderwoman.
KENREL NUMBER 2 -- SMELLS
Lately, I cannot help but notice a ton of disgusting smells in NYC. First, the other day every street smelled like bum. I mean literally. Nauseating horiffic body odorish bum. Could not find a street that worked. And this led me to think about the other hideous smells that I have been encountering.
On the corner of 52nd and lex waiting to cross the street every day I am overpowered by the disgusting aroma of what I think is a batch of their cinnamon icing. But is awful. Vomitously so. it is only surpassed by the smell of Subways in the morning as it opens and is baking bread. Then there is the smell of steakhouses at 9am. Pass by one at night and it is inviting. Pass by one during the moring before coffee and it is just bad.
KERNEL NUMBER 3 -- WRESTLEMANIA 25
I was about 50% on my predictions. We did watch one of the best matches of all time in Taker-Michaels. Worth the money!
KERNEL NUMBER 4. -- UCONN WOMEN
Wow. Dominant. What an incredible run. 39-0. That is pretty impressive for any sport. Little league, CYO hoops. I wonder if Coach Gino could enjoy such success in men's hoops. Would be cool to find out -- might highlight differences between the sports, or signal that basketball is basketball regardless of level, gender, etc. I wonder about these things.
Plus I won my one and only Men's NCAA pool this year by nailing the Final Four, the Final 2 and the Champs. NC was the real deal from Day 1. Roy Williams is now the man in college hoops coaching. Izzo with 5 final 4s in 11 years need not take a back seat to the rest of the coaching fraternity. Nice to see Nova back in Final 4 24 years since Rollie gave me my favorite non-Yankee sports moment ever.
KERNEL NUMBER 5 -- SIR-MIX-A-LOT AND FRIENDS
What do you get when you combine SIR-MIX-A-LOT, rapper deluxe of classic one hit wonder "Baby Got Back", the Burger King King, Sponge Bob, dancing women with phone books? Arguably the single dumbest commerical ever. Sounds about right. I am thinking Ronald McDonald needs to take the Burger King King to the woodshed, old school mascot style. And perhaps Tone Loc, or maybe even the Sugar Hill Gang needs to speak with Mix (who incidentally looks like he shed a few pounds over the years so cool for him). Maybe its my anti Sponge Bob. I don't know.
KERNEL NUMBER 6 -- BASEBALL
Too early to get excited. Yanks will only go as far as their pitching. Would be nice if they didn't give away April every year but that it seems two games in might be too much to ask. Met fans will be happy all summer as they have the horses to compete all season with the new bullpen. Beware the TO effect of Gary Scheffield. Once a lethal hitter, I suspect he will be released by June 15. At this stage his bat and talent are more than offset by his reputation as clubhouse destoryer (fairly or unfairly). I think it will look a lot like last year. Phils, Cubs, Dodgers and then the Mets. Yanks, Tampa, Red Sox, Angels, Twins will compete. Surprise team in NL -- Florida. in AL -- Texas (no pitching but will improve).
KERNEL NUMBER 7 -- RANDOM NOTES
Lie to Me is officially becoming the best/coolest show on tv.
Rooftop bars in NYC are awesome.
I think we have finally emerged from the post-bar mitzvah hangover. Now on to Dylan's! (October 30 2010!!)
How's the economy treating everybody?
Knicks seem to be mailing in the season's end. 30 wins. Wow. Irony is that Charlotte coached by
Larry Brown with lesser talent outperferformed them. Celtics will win the title again if Garnett is healthy.
On any given day we have trouble with the garage doors, the remote control, the Internet. We would like to take these for granted, please.
During baseball season I like reading USA today for the little daily baseball blurbs. And the transactions report.
Tiger will win the Masters this weekend. Again.
Is it wrong to be hungry all the time?
How do I get in the Eminem new celebrity mocking video?
KERNEL NUMBER 8 -- AM I THE ONLY WHO WONDERS?
If I can hire a FB assistant to go through what I want to read and what I don't?
If Rescue Me will have its best season yet with a 6-episode arc including the incredible Michael J Fox, playing a wheelchair bound wise cracker involved with Tommy's (Dennis Leary) ex wife?
If Kelly Pickler will win a country music award a la Carrie Underwood?
If the Kornfeld family vacation can be drama free? The pre-departure stress, panic of checking lists and making sure every one is packed and ready to go could be the makings of a reality tv show.
If the Knicks should honor the sad and untimely passing of Marvin the Eraser Webster with "Eraser Night" at the Garden?
If Seth Rogen could be any funnier?
If the passing of Lipstick Jungle qualifies as a traghic tv death or mercy killing?
If any one noticed the end of Life on Mars?
How is it possible that John Stamos and Bob Saget are both on tv, so too Stamos' love interest from Full House (she plays th mom on the new 90210), but not the goofy other guy?
How is it possible that they could do a Melrose place re-make and not have Marcia Coss guest star as the dimented Kimberly? heather Locklear will eventually be the show's star again which is cool since she hasnt really aged since they last were on the air.
How is it possible that Fast and the Furious 4, with Vin Diesel having returned after missing the middle 2 and 3, had a record-breaking first wekeend and will do over $150m?
If my blog could be any longer about non world events?
HAPPY PASSOVER AND EASTER ALL. MUCH LOVE.
KORNY
Hi all. been awhile. No excuses. I have been lazy, preoccupied, and more interested in tv, texas hold em and vacation planning. We head for our cruise Saturday so I may or may not blog it depending on laptop reception in the room late at night. The first blog post-cruise will be "Square One" (with my working out, my eating habits, my weight loss plan). I have slipped considerably since the bar mitzvah. Havent gained a lot of weight but just developed bad habits. And while I will not make my goal weight for my 20th college reunion I do want to be respectable!
So in the spirit of Happy Passover and Easter here we go:
KERNEL NUMBER 1 -- KEANU REEVES
Ok, I am channel surfing the other night and I happen upon one of what I believe to be, what I call the "all-time best worst movies" ever. Pointbreak. Presidential-mask wearing bank robbers by day, surfer legends by night are at the epicenter of this would-be cop drama. A completely healthy and buff Patrick Swayze (reinforcing how sad it is to see pictures of him now dying from pancreatic cancer). And Keanu. It's near the end when I turn it on but it reminds me that every time I see it I am reminded of how Keanu is truly the worst actor, and the worst policeman in the movies of all time. Agent Utah. What a name. I laugh every time.
In this movie he got his girlfirend (played by the insecure something to prove sister to Geena Davis in A League of Their Own) kidnapped and nearly killed, he got his partner played by the then awesome Gary Busey (a chilli dog at 9am eating wise cracking surly vet of a cop, think fat unhealthy Mel Gibson from Lethal Weapon) actually killed, he loses the suspects in an on foot chase because his kneee blows out, he can't shoot worth a lick, and then when he chases Swayze ("Brody" -- now that's a cool surfer name) to some typhoon once-in-a-lifetime wave in some remote area of the world (where I am sure dozens of federal police would fly in helicopters) he handcuffs Brody to bring him back to the states to send him to prison, only to let his inner surfer dude dictate, and give in to Brody's demands that he get the chance to ride the once in a lifetime wave to a drowning blaze of glory.
Now with due respect to my sci fi bretheren who think Keanus is the S in the Matrix movies (full disclosure -- I HATE sci-fi, so these movies wouldn't work for me if played by DeNiro, Nicholson, Pacino, John Cusack, etc.), he is by far the single worst actor ever. In essence, every role he sounds like himself from Big and Ted's Excellent Adventure, a poor man's Jeff Spicolli (Sean Penn -- Fast Times at Ridgemont High). Plays the same dope in Parenthood (where he crashes his mini racing car into a wall gets a concussion etc.).
The dialogue at the end of Pointbreak is designed to be serious, drama and you will burst out laughing if you ever watch it. "It had to be that way." "Are you surfing?" "Every day?" "People got hurt." "Yeah, it went bad. Real bad." I mean you can't make this sort of stuff up.
You know how you know he's a bad cop? Because you are rooting for the bad guy. Seriously, when I watch Clint play a cop you can't wait for him to exact revenge. Same with Glover and Gibson in Lethal Weapon. Willis in Die Hard. But with Keanu, you hope he drowns in the wave, or that Dennis Hopper blows Keanu up on the bus during Speed! Don;t even get me started about his efforts to play the leading man in romance movies (that stupid movier where he played the guy from the war, the lake movie, and so on).
Pointbreak is a must-see BECAUSE of how stuipid the dialogue is, and how badly Keanu delivers it. And because Swayze makes the most out of this ridiculous role, with Gary Busey in his pre-brain damaged prime, and Swayze's sidekick, who is a true bad ass. Gets shot and then sky dives out of the plane hoping to survive giving Keanu the proverbial finger as he does. Pretty cool.
As a footnote, Swayze is in another "all-time best worst movies' ever -- Roadhouse. He plays a philosophical "cooler" (distinct from a bouncer) who goes in to clean up the corrupt local town. Kelly Lynch is the apple of his eye as she plays the doctor who treats him after he takes a knifing during one of the bar brawls. The movie is so ridiculous its actually entertaining. His old mentor sidekick with the handlbar mustache who looks 70 years old gets killed and Swayze exacts revenge. He is tormented you see by having killed a man in a prior cooling incident years earlier and simply is trying to outrun his inner torment. Seriously. In any event, recent WWE Hall of Fame inductee, and hard-core legend Terry Funk delivers the line of the movie. "You don't look like shit to me." Swayze responds intellectually with the classic retort "Opinions vary." Funk's facial reaction to that line is so well delivered its worth the price of Netflix to rent it. So too the blind guy who plays paino and sings in the cage at the bar.
3 other "best worst" movies (which are arguably different than "guilty pleasures" movies and "overrated critically acclaimed movies") include: (i) Over the Top (Stallone the arm wrestler who has to win to win back his son's affection and respect); (ii) Celtic Pride (Dan Akroyd and Daniel Stern (who is far far far away from his funny turn in City Slickers as the slacker friend with the miserable wife, the affair with the check out girl, who develops a mini crush on the woman who played Billy Jean, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the woman Michael J Fox falls in love with in Secret of My Success [Krsitine Swanson] kidnapping Daymon Wayans) and (iii) Eddie (Whoopi Goldberg as loyal Knick fan who is literally plucked out of the back row and made coach of the team by her then lover, and Academy Award nominee Loggia for Nixon, to compete against Dennis Ferinnia who plays tons of over the top would-be mob guys often).
One day I will do a whole top 10 of these, guilty pleasures, etc. As a footnote overrated critically acclaimed movies include "Last of the Mohicans, Dances with Wolves (Costner will get his own blog one day), Piano (I love Harvey Keitel and this was by far one of the worst movies I have ever seen and went on to win like a million awards), My Left Foot (Daniel Day Lewis thing), and Kiss of a Spiderwoman.
KENREL NUMBER 2 -- SMELLS
Lately, I cannot help but notice a ton of disgusting smells in NYC. First, the other day every street smelled like bum. I mean literally. Nauseating horiffic body odorish bum. Could not find a street that worked. And this led me to think about the other hideous smells that I have been encountering.
On the corner of 52nd and lex waiting to cross the street every day I am overpowered by the disgusting aroma of what I think is a batch of their cinnamon icing. But is awful. Vomitously so. it is only surpassed by the smell of Subways in the morning as it opens and is baking bread. Then there is the smell of steakhouses at 9am. Pass by one at night and it is inviting. Pass by one during the moring before coffee and it is just bad.
KERNEL NUMBER 3 -- WRESTLEMANIA 25
I was about 50% on my predictions. We did watch one of the best matches of all time in Taker-Michaels. Worth the money!
KERNEL NUMBER 4. -- UCONN WOMEN
Wow. Dominant. What an incredible run. 39-0. That is pretty impressive for any sport. Little league, CYO hoops. I wonder if Coach Gino could enjoy such success in men's hoops. Would be cool to find out -- might highlight differences between the sports, or signal that basketball is basketball regardless of level, gender, etc. I wonder about these things.
Plus I won my one and only Men's NCAA pool this year by nailing the Final Four, the Final 2 and the Champs. NC was the real deal from Day 1. Roy Williams is now the man in college hoops coaching. Izzo with 5 final 4s in 11 years need not take a back seat to the rest of the coaching fraternity. Nice to see Nova back in Final 4 24 years since Rollie gave me my favorite non-Yankee sports moment ever.
KERNEL NUMBER 5 -- SIR-MIX-A-LOT AND FRIENDS
What do you get when you combine SIR-MIX-A-LOT, rapper deluxe of classic one hit wonder "Baby Got Back", the Burger King King, Sponge Bob, dancing women with phone books? Arguably the single dumbest commerical ever. Sounds about right. I am thinking Ronald McDonald needs to take the Burger King King to the woodshed, old school mascot style. And perhaps Tone Loc, or maybe even the Sugar Hill Gang needs to speak with Mix (who incidentally looks like he shed a few pounds over the years so cool for him). Maybe its my anti Sponge Bob. I don't know.
KERNEL NUMBER 6 -- BASEBALL
Too early to get excited. Yanks will only go as far as their pitching. Would be nice if they didn't give away April every year but that it seems two games in might be too much to ask. Met fans will be happy all summer as they have the horses to compete all season with the new bullpen. Beware the TO effect of Gary Scheffield. Once a lethal hitter, I suspect he will be released by June 15. At this stage his bat and talent are more than offset by his reputation as clubhouse destoryer (fairly or unfairly). I think it will look a lot like last year. Phils, Cubs, Dodgers and then the Mets. Yanks, Tampa, Red Sox, Angels, Twins will compete. Surprise team in NL -- Florida. in AL -- Texas (no pitching but will improve).
KERNEL NUMBER 7 -- RANDOM NOTES
Lie to Me is officially becoming the best/coolest show on tv.
Rooftop bars in NYC are awesome.
I think we have finally emerged from the post-bar mitzvah hangover. Now on to Dylan's! (October 30 2010!!)
How's the economy treating everybody?
Knicks seem to be mailing in the season's end. 30 wins. Wow. Irony is that Charlotte coached by
Larry Brown with lesser talent outperferformed them. Celtics will win the title again if Garnett is healthy.
On any given day we have trouble with the garage doors, the remote control, the Internet. We would like to take these for granted, please.
During baseball season I like reading USA today for the little daily baseball blurbs. And the transactions report.
Tiger will win the Masters this weekend. Again.
Is it wrong to be hungry all the time?
How do I get in the Eminem new celebrity mocking video?
KERNEL NUMBER 8 -- AM I THE ONLY WHO WONDERS?
If I can hire a FB assistant to go through what I want to read and what I don't?
If Rescue Me will have its best season yet with a 6-episode arc including the incredible Michael J Fox, playing a wheelchair bound wise cracker involved with Tommy's (Dennis Leary) ex wife?
If Kelly Pickler will win a country music award a la Carrie Underwood?
If the Kornfeld family vacation can be drama free? The pre-departure stress, panic of checking lists and making sure every one is packed and ready to go could be the makings of a reality tv show.
If the Knicks should honor the sad and untimely passing of Marvin the Eraser Webster with "Eraser Night" at the Garden?
If Seth Rogen could be any funnier?
If the passing of Lipstick Jungle qualifies as a traghic tv death or mercy killing?
If any one noticed the end of Life on Mars?
How is it possible that John Stamos and Bob Saget are both on tv, so too Stamos' love interest from Full House (she plays th mom on the new 90210), but not the goofy other guy?
How is it possible that they could do a Melrose place re-make and not have Marcia Coss guest star as the dimented Kimberly? heather Locklear will eventually be the show's star again which is cool since she hasnt really aged since they last were on the air.
How is it possible that Fast and the Furious 4, with Vin Diesel having returned after missing the middle 2 and 3, had a record-breaking first wekeend and will do over $150m?
If my blog could be any longer about non world events?
HAPPY PASSOVER AND EASTER ALL. MUCH LOVE.
KORNY
Sunday, March 29, 2009
PLAY BY PLAY -- RE-CAP
MARCH 28, 2009
The re-cap of Brett's big day! AWESOME
Friday the 27th, Brett wakes up energized after throwing up and groaning in pain all day on Thursday. Happily, Dawn and I both wake up better too. Brett is not nervous at all; he's bored and doesn't know what to do with himself. In the good news category Jennifer (Dawn's best friend) and her family advise they will be coming. It was in doubt as they all were sick in Florida with a virus too. Random emails and calls from people throughout the day with tales of babysitting problems, possible delayed arrivals and related issues. But we all rest, Brett is geared up, our cousins arrive for a visit and dinner from a 12-hour drive from Ohio, we order sushi, and we watch tv rest of day. Brett going blind from videos. Dylan avoids the family bug and is healthy. Dawn, not loving my shirt and tie choices opts to steam my power blue with pink polka dots tie. Looks good.
But now as bed time Brett gets crazy. All are in bed by 9pm. But Brett can't sleep. Wired. And every time we are about to crash, he comes in to room. Dawn meanwhile now had hideous cold getting progressively worse. Can't sleep or breathe and is coughing insanely. At around 1:45 a.m. she leaves the bedroom. Not a good night sleep in the whole house but for Dylan.
Saturday the 28th -- THE BIG DAY
Alarms go off at 6 am. The service begins at 10:30 but there are 4 showers to be had, makeup, suits, belts, ties, etc. A hot water crisis as I shower but so be it. Kids are dressed by 645 handsome and ready to go. The food rule is plain roll. Dawn going through inventory of things she needs for the day (make-up, purse, water, medicines, and other emergency things).
I go for two Immodium breakfast having had stomach issues all week. Will allow me to eat all day without a second thought.
We get in the car at 750 a.m. The place opens at 830 for us. We have the Humanistic Congregation Torah we will be using (salvaged from Nazis) for the service. Hopefully at some point I can convince Dawn to post the Service she planned so people can see how the Humanisitic service she planned was organized. Anyway, we take a leisurely drive on an overcast drizzly morning. I am driving slower than usual to kill time. Dawn is in her beautiful new dress, wearing gorgeous new jewelry, Brett and Dylan handsome in their suits, me in the Navy blue Ralph Lauren purchased for the occasion. At about 811, I see an animal crossing the road in front of us. We thought it was a little tiny dog, but upon closer inspection it turns out to be a small fox, with a squirrel in its mouth. An interesting little sidebar to be sure. The drive while not long seems endless because Monroe Ct is not terribly vibrant. We pass our friends' business "Party Time Village" (kids children establishment) on the way.
We arrive at about 8:20 and despite forecast of clouds, the sun begins to emerge. A good omen.
The people at The Waterview are already geared up, and very reassuring. We go downstairs to where the service portion will be held (The Garden Room). And our first mini blip. The room while lovely has a layout problem. The way the seats are set up certain side angle seats will be blocked by columns and will not be able to cleanly see Brett do his Torah reading or his self-written Project. So we do some re-decorating, move some flowers around. Meanwhile, the backdrop with the water is gorgeous as the sun comes out more.
The people upstairs are doing their thing setting up the "football tunnel" for Brett's bar mitzvah party. The dance floor people from Durants are on time and already there putting in the huge dance floor we have added. Brett is having over 100 adults and over 80 kids. The people from Confetti who helped Dawn organize the party are wonderful and outstanding. The "tent" for the tailgating section (Brett's theme is a football one) is set up. The centerpieces, the blown up posters of Brett in football and other gear and professionals are perfect against the back wall (we took 3/4 of the huge room). The games (pop a shot, tripart air hockey, the folks from Interactive Entertainment, already there doing their thing) are well-spaced.
The photo man is on time so we are doing family photos from 845-930 or so. First us, then with grandparents, then with Aunt and Uncle from my side. My parents arrive looking good. But Dawn is getting a little nervous because the video/dj company has not yet arrived as of 945. Since the service is to start at 1030, Dawn is stressing. I quietly have the Waterview put in a where are you call. There is some consternation because the day before the Whitestone Bridge had been shut down for a zillion hours, and lots of people are coming from Long Island including these folks. Anyway, shortly after we place the call the DJ Yaehnny van pulls into the place as Dawn, myself and the boys are outside taking pictures. Brett doesn't love the outdoor pictures because his allergies are bad and the sun is in his eyes but we get some good shots with the water behind us.
At right around 10, I take a peek inside the party room. Dawn's vision coming to life. VIP placecards, life-size cut-outs of football players scattered throughout the room, each table with huge centerpieces with name of team wrapped at bottom with grass or turf planted, with an actual cut out player with the color and unform and number and name on the front. The tailgate tent has an actual barbeque which when you lift the cover has BAK (Brett Adam Kornfeld) water bottles. A huge cut out of Brian Westbrook's eagle unifrom (Westbrook is Number 36 on the Philadelphia Eagles, Brett's favorite team) with Brett's head inside the helmet. The DJ booth getting set up, the tables all set, half a dozen uniforms which say Kornfeld 13 (from different teams) hanging from the rafters, the party favors for the kids (huge blankets with Brett's logo) also set up. The party room coming together.
Guest start arriving shortly at or around 10 am. The service room downstairs now looks great. We start greeting people both up and down stairs for the next thirty minutes.
The service starts at around 10:40. Ten minutes later than we had said but no big deal. No real distractions. Brett truly rises to the occasion and does his Hebrew portion flawlessly, then delivers a really socially conscious and profound Project on Tzedakah and the importance of making it a part of your life (Tzedakah is a form of charity). Brett talks about his struggles and experiences in integrating the principles of sacrifice into his own life. He talks about his experience doing community service at the Jewish home for the elderly. He talks about what it all means to him. He talks of examples of service that have moved him. All in all his 10 minute project is really well-delivered. A proud moment. He then caps it with his "speech" thanking people which was very moving. His brother gives a great "top ten" list as to reasons why he loves his brother. Dawn gives her remarks and does not cry. I give a few comments reserving my more profound sentiments for the party.
All in all, a festive, error free, well-paced beautifully customized service by Dawn, perfectly delivered by Brett, creating a perfect memory. After lighting memorial candles, doing the blessings over bread and wine, exchanging gifts with the congregation, the entire service is done by 1130 a.m. on the dot. We step outside for 20 minutes for kiddish of wine and challah. By 11:50 its cocktail time. Brett was a true rock star on this day. Self-confident, poised, mature, well-spoken, thoughtful, humble, appreciative, deep, and personable. He was truly outstanding. Far better than we ever could have dreamed, or I ever was!
Cocktail hour -- always a personal favorite. I didn't ever actually see the Magician who I heard was really good. The kids all seemed to like the other cocktail hour entertainemnt "Game Show on Wheels." The hot pastrami station was my personal favorite carving station. But as we do in Kornfeld land, food was in excessive abundance! Passed Lamb chops, crab cakes, spanikova, and chicken skewers to name a few of the passed tastings, carving stations of hot turkey and flank steak, the kids corner with egg rolls, mozzarella, poppers, mini burgers, among others; chicken wings station, the asian station (dumplings, sweet and sours, general tso, lo mein), the tex-mex station (tacos, quesadilla type things), dual pasta stations, cocktail shrimps, and so on and so on. People were stuffed in first 20 minutes! Sun was out so people were able to walk right outside and take in the water view in the fresh air. Well spaced out and deftly handled by the staff. The best part -- plenty of room. Probably needed a second bar but it was big enough and lines for drinks moved quickly.
At about 1 pm we went upstairs. Room was ROCKING. Everything was perfect. DJ was off the charts. Loud, energized. Huge dancefloor. And for the next 4 hours we partied, danced, ate, drank. Chocolate fountain. Surprises during the hora (guest dressed as orthodox jews). Brett and Dawn do a surprise choreographed mother-son dance which will hit You Tube I am sure some time this week. We get re-introduced to the theme from Monday night football. The dancers are in referee jerseys to start. We run through "the crowd" . Kids are hanging getting Iskins, photmagic stuff, in the taligate section, by Brett's Snack shack. The filet, shrimp, checkin combo gets great reviews. Uncle Jon (Brett's godfather) and I do a quasi reprise of our teen years rapping out to The Sugar Hill Gang's "Rapper's Delight" (will show up on the video). The Brett montage is awesome, the DJ and crew are amazingly fun, they do a fast-paced Tv Trivia game, I give a heartfelt speech/toast which competes with the vianese dessert buffet, the ridiculously decadent chocolate fountain and the make your won sundae dessert bar section. USA-Russia hockey, tri air hockey double pop a shot are occupied all day. 80 plus kids are non-stop energy. Dawn and I get in a brief dance of Billy Joel's "You are my home". I notice that all of Brett's girl friends are tall, and look like 19! Eating, playing, dancing, emotional, energized, exhausting amazing party! Room looked incredible, service was impeccable, food excellent and most of all smiles everywhere. But for the "noise" (loud dj and music) adversely affecting those a little more senior or those who had a few drinks at cocktail hour, it was a blast.
Kids on way out get to raid the "candy to go" table! Grab huge bags with take-aways. Growns ups raided the candy table too! Big huge "bags" to go for the long rides home!
After 2 years of Dawn's hard work, and Brett's efforts, it all came together amazingly. It was truly a day for the ages. It was as close to perfect as there is which is no small thing since on these days any one of a million things could go wrong.
KERNEL 1 -- We had the time of our lives.
Pictures and more to follow in the coming weeks. Can't wait for people to see some of what is described here.
The re-cap of Brett's big day! AWESOME
Friday the 27th, Brett wakes up energized after throwing up and groaning in pain all day on Thursday. Happily, Dawn and I both wake up better too. Brett is not nervous at all; he's bored and doesn't know what to do with himself. In the good news category Jennifer (Dawn's best friend) and her family advise they will be coming. It was in doubt as they all were sick in Florida with a virus too. Random emails and calls from people throughout the day with tales of babysitting problems, possible delayed arrivals and related issues. But we all rest, Brett is geared up, our cousins arrive for a visit and dinner from a 12-hour drive from Ohio, we order sushi, and we watch tv rest of day. Brett going blind from videos. Dylan avoids the family bug and is healthy. Dawn, not loving my shirt and tie choices opts to steam my power blue with pink polka dots tie. Looks good.
But now as bed time Brett gets crazy. All are in bed by 9pm. But Brett can't sleep. Wired. And every time we are about to crash, he comes in to room. Dawn meanwhile now had hideous cold getting progressively worse. Can't sleep or breathe and is coughing insanely. At around 1:45 a.m. she leaves the bedroom. Not a good night sleep in the whole house but for Dylan.
Saturday the 28th -- THE BIG DAY
Alarms go off at 6 am. The service begins at 10:30 but there are 4 showers to be had, makeup, suits, belts, ties, etc. A hot water crisis as I shower but so be it. Kids are dressed by 645 handsome and ready to go. The food rule is plain roll. Dawn going through inventory of things she needs for the day (make-up, purse, water, medicines, and other emergency things).
I go for two Immodium breakfast having had stomach issues all week. Will allow me to eat all day without a second thought.
We get in the car at 750 a.m. The place opens at 830 for us. We have the Humanistic Congregation Torah we will be using (salvaged from Nazis) for the service. Hopefully at some point I can convince Dawn to post the Service she planned so people can see how the Humanisitic service she planned was organized. Anyway, we take a leisurely drive on an overcast drizzly morning. I am driving slower than usual to kill time. Dawn is in her beautiful new dress, wearing gorgeous new jewelry, Brett and Dylan handsome in their suits, me in the Navy blue Ralph Lauren purchased for the occasion. At about 811, I see an animal crossing the road in front of us. We thought it was a little tiny dog, but upon closer inspection it turns out to be a small fox, with a squirrel in its mouth. An interesting little sidebar to be sure. The drive while not long seems endless because Monroe Ct is not terribly vibrant. We pass our friends' business "Party Time Village" (kids children establishment) on the way.
We arrive at about 8:20 and despite forecast of clouds, the sun begins to emerge. A good omen.
The people at The Waterview are already geared up, and very reassuring. We go downstairs to where the service portion will be held (The Garden Room). And our first mini blip. The room while lovely has a layout problem. The way the seats are set up certain side angle seats will be blocked by columns and will not be able to cleanly see Brett do his Torah reading or his self-written Project. So we do some re-decorating, move some flowers around. Meanwhile, the backdrop with the water is gorgeous as the sun comes out more.
The people upstairs are doing their thing setting up the "football tunnel" for Brett's bar mitzvah party. The dance floor people from Durants are on time and already there putting in the huge dance floor we have added. Brett is having over 100 adults and over 80 kids. The people from Confetti who helped Dawn organize the party are wonderful and outstanding. The "tent" for the tailgating section (Brett's theme is a football one) is set up. The centerpieces, the blown up posters of Brett in football and other gear and professionals are perfect against the back wall (we took 3/4 of the huge room). The games (pop a shot, tripart air hockey, the folks from Interactive Entertainment, already there doing their thing) are well-spaced.
The photo man is on time so we are doing family photos from 845-930 or so. First us, then with grandparents, then with Aunt and Uncle from my side. My parents arrive looking good. But Dawn is getting a little nervous because the video/dj company has not yet arrived as of 945. Since the service is to start at 1030, Dawn is stressing. I quietly have the Waterview put in a where are you call. There is some consternation because the day before the Whitestone Bridge had been shut down for a zillion hours, and lots of people are coming from Long Island including these folks. Anyway, shortly after we place the call the DJ Yaehnny van pulls into the place as Dawn, myself and the boys are outside taking pictures. Brett doesn't love the outdoor pictures because his allergies are bad and the sun is in his eyes but we get some good shots with the water behind us.
At right around 10, I take a peek inside the party room. Dawn's vision coming to life. VIP placecards, life-size cut-outs of football players scattered throughout the room, each table with huge centerpieces with name of team wrapped at bottom with grass or turf planted, with an actual cut out player with the color and unform and number and name on the front. The tailgate tent has an actual barbeque which when you lift the cover has BAK (Brett Adam Kornfeld) water bottles. A huge cut out of Brian Westbrook's eagle unifrom (Westbrook is Number 36 on the Philadelphia Eagles, Brett's favorite team) with Brett's head inside the helmet. The DJ booth getting set up, the tables all set, half a dozen uniforms which say Kornfeld 13 (from different teams) hanging from the rafters, the party favors for the kids (huge blankets with Brett's logo) also set up. The party room coming together.
Guest start arriving shortly at or around 10 am. The service room downstairs now looks great. We start greeting people both up and down stairs for the next thirty minutes.
The service starts at around 10:40. Ten minutes later than we had said but no big deal. No real distractions. Brett truly rises to the occasion and does his Hebrew portion flawlessly, then delivers a really socially conscious and profound Project on Tzedakah and the importance of making it a part of your life (Tzedakah is a form of charity). Brett talks about his struggles and experiences in integrating the principles of sacrifice into his own life. He talks about his experience doing community service at the Jewish home for the elderly. He talks about what it all means to him. He talks of examples of service that have moved him. All in all his 10 minute project is really well-delivered. A proud moment. He then caps it with his "speech" thanking people which was very moving. His brother gives a great "top ten" list as to reasons why he loves his brother. Dawn gives her remarks and does not cry. I give a few comments reserving my more profound sentiments for the party.
All in all, a festive, error free, well-paced beautifully customized service by Dawn, perfectly delivered by Brett, creating a perfect memory. After lighting memorial candles, doing the blessings over bread and wine, exchanging gifts with the congregation, the entire service is done by 1130 a.m. on the dot. We step outside for 20 minutes for kiddish of wine and challah. By 11:50 its cocktail time. Brett was a true rock star on this day. Self-confident, poised, mature, well-spoken, thoughtful, humble, appreciative, deep, and personable. He was truly outstanding. Far better than we ever could have dreamed, or I ever was!
Cocktail hour -- always a personal favorite. I didn't ever actually see the Magician who I heard was really good. The kids all seemed to like the other cocktail hour entertainemnt "Game Show on Wheels." The hot pastrami station was my personal favorite carving station. But as we do in Kornfeld land, food was in excessive abundance! Passed Lamb chops, crab cakes, spanikova, and chicken skewers to name a few of the passed tastings, carving stations of hot turkey and flank steak, the kids corner with egg rolls, mozzarella, poppers, mini burgers, among others; chicken wings station, the asian station (dumplings, sweet and sours, general tso, lo mein), the tex-mex station (tacos, quesadilla type things), dual pasta stations, cocktail shrimps, and so on and so on. People were stuffed in first 20 minutes! Sun was out so people were able to walk right outside and take in the water view in the fresh air. Well spaced out and deftly handled by the staff. The best part -- plenty of room. Probably needed a second bar but it was big enough and lines for drinks moved quickly.
At about 1 pm we went upstairs. Room was ROCKING. Everything was perfect. DJ was off the charts. Loud, energized. Huge dancefloor. And for the next 4 hours we partied, danced, ate, drank. Chocolate fountain. Surprises during the hora (guest dressed as orthodox jews). Brett and Dawn do a surprise choreographed mother-son dance which will hit You Tube I am sure some time this week. We get re-introduced to the theme from Monday night football. The dancers are in referee jerseys to start. We run through "the crowd" . Kids are hanging getting Iskins, photmagic stuff, in the taligate section, by Brett's Snack shack. The filet, shrimp, checkin combo gets great reviews. Uncle Jon (Brett's godfather) and I do a quasi reprise of our teen years rapping out to The Sugar Hill Gang's "Rapper's Delight" (will show up on the video). The Brett montage is awesome, the DJ and crew are amazingly fun, they do a fast-paced Tv Trivia game, I give a heartfelt speech/toast which competes with the vianese dessert buffet, the ridiculously decadent chocolate fountain and the make your won sundae dessert bar section. USA-Russia hockey, tri air hockey double pop a shot are occupied all day. 80 plus kids are non-stop energy. Dawn and I get in a brief dance of Billy Joel's "You are my home". I notice that all of Brett's girl friends are tall, and look like 19! Eating, playing, dancing, emotional, energized, exhausting amazing party! Room looked incredible, service was impeccable, food excellent and most of all smiles everywhere. But for the "noise" (loud dj and music) adversely affecting those a little more senior or those who had a few drinks at cocktail hour, it was a blast.
Kids on way out get to raid the "candy to go" table! Grab huge bags with take-aways. Growns ups raided the candy table too! Big huge "bags" to go for the long rides home!
After 2 years of Dawn's hard work, and Brett's efforts, it all came together amazingly. It was truly a day for the ages. It was as close to perfect as there is which is no small thing since on these days any one of a million things could go wrong.
KERNEL 1 -- We had the time of our lives.
Pictures and more to follow in the coming weeks. Can't wait for people to see some of what is described here.
Friday, March 27, 2009
MIRACLES NEVER CEASE
MARCH 26, 2009
So after 2 years, zillions of stresses, aggravations, wins, losses, dollars and more stresses (mostly for Dawn!), the bar mitzvah of Brett Adam Kornfeld is nearly upon us. And in the "miracles never cease" department all seem to be healthy for the first time in what seems like 2 years (really the last 6 days). Dawn is in last minute organizational mode, the weather is nice, Brett is relaxed and hungry already! We are hoping for great sunshine so cocktail hour can be outside too!
Dawn has in tribute done a herculean job here. Amazing doesn't begin to capture it. I have contributed in major spots and opined where necessary. But this was clearly her and Brett's show. And she has been great in every way. Even this week with viruses and madness and chaos and hundreds of calls, emails, vendors, changes and the usual planning issues she has maintained her sanity which if I am being honest is no small feat in planning an affair of this diverse magnitude especially since calm and Dawn are not always one in the same in the mos endearing of ways!
So props to my beloved. Miracles truly never cease.
KERNEL 1 -- THIRD TIME IS A CHARM
Brought my shoes in Wednesday. The nice craftsman says "I'm working on it today come back in a few hours. So I do. And he says "sorry I didn't get to it. "Come back tomorrow morning. So I do. And when I arrive he says, "come back in an hour. I am working on them now. " So I come back today. Finally he delivers them to me. Hence, the third time is a charm.
What makes this story funny is that of course he took "cash in full in advance." I didn't mind. I like the shoe guy. He is in the tiniest corner of the strip mall in a storefront if that's what one would call it, the size, pardon the pun of a shoe box. He is an old school craftsman. Talent and pride in his craft. I like it.
KERNEL 2 -- PEOPLE WHO DO NOT RESPOND TO EMAILS
Ok, I confess. I am a "crackberry" addict. I am super responsive. I live on the thing. I don't expect warp speed responses. (I got addicted working for a newspaper client who would email me at odd hours because he was up getting the paper out the door and he liked that I would be so responsive at that hour!). I really do not. I am tolerant by nature. But I hate when I know people have opened and read my eamil and consciously choose to say nothing! If I called and you pciked up you wouldn't just say nothing (and by the way I usually have called!). Today's pet peeve.
Irony of this -- this hasn't happened today. It just popped into my head. Hence the mini rant.
KENREL 3 -- DUKE BASKETBALL
It is sacreligious to say out loud. I love Coach K. And I am a Duke guy so much more than a Carolina guy. Any kid would be better off having played for Coach K. But it is clear to me after watching Duke this season, that Duke is simply not getting the same level of student athlete for men's college hoops anymore. Coach K gets the most out of his kids, and the fact that they only last half a dozen games all season, including the two to NC was nothing short of incredible. Watching them get blown out last night confirmed what I said to a friend at ESPN a few weeks ago after they lost the ACC crown to NC on last day pre-ACC tounrament (I watched the second half of this game in sports bar Archie Moores -- incredible bar food -- with Dawn and the kids and had much fun -- random detour to my point) -- kids just aren't loving coming to Duke anymore for hoops to play for Coach K. And he looks tired. I mean really tired. It used to be his coaching and the mental touhness of his kids would combine with a few of the athletes and they would find ways to win and go deeper in the tournament. Coach K himself would be worth a win or two in the Big Dance. Not any more. The coaches and the players have not just caught up with Duke, but passed them by. While he is Duke basketball, and I truly love him, I think it may be time for him to pass the baton. Do not misread me -- Duke should not make this change. I think Coach K has nothing left to prove and should make this his last season. For his own sake. I just do not think they will ever get back to the mountain. Pains me to say.
KERNEL 4 -- PROPS FOR GOOD SERVICE
Since I usually point out the bad servers, props to the gas station man. Irving's gas (yes, that is the name). The onwer himself, Irving, pumps the gas, checks your tires, is friednly and attentive. Personal, old school service. Well done.
KERNEL 5 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WONDERS?
How working outside makes work much nicer for those of us usually chained to a desk?
Whether his wife will be crushed now that shirtless, ab wrestler John 12 Round Cena is marrying his high school sweetehart?
If Bill Raftery should trademark the phrase "Onions" with some sort of logo (his signature line when a kid steps up and hits a clutch shot)?
If Isaiah Thomas really could get the Clipper job and take a franchise that truly can't be ruined and ruin it worse? If I could care any less about Madonna-Arod?
If Nancy Grace can make millions forever off "Tot Mom" or "Where is Caylee?" (the awful story of the poor little girl who was allegedly killed by her hard-partying, non-responsible mother)?
If Howard K. Stern would survive prison if convicted of contributing to Anna Nicole's death?
If OJ is losing his mind?
If the grass is really greener or is that just a dumb expression?
If Ryan should make Paula and Simon sit apart the way they separate kids who cause mischief in elementary or middle school?
Whether Taylor Hicks should just go away?
Whether Dawn and I can gear right back up for Dylan's bar mitzvah -- only 19-20 months away! 2010 here we come.
Will do the bar mitzvah play-by-play blog likely on Sunday. Enjoy the weekend one and all.
Korny
So after 2 years, zillions of stresses, aggravations, wins, losses, dollars and more stresses (mostly for Dawn!), the bar mitzvah of Brett Adam Kornfeld is nearly upon us. And in the "miracles never cease" department all seem to be healthy for the first time in what seems like 2 years (really the last 6 days). Dawn is in last minute organizational mode, the weather is nice, Brett is relaxed and hungry already! We are hoping for great sunshine so cocktail hour can be outside too!
Dawn has in tribute done a herculean job here. Amazing doesn't begin to capture it. I have contributed in major spots and opined where necessary. But this was clearly her and Brett's show. And she has been great in every way. Even this week with viruses and madness and chaos and hundreds of calls, emails, vendors, changes and the usual planning issues she has maintained her sanity which if I am being honest is no small feat in planning an affair of this diverse magnitude especially since calm and Dawn are not always one in the same in the mos endearing of ways!
So props to my beloved. Miracles truly never cease.
KERNEL 1 -- THIRD TIME IS A CHARM
Brought my shoes in Wednesday. The nice craftsman says "I'm working on it today come back in a few hours. So I do. And he says "sorry I didn't get to it. "Come back tomorrow morning. So I do. And when I arrive he says, "come back in an hour. I am working on them now. " So I come back today. Finally he delivers them to me. Hence, the third time is a charm.
What makes this story funny is that of course he took "cash in full in advance." I didn't mind. I like the shoe guy. He is in the tiniest corner of the strip mall in a storefront if that's what one would call it, the size, pardon the pun of a shoe box. He is an old school craftsman. Talent and pride in his craft. I like it.
KERNEL 2 -- PEOPLE WHO DO NOT RESPOND TO EMAILS
Ok, I confess. I am a "crackberry" addict. I am super responsive. I live on the thing. I don't expect warp speed responses. (I got addicted working for a newspaper client who would email me at odd hours because he was up getting the paper out the door and he liked that I would be so responsive at that hour!). I really do not. I am tolerant by nature. But I hate when I know people have opened and read my eamil and consciously choose to say nothing! If I called and you pciked up you wouldn't just say nothing (and by the way I usually have called!). Today's pet peeve.
Irony of this -- this hasn't happened today. It just popped into my head. Hence the mini rant.
KENREL 3 -- DUKE BASKETBALL
It is sacreligious to say out loud. I love Coach K. And I am a Duke guy so much more than a Carolina guy. Any kid would be better off having played for Coach K. But it is clear to me after watching Duke this season, that Duke is simply not getting the same level of student athlete for men's college hoops anymore. Coach K gets the most out of his kids, and the fact that they only last half a dozen games all season, including the two to NC was nothing short of incredible. Watching them get blown out last night confirmed what I said to a friend at ESPN a few weeks ago after they lost the ACC crown to NC on last day pre-ACC tounrament (I watched the second half of this game in sports bar Archie Moores -- incredible bar food -- with Dawn and the kids and had much fun -- random detour to my point) -- kids just aren't loving coming to Duke anymore for hoops to play for Coach K. And he looks tired. I mean really tired. It used to be his coaching and the mental touhness of his kids would combine with a few of the athletes and they would find ways to win and go deeper in the tournament. Coach K himself would be worth a win or two in the Big Dance. Not any more. The coaches and the players have not just caught up with Duke, but passed them by. While he is Duke basketball, and I truly love him, I think it may be time for him to pass the baton. Do not misread me -- Duke should not make this change. I think Coach K has nothing left to prove and should make this his last season. For his own sake. I just do not think they will ever get back to the mountain. Pains me to say.
KERNEL 4 -- PROPS FOR GOOD SERVICE
Since I usually point out the bad servers, props to the gas station man. Irving's gas (yes, that is the name). The onwer himself, Irving, pumps the gas, checks your tires, is friednly and attentive. Personal, old school service. Well done.
KERNEL 5 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WONDERS?
How working outside makes work much nicer for those of us usually chained to a desk?
Whether his wife will be crushed now that shirtless, ab wrestler John 12 Round Cena is marrying his high school sweetehart?
If Bill Raftery should trademark the phrase "Onions" with some sort of logo (his signature line when a kid steps up and hits a clutch shot)?
If Isaiah Thomas really could get the Clipper job and take a franchise that truly can't be ruined and ruin it worse? If I could care any less about Madonna-Arod?
If Nancy Grace can make millions forever off "Tot Mom" or "Where is Caylee?" (the awful story of the poor little girl who was allegedly killed by her hard-partying, non-responsible mother)?
If Howard K. Stern would survive prison if convicted of contributing to Anna Nicole's death?
If OJ is losing his mind?
If the grass is really greener or is that just a dumb expression?
If Ryan should make Paula and Simon sit apart the way they separate kids who cause mischief in elementary or middle school?
Whether Taylor Hicks should just go away?
Whether Dawn and I can gear right back up for Dylan's bar mitzvah -- only 19-20 months away! 2010 here we come.
Will do the bar mitzvah play-by-play blog likely on Sunday. Enjoy the weekend one and all.
Korny
Thursday, March 26, 2009
DE JA VU ALL OVER AGAIN
MARCH 26, 2009
So two days before Brett's bar mitzvah, it is de ja vu all over again. Almost 30 years ago -- and two days before my bar mitzvah -- I was sick. I had a fever, flu like symptoms, stomach bug. Brett has a bad virus today. I mean what are the odds? Unlike me Brett does not have a nervous bone in his body and is totally non-chalant and cool about his very limited Torah reading. This is not nerves or a fear of public speaking which added to the excitement/chaos/controversy/memorableness (new word) of my big day. This is just simply bad luck.
Hopefully it will not be "de ja vu all over again" come Saturday since the ever-increasing "legend"of Brett's dad was that he and the Torah had a not-so pleasant experience that day in front of my parents, my friends, family (including my orthodox cantor rabbi grandfather) and the folks with whom my mother, the head of the PTA for the synagogue was friends, for an all-in total of about 300 people or so.
My arguably most embarassing moment ever also showed the true charatcer of my friends who were supportive and in the trenches with me, and who continue to rightfully make fun of and absue me about it all to this day -- a lesser man would never have recovered! So Brett will have my resolve to overcome:)
I am absolutely sure he will be fine but wouldn't it have been nice if we could have all been healthy without incident and drama, 200 family phone calls, six hundred emails, 17 bottles of lysol and soap, and frustration and screaming and aggravation and stress? I mean I love Dawn to death and more than words can express, but she has more stress than she needs when things are close to perfect! So I ask -- who exactly do you have to talk to around here to get some calm? And it certainly isn't god for those who were going to invoke the alleged almighty!
Anyway on to the "blog"
KERNEL 1 - IT WOULN'T BE A DAY IN KORNFELD LAND
So still under the weather, but better than Brett and Dawn, I plow to the store to load up on chicken noodle soup, bread and liquids. I get home, and like those old tv commericals, all the soups drop right out from under the double plastic bags. Right on the driveway. I then, trying to get in the door, bang my left fist and knuckles into the doorway. For no particular reason. So on balance, so far so good today! Except for the fact that the house smells like a Lysol convention (assuming there would ever be such a thing as a Lyson product dmeonstration convention).
KERNEL 2 -- KNICKS-CLIPPERS -- OVERTIME
Really? The classic game 71 "who cares" game? Even Bill Simmons would have trouble caring about this one. All of a sudden the Knicks are beginning to resmble Isiaih's merry band of quitters and stiffs. Knicks might win 32-34 games this year and that will qualify as "progress." Insanity.
KENREL 3 -- WRESTLMENAIA 25 PREDICTIONS
The boys and I cannot make it to Texas to see the Rattlesnake get inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame along with the Dragon Ricky Steamboat and a cast of others. But here are some predictions:
1. Cena wins the triple threat over the Big Show and Edge. Cena makes the 500 pounder tap out.
2. Orton beats The Game (HHH) in a classic. With outside help from Legacy.
3. Jeff Hardy over Matt Hardy in the Extreme rules brother versus brother grudge match.
4. Captain Charisma, Christian wins The Money in the Bank match.
5. Rey Mysterio defeats Wrestling God JBL to capture the Intercontinental match.
6. The Undertaker, the Phenom, the Man from the darkside defeats the showstopper Shawn Michaels to raise his undefeated streak at Wrestmemania to 17-0. He is my all-time favorite so I hope this one comes true.
7. Jehrico defeats legends Snuka, Piper, Stemaboat with Flair and Micky Rourke.
8. The Glamazon, Beth Phoenix wins the 25 woman DIVA Battle Royal and becomes Miss Wretlemania (although watch out for a swever involving 400 year old Mae Young).
KERNEL 4 -- TOP CABLE TV SHOWS
Following up the prior top 10 non-cable shows list, here is the Korny top 10 cable shows (seires) of all time:
The Sopranos (even with the hideous ending), The Shield (off the charts psychotic and Vic Mackey one of the greatest characters ever written), Weeds (brilliant), Rescue Me (Dennis Leary while a tad edgy is incredible in thyis show -- he also stars in one of my favroite sleeper movies -- The Ref, starring him and Kevin Spacey), Oz (I only saw parts but was always blown away), Curb Your Enthusiasm (its a love-hate show -- people either love or hate him; I find it awesome because he makes everyone naturally uncomfortable if that makes any sense), The L Word (worse ending than the Sopranos), Six Feet Under (the best ending of a show ever) and Nip/Tuck (no way to describe it -- just have to watch it).
Honorable mentions -- in a bit of surprise Arliss (I think he is hilarious and though Sandra Oh was awesome even before her Grey's Anatomy days); Damages (plots are too convoulted but its a guilt pleasure and Glen Close is pretty much awesome in everything). First and 10 is off the list due to OJ. I was not a fan of The Wire which people loved, nor any of the "period piece" shows (Deadwood, e.g.). United States of Tara and Diary of a Call Girl are growing on me but not enough of a track record to qualify. I have in full disclosure not invested in Mad Men or Breaking Bad, two shows alleged to be better than some on my list.Lisa Kurdwo's short-lived cable show The Comeback never took hold. But her Friends compadre Courtney Cox would make my top 13 for the guilty pleasure "Dirt" because of the madness in which she played the role of Lucy and the schizophrenic character was one of the most interesting characters ever written.
Tell me yours.
KERNEL 5 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WONDERS?
Why I truly hate sneezing? The loss of control and the intensity in which I sneeze scares me. I hate it. Especially while driving.
Whether there is a really effective nose hair trimmer? I think they are all the same and don't work particularly well!
If they could survive today without high definition, the micro wave, the Internet, the remote control, cable, computers, laser printers, high-speed, navigational systems in cars (GPS), tivo, direct tv's football package, dvds, car dvds, caller id, cable televison channels. pay-per-view, espn, hybrids, iphones, cell phones and most of the technological pop culture advances/inventions of this century and the 1980s-90s? Many of us grew up without such things. My point I suppose is how quick the world changes, and how quickly we take it all for granted.
What would the world be like without the space program? I understand the employment point and the discovery concept but I do often wonder if we on earth would have been better served without such investments the last 30 years, and whether someone could explain to the regular guy how space exploration has in fact helped them, the last 25 years.
And finally, how is it possible that the obnxious, cute little teen age girl little girl from My Father, The Hero is now dying of a brian tumor as Izzy on Grey's Anatomy?
P.S. It is a terrible movie, stupid, overly sappy, strained, and asenine. Yet this week while sick I must have watched The Holiday with Queen Latifah and LL Cool J like 4 times on TBS (the one where she is misdiagnosed with some fictitious brai ndisease, given 3 weeks to leave and flies to Prague to blow her moeny and go base jump diving with an ultra-competitive and horribly miscast Timothy Hutton). I just thought people would want to know this.
So two days before Brett's bar mitzvah, it is de ja vu all over again. Almost 30 years ago -- and two days before my bar mitzvah -- I was sick. I had a fever, flu like symptoms, stomach bug. Brett has a bad virus today. I mean what are the odds? Unlike me Brett does not have a nervous bone in his body and is totally non-chalant and cool about his very limited Torah reading. This is not nerves or a fear of public speaking which added to the excitement/chaos/controversy/memorableness (new word) of my big day. This is just simply bad luck.
Hopefully it will not be "de ja vu all over again" come Saturday since the ever-increasing "legend"of Brett's dad was that he and the Torah had a not-so pleasant experience that day in front of my parents, my friends, family (including my orthodox cantor rabbi grandfather) and the folks with whom my mother, the head of the PTA for the synagogue was friends, for an all-in total of about 300 people or so.
My arguably most embarassing moment ever also showed the true charatcer of my friends who were supportive and in the trenches with me, and who continue to rightfully make fun of and absue me about it all to this day -- a lesser man would never have recovered! So Brett will have my resolve to overcome:)
I am absolutely sure he will be fine but wouldn't it have been nice if we could have all been healthy without incident and drama, 200 family phone calls, six hundred emails, 17 bottles of lysol and soap, and frustration and screaming and aggravation and stress? I mean I love Dawn to death and more than words can express, but she has more stress than she needs when things are close to perfect! So I ask -- who exactly do you have to talk to around here to get some calm? And it certainly isn't god for those who were going to invoke the alleged almighty!
Anyway on to the "blog"
KERNEL 1 - IT WOULN'T BE A DAY IN KORNFELD LAND
So still under the weather, but better than Brett and Dawn, I plow to the store to load up on chicken noodle soup, bread and liquids. I get home, and like those old tv commericals, all the soups drop right out from under the double plastic bags. Right on the driveway. I then, trying to get in the door, bang my left fist and knuckles into the doorway. For no particular reason. So on balance, so far so good today! Except for the fact that the house smells like a Lysol convention (assuming there would ever be such a thing as a Lyson product dmeonstration convention).
KERNEL 2 -- KNICKS-CLIPPERS -- OVERTIME
Really? The classic game 71 "who cares" game? Even Bill Simmons would have trouble caring about this one. All of a sudden the Knicks are beginning to resmble Isiaih's merry band of quitters and stiffs. Knicks might win 32-34 games this year and that will qualify as "progress." Insanity.
KENREL 3 -- WRESTLMENAIA 25 PREDICTIONS
The boys and I cannot make it to Texas to see the Rattlesnake get inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame along with the Dragon Ricky Steamboat and a cast of others. But here are some predictions:
1. Cena wins the triple threat over the Big Show and Edge. Cena makes the 500 pounder tap out.
2. Orton beats The Game (HHH) in a classic. With outside help from Legacy.
3. Jeff Hardy over Matt Hardy in the Extreme rules brother versus brother grudge match.
4. Captain Charisma, Christian wins The Money in the Bank match.
5. Rey Mysterio defeats Wrestling God JBL to capture the Intercontinental match.
6. The Undertaker, the Phenom, the Man from the darkside defeats the showstopper Shawn Michaels to raise his undefeated streak at Wrestmemania to 17-0. He is my all-time favorite so I hope this one comes true.
7. Jehrico defeats legends Snuka, Piper, Stemaboat with Flair and Micky Rourke.
8. The Glamazon, Beth Phoenix wins the 25 woman DIVA Battle Royal and becomes Miss Wretlemania (although watch out for a swever involving 400 year old Mae Young).
KERNEL 4 -- TOP CABLE TV SHOWS
Following up the prior top 10 non-cable shows list, here is the Korny top 10 cable shows (seires) of all time:
The Sopranos (even with the hideous ending), The Shield (off the charts psychotic and Vic Mackey one of the greatest characters ever written), Weeds (brilliant), Rescue Me (Dennis Leary while a tad edgy is incredible in thyis show -- he also stars in one of my favroite sleeper movies -- The Ref, starring him and Kevin Spacey), Oz (I only saw parts but was always blown away), Curb Your Enthusiasm (its a love-hate show -- people either love or hate him; I find it awesome because he makes everyone naturally uncomfortable if that makes any sense), The L Word (worse ending than the Sopranos), Six Feet Under (the best ending of a show ever) and Nip/Tuck (no way to describe it -- just have to watch it).
Honorable mentions -- in a bit of surprise Arliss (I think he is hilarious and though Sandra Oh was awesome even before her Grey's Anatomy days); Damages (plots are too convoulted but its a guilt pleasure and Glen Close is pretty much awesome in everything). First and 10 is off the list due to OJ. I was not a fan of The Wire which people loved, nor any of the "period piece" shows (Deadwood, e.g.). United States of Tara and Diary of a Call Girl are growing on me but not enough of a track record to qualify. I have in full disclosure not invested in Mad Men or Breaking Bad, two shows alleged to be better than some on my list.Lisa Kurdwo's short-lived cable show The Comeback never took hold. But her Friends compadre Courtney Cox would make my top 13 for the guilty pleasure "Dirt" because of the madness in which she played the role of Lucy and the schizophrenic character was one of the most interesting characters ever written.
Tell me yours.
KERNEL 5 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WONDERS?
Why I truly hate sneezing? The loss of control and the intensity in which I sneeze scares me. I hate it. Especially while driving.
Whether there is a really effective nose hair trimmer? I think they are all the same and don't work particularly well!
If they could survive today without high definition, the micro wave, the Internet, the remote control, cable, computers, laser printers, high-speed, navigational systems in cars (GPS), tivo, direct tv's football package, dvds, car dvds, caller id, cable televison channels. pay-per-view, espn, hybrids, iphones, cell phones and most of the technological pop culture advances/inventions of this century and the 1980s-90s? Many of us grew up without such things. My point I suppose is how quick the world changes, and how quickly we take it all for granted.
What would the world be like without the space program? I understand the employment point and the discovery concept but I do often wonder if we on earth would have been better served without such investments the last 30 years, and whether someone could explain to the regular guy how space exploration has in fact helped them, the last 25 years.
And finally, how is it possible that the obnxious, cute little teen age girl little girl from My Father, The Hero is now dying of a brian tumor as Izzy on Grey's Anatomy?
P.S. It is a terrible movie, stupid, overly sappy, strained, and asenine. Yet this week while sick I must have watched The Holiday with Queen Latifah and LL Cool J like 4 times on TBS (the one where she is misdiagnosed with some fictitious brai ndisease, given 3 weeks to leave and flies to Prague to blow her moeny and go base jump diving with an ultra-competitive and horribly miscast Timothy Hutton). I just thought people would want to know this.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
CVS AND WAITING
MARCH 25, 2009:
So I have been under the weather the last three days or so. With who knows what. Virus, infection, combination of ailments, bacterial thing. All I know is it sucks to be sick and I need to vent!
Between anti-bacterial soap, lysol, bad tv, lack of good movies, a dull in the NCAA tourney, I feel like a prisoner of sorts! Hence, I emerge from my cell with some random observations:
KERNEL 1 -- CVS
Beginning to rank with Starbucks on the "all-irritation store's" list. Does not matter when I go in there, or which store I visit, they are always understaffed by a factor of 2. The line for people to but toiletries, a paper, or small items, takes FOREVER. It is part of their charm I suppose. There could be 2 people on line, and only one person working register and it takes 15 minutes. The worst part is there are 3 other people in the store jabbering, hanging by the photo area which seemingly never has a customer. It has gotten so bad I try to pay for my non medicinal items back by the pharmacy. The problem with that is not that they aren't nice, they are; it's that they don't know what anything costs so they do the "need a price on toothpaste, boxers and cologne -- and Jimmy please hurry this guy obviously has a big night planned!"
Adding to my newfound focus on this oddity is that sometimes I go there to pick up diet soda. Like a 12-pack of diet A&W or caffeine free sodas like coke or sprite. Cool idea because unlike the CT supermarkets, they usally have the soda in CVS. The problem? Whichever soda I pick, in whichever store, the first box, is always torn like a rabid dog had just been let loose. So I am wondering can I buy a 12 pack of soda that looks like it has been in a junkyard dog streetfight? I mean even if the box is tampered with, its not like the evildoer actually poisoned my soda right? Right?
In short, CVS is the newest member of "AIS (my new acronym for "All Irritation Store".
KERNEL 2 -- YOU KNOW YOU ARE HAVING A DAY
So I decide enough is enough. I need fresh air. Its beautiful out, I have been cooped up for a few days. And I have some things I need to do, even if I have some yet-to-be-defined ailment whch requires fluids, rests and 200 family phone calls asking me how I am feeling and am I taking care of myself because you know its "brett's bar mitzvah Saturday." Yes, I didn;t know that, thanks for reminding me. Definitely would have missed that one but for everyone's calls.
Anyway, I go out to get a haircut. The place is 2 minutes from my house, opens at 10. And has a big inviting sign in the window that says "Walk-ins Welcome." I suppose "welcome" means different things to different people. I get there at 1010 am. The palce has just opened and the nice woman who has done my hair a few times, says somewhat annoyed -- "I am really busy today. Give me your cell and I will call you and you can come over." Presumptuous that (i) I have all day to wait for a haircut; (ii) I apparently don't have a job to her (she doesn't know I am off from work) and (iii) the sign is a lie. I say nicvely -- how about I pick a time this afternoon. She say's 3 o'clock. Now mind you, while we are having this conversation there is literally NO ONE else i nthe store and she likely could have been halfway done by the time we stopped chatting, she entered my new appoinemnt, etc. The old walk-ins bait and switch we will now call this.
Ah, but let's not pick solely on the haircut establishment. I go to the tiny little "shoe shine and shoe repair" store. It is located in a tiny little box in a corner of a strip mall next to our overproced supermarket not stop-n-shop, shaws (to its credit, it is a lovely well-organized store with excellent healthy food and easy to locate stuff). I go to walk in and the door is locked (kind of like the way a jewelry store with expensive stuff is -- you know they are in there but you need the special code and approvals to actually go in and look at stuff). I find it odd. Lights are on but literally no one in there. Sign says open. I check the hours. 930-5. Its 10:15 so I am in the wondow of opportunity. But underneath the "Open" shoe in the window (seriously) there is a scribbled note -- "be back in fifteen minutes." The guy has been open for under an hour and he is already making a Dunkin Donuts run? I am beginning to wonder if Dawn spraying me with Lysol and the anti-bacterial soap is the way to go.
But I press on -- to the Lab. Yes, the place where they draw your blood. The doctor yesterday who tested me for strep says if you don;t feel 100% in the morning to be safe go have blood drawn. He says "no harm in checking it all out." Says him! Anyway, since I havent felt 100% since I played high school basketball 25 years ago, I decided with a cruise coming up in April might as well confirm what I don't have! So since the haircut is now in the pm, I am not hungry and the shoe man is who know's where I will go. I get there and go to the window. A nice lady on some sort of mini scooter is at the window trying to fiure out the mistake they made with her blood. Very re-assuring. Anyway, of course only one person working the window, and this little exchange takes about 12-15 minutes. The woman could not be nicer even though the guy working is not much help. Anyway, I get to the window with my sheet from yesterday's doctor and he says -- "do you have an appointment?" I say, the DR yesterday said I should come in today. He says "ok, grab a number" and we will call you. There are about a dozen people in the wiating room. I am number 42. They are at 36. Ok. Passing the time I notice that the blood lab is a veritable melting pot of humanity -- 6 women, 6 men, 2 kids, 1 boy, 1 girl boty young. 2 elderly folks with a crutch of some sort, women with gray hair, colored hair. An asian man, a woman who says to someone else she and her daughter are from puerto rico, an african american. My mind taking note of nonsense while passing the time on my crackberry and reading the NY Times someone was kind enough to leave on a chair.
The minutes drip along like a faulty faucet. Finally, Number 42. Ah, but a false alarm. He wants my info, but then he will call my name. Close but yet so far. I kind you not, it takes them an hour to draw my blood. No real explanantion for the delay other than like CVS, only one person seems to be doing all the work. Walk-ins not really welcome here even though they say it too.
So despite going out at 10 am little accomplished in 2 hours. Now back tothe shoe man. He is quick and to the point. And of course, like most of the vendors with whom I have been dealing lately wants to be paid in cash -- up front. Wow, if lawyers could get paid like that . . . . Yes the man who is putting on a new heel and new sole with a shine needs to be paid in cash in advance.
Cash is definitely making a comeback. The Cow Deli -- cash only. The shoe man. The bar mitzvah vendors (s0me). The recent Italian restaurant we went to in the city (that was worth it though!).
The hihglight of the morning -- drive-through McDonalds for two plain grilled chicken sandwiches. Took under 3 minutes and was piping hot, and under 10 bucks.
KERNEL 3 -- YOU HAD TO BE THERE
So I get in car the other day with Dawn. On the floor in the passenger seat, are Dawn's knee pads. I go to put them in the back seat so I don't step on them. I say these do not really belong here (jokingly). Dawn without missingt a beat says something to the effect of -- "they belong there more than you do hon!" Truly a "you had to be there" moment. I will look for one of these a week.
KENREL 4 -- SOFTBALLS
I realize President Obama inherited hellish situation caused by the prior adminsitration and the Democratic Congress the last two years who did nothing but let things run amok (yes, it was not all President Bush's fault, and this Congress was not only asleep at the switch but aided and abetted this circumstance in too many ways to blog). I think he is well intentioned, principled, energized and smart. But isn't it time the media stopped asking him softballs and pressed for real answers? The President did not have his best night last night, and in fact has been a little off his game in recent appearances on Leno, 60 Minutes and during the questions and answers last night. Yet very few real questions were asked. The current budget he proposed does NOT reduce the deficit for generations to come. It explodes it further. It passes on trillions and trillions more in debt. And no real questions about how that gets reconciled. No follow up to the President's tap-dancing about how he now will not force a middle class tax cut or cap and trade. Huge campaign promises he made. Not one question asked last night (i.e. he didn't call on) any financial organizations (like Wall Street Jounral or NY Times even). Explain where all the money is coming from to pay for these programs with all the money committed to bail outs. What specifically is being "cut" from the line-by-line review of the $2t in "waste" etc. The President is doing his best. The media -- not even close. The love affair should be over now. Do your jobs.
KERNEL 5 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WONDERS?
Is bad sense of direction genetic? Isn't all food comfort food? Whether pills you take for strep, allergies, stomach aches, meet in your intestines and get confused on which one is supposed to do what? If The Mentalist has already jumped the shark? If they can re-do 90210 and Melrose Place, why not West Wing and Seinfeld? Especially Seinfeld where they could come back wothout missing a beat since show was about nothing. If Vice President Joe Biden is actually in the United States? If the NCAA tournament should be expanded to include 256 teams? If the best is yet to come or already happened? If there is anyone with the conviction to say stop -- we can't have a copycat of worst ever reality show True Beauty (check out Pretty Wicked on Oxygen now -- steals the premise -- contestants being judged on their "inner beauty" without them knowing it!)?
More later.
And please so weigh on on your favorite tv shows, favorite characters and own "had to be there moments."
So I have been under the weather the last three days or so. With who knows what. Virus, infection, combination of ailments, bacterial thing. All I know is it sucks to be sick and I need to vent!
Between anti-bacterial soap, lysol, bad tv, lack of good movies, a dull in the NCAA tourney, I feel like a prisoner of sorts! Hence, I emerge from my cell with some random observations:
KERNEL 1 -- CVS
Beginning to rank with Starbucks on the "all-irritation store's" list. Does not matter when I go in there, or which store I visit, they are always understaffed by a factor of 2. The line for people to but toiletries, a paper, or small items, takes FOREVER. It is part of their charm I suppose. There could be 2 people on line, and only one person working register and it takes 15 minutes. The worst part is there are 3 other people in the store jabbering, hanging by the photo area which seemingly never has a customer. It has gotten so bad I try to pay for my non medicinal items back by the pharmacy. The problem with that is not that they aren't nice, they are; it's that they don't know what anything costs so they do the "need a price on toothpaste, boxers and cologne -- and Jimmy please hurry this guy obviously has a big night planned!"
Adding to my newfound focus on this oddity is that sometimes I go there to pick up diet soda. Like a 12-pack of diet A&W or caffeine free sodas like coke or sprite. Cool idea because unlike the CT supermarkets, they usally have the soda in CVS. The problem? Whichever soda I pick, in whichever store, the first box, is always torn like a rabid dog had just been let loose. So I am wondering can I buy a 12 pack of soda that looks like it has been in a junkyard dog streetfight? I mean even if the box is tampered with, its not like the evildoer actually poisoned my soda right? Right?
In short, CVS is the newest member of "AIS (my new acronym for "All Irritation Store".
KERNEL 2 -- YOU KNOW YOU ARE HAVING A DAY
So I decide enough is enough. I need fresh air. Its beautiful out, I have been cooped up for a few days. And I have some things I need to do, even if I have some yet-to-be-defined ailment whch requires fluids, rests and 200 family phone calls asking me how I am feeling and am I taking care of myself because you know its "brett's bar mitzvah Saturday." Yes, I didn;t know that, thanks for reminding me. Definitely would have missed that one but for everyone's calls.
Anyway, I go out to get a haircut. The place is 2 minutes from my house, opens at 10. And has a big inviting sign in the window that says "Walk-ins Welcome." I suppose "welcome" means different things to different people. I get there at 1010 am. The palce has just opened and the nice woman who has done my hair a few times, says somewhat annoyed -- "I am really busy today. Give me your cell and I will call you and you can come over." Presumptuous that (i) I have all day to wait for a haircut; (ii) I apparently don't have a job to her (she doesn't know I am off from work) and (iii) the sign is a lie. I say nicvely -- how about I pick a time this afternoon. She say's 3 o'clock. Now mind you, while we are having this conversation there is literally NO ONE else i nthe store and she likely could have been halfway done by the time we stopped chatting, she entered my new appoinemnt, etc. The old walk-ins bait and switch we will now call this.
Ah, but let's not pick solely on the haircut establishment. I go to the tiny little "shoe shine and shoe repair" store. It is located in a tiny little box in a corner of a strip mall next to our overproced supermarket not stop-n-shop, shaws (to its credit, it is a lovely well-organized store with excellent healthy food and easy to locate stuff). I go to walk in and the door is locked (kind of like the way a jewelry store with expensive stuff is -- you know they are in there but you need the special code and approvals to actually go in and look at stuff). I find it odd. Lights are on but literally no one in there. Sign says open. I check the hours. 930-5. Its 10:15 so I am in the wondow of opportunity. But underneath the "Open" shoe in the window (seriously) there is a scribbled note -- "be back in fifteen minutes." The guy has been open for under an hour and he is already making a Dunkin Donuts run? I am beginning to wonder if Dawn spraying me with Lysol and the anti-bacterial soap is the way to go.
But I press on -- to the Lab. Yes, the place where they draw your blood. The doctor yesterday who tested me for strep says if you don;t feel 100% in the morning to be safe go have blood drawn. He says "no harm in checking it all out." Says him! Anyway, since I havent felt 100% since I played high school basketball 25 years ago, I decided with a cruise coming up in April might as well confirm what I don't have! So since the haircut is now in the pm, I am not hungry and the shoe man is who know's where I will go. I get there and go to the window. A nice lady on some sort of mini scooter is at the window trying to fiure out the mistake they made with her blood. Very re-assuring. Anyway, of course only one person working the window, and this little exchange takes about 12-15 minutes. The woman could not be nicer even though the guy working is not much help. Anyway, I get to the window with my sheet from yesterday's doctor and he says -- "do you have an appointment?" I say, the DR yesterday said I should come in today. He says "ok, grab a number" and we will call you. There are about a dozen people in the wiating room. I am number 42. They are at 36. Ok. Passing the time I notice that the blood lab is a veritable melting pot of humanity -- 6 women, 6 men, 2 kids, 1 boy, 1 girl boty young. 2 elderly folks with a crutch of some sort, women with gray hair, colored hair. An asian man, a woman who says to someone else she and her daughter are from puerto rico, an african american. My mind taking note of nonsense while passing the time on my crackberry and reading the NY Times someone was kind enough to leave on a chair.
The minutes drip along like a faulty faucet. Finally, Number 42. Ah, but a false alarm. He wants my info, but then he will call my name. Close but yet so far. I kind you not, it takes them an hour to draw my blood. No real explanantion for the delay other than like CVS, only one person seems to be doing all the work. Walk-ins not really welcome here even though they say it too.
So despite going out at 10 am little accomplished in 2 hours. Now back tothe shoe man. He is quick and to the point. And of course, like most of the vendors with whom I have been dealing lately wants to be paid in cash -- up front. Wow, if lawyers could get paid like that . . . . Yes the man who is putting on a new heel and new sole with a shine needs to be paid in cash in advance.
Cash is definitely making a comeback. The Cow Deli -- cash only. The shoe man. The bar mitzvah vendors (s0me). The recent Italian restaurant we went to in the city (that was worth it though!).
The hihglight of the morning -- drive-through McDonalds for two plain grilled chicken sandwiches. Took under 3 minutes and was piping hot, and under 10 bucks.
KERNEL 3 -- YOU HAD TO BE THERE
So I get in car the other day with Dawn. On the floor in the passenger seat, are Dawn's knee pads. I go to put them in the back seat so I don't step on them. I say these do not really belong here (jokingly). Dawn without missingt a beat says something to the effect of -- "they belong there more than you do hon!" Truly a "you had to be there" moment. I will look for one of these a week.
KENREL 4 -- SOFTBALLS
I realize President Obama inherited hellish situation caused by the prior adminsitration and the Democratic Congress the last two years who did nothing but let things run amok (yes, it was not all President Bush's fault, and this Congress was not only asleep at the switch but aided and abetted this circumstance in too many ways to blog). I think he is well intentioned, principled, energized and smart. But isn't it time the media stopped asking him softballs and pressed for real answers? The President did not have his best night last night, and in fact has been a little off his game in recent appearances on Leno, 60 Minutes and during the questions and answers last night. Yet very few real questions were asked. The current budget he proposed does NOT reduce the deficit for generations to come. It explodes it further. It passes on trillions and trillions more in debt. And no real questions about how that gets reconciled. No follow up to the President's tap-dancing about how he now will not force a middle class tax cut or cap and trade. Huge campaign promises he made. Not one question asked last night (i.e. he didn't call on) any financial organizations (like Wall Street Jounral or NY Times even). Explain where all the money is coming from to pay for these programs with all the money committed to bail outs. What specifically is being "cut" from the line-by-line review of the $2t in "waste" etc. The President is doing his best. The media -- not even close. The love affair should be over now. Do your jobs.
KERNEL 5 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WONDERS?
Is bad sense of direction genetic? Isn't all food comfort food? Whether pills you take for strep, allergies, stomach aches, meet in your intestines and get confused on which one is supposed to do what? If The Mentalist has already jumped the shark? If they can re-do 90210 and Melrose Place, why not West Wing and Seinfeld? Especially Seinfeld where they could come back wothout missing a beat since show was about nothing. If Vice President Joe Biden is actually in the United States? If the NCAA tournament should be expanded to include 256 teams? If the best is yet to come or already happened? If there is anyone with the conviction to say stop -- we can't have a copycat of worst ever reality show True Beauty (check out Pretty Wicked on Oxygen now -- steals the premise -- contestants being judged on their "inner beauty" without them knowing it!)?
More later.
And please so weigh on on your favorite tv shows, favorite characters and own "had to be there moments."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
