MAY 10, 2009
Happy Mother's Day all. Today's blog will be brief as we have a 3 pm "championship" basketball game for Brett, leaving at 2 or so.
MOTHER'S DAY 2009 EDITION
Mother's Day excitement in Kornfeld land: And a 5-star bathroom!
Normally we have brunch with my mom, my sister-in-law Nancy out in LI. But Brett's AAU basketball season shows no mercy in scheduling as there are tournaments Mother's Day weekend, Memorial Day Weekend, Father's Day weekend. Chaos to be sure. Thus, we adapt on the fly.
Per usual, I shop late for Dawn, which usually inures to her benefit on the day in question.
A world record 8 cards are delivered between me and the boys. Pretty impressive showing by the Kornfeld men. I have learned not to try and have flowers delivered anymore and there is a nice florist who is opno n Mother's Day two minutes from house. I go for broad array with lots of colrs. The trip is marred by me stepping on a tack which goes through the bottom of my torn to shred have had forever sneakers. Unknown to me, the tack is literally in my foot until I take the sneaker home. Ouch! I survived and the sneakers hit the trash.
In addition to a nicely organized bouquet with lots of colrs and flower types, Dawn scores breakfast in bed of egg, spinach and mushroom on a bagel, half an everything bagel, a chai tea latte, a mothers day chorus of bad singing by the men, a chocolate chip coffee cake mini ciclualr muffin thing from Einsteins, she gets a ton of knick-knacky necklaces and bracelets and earrings from the boys who shppped for her during the cruise, a gift certificate for cosmetics to Sephora, a nice pink coat, hair scrunchies, earings from me and a water proff watch, simple lunch on the water (no brunch). Nice, quaint place in Norwalk. Of course in 5 years living in Norwalk never once did we go there! Anyway, caesra salad, stuffed shrimp and flourless cake does the trick for the guest of honor.
I get to take Brett and his buddy to their championship game today. Brett's team got clobbered by this same team yesterday so it is merciful of me to let Dawn off the hook. Dyland she are off see 17 Again, which Brett and I have seen.
The funniest part of the day today? Brett comes back from the men's room in the restaurant, and in true Kornfeld man fashion gives a men's room critique. "I have to give that bathroom my 5 star rating mom!" "Why?" Great jazz music, clean, big sink, strong water pressure, and smelled really nice. I couldn't make this up if I tried. Dawn and I start cracking up.
Food was good. Cold bread and hard butter is not the Kornfeld style but fresh. We prefer warm bread and soft butter. Having to ask for bread when the virgin olive oil is out and enticing from the get-go is a bit of a bummer. But they save the day as of course I forget to take back my credit card. The guy chases us down in parking lot (than Dawn for stopping to take water view pictures) and says, "he didn't have time to shop today." Funny.
But for the thumb tack in my foot and splling all the water from the vase and the kids leaving crums all over our bed, an excellent mothers day so far!
STAR-TREK
I hate sci-fi. I have said this. It is too much work for my pea of a brain. So you know Star-Trek must have been really good since I did not hate it. Don;t get me wrong, I didn't love it but I liked it enough and didnt fall asleep. It took Dawn to explain some stuff to me after the fact, and it gets a little hokey and jump-the-sharky for me, but its visually impressive, the way they do the characters as the prequel is excellent, there is some devlish irony, some random stuff which is funny, and it is super loud. For those who like The Enterprise, the tv show, the characters, the jounrey through space, the federation, the rom peopel, the vulcans, and great special effects, there is something for everybody. I mean it is still too complicated for people like me, and has too many I thin kthat was dumb moments but it is bold and goes where you would expect it to, so its a recommended go see from the non sci-fi guy.
CHUCK DALY
Was saddened by the death of the Hall of Famer. Seemed like a regular guy. And anyone who could transform what amounted to essentially a bunch of punks into a cohesive tough championship squad deserves all props. Rodman, Isaaih, Lambieer Mahorn etc. Plus, being the coach of the Dream Team originals is pretty cool. RIP C Daly.
MANNY BEING MANNY
I could blog this for about a hundred years. Blame Boras, the league, the doctor, the team doctors, the fans, whoever. But Manny taking hormones and steroids and not knowing they might violate league rules, and costs himself 8m and the Dodgers 50 games is almost too comical to write about. He is as one paper put it "A Big Dope."
Palmiero, McGwire, Giambi at first, Boone at second, Tejada at short, Arod/Caminitii (rest in peace) at third, Sheff, Bonds, Sosa and now Manny in the outfield with plus Clemens. What a list.
ABBREVIATED BLOG -- MORE LATER -- BUT FIRST, AM I THE ONLY WHO WONDERS
Whether Sylar from Heroes and Spock from the new Star-Trek should play the romantic lead in a comedy with Meg Ryan to mix it up a little?
Whether Izzie is better off dying this week on Grey's rather than being married to Alex next season?
Whether Wrestling will have its own VKMTV channel soon (Vincent Kennedy McMahon) as the WWE now has 4 nights of programming on 4 separate channels (USA, MY 9, Sci-Fi and WGH Superstation). I have said for a long time that he could develop his own network with the shows he has, produces, a la the YESNetwrok. I say by 2011, this and the WWE Hall of Fame!
Whether when they schedule AAU tournaments the people in charge should make sure the teams are more competitive in terms of size and age?
Whether people at my 20 year reunion will recognize me now that I have gained a zillion pounds?
Why my business credit card people let my card expire without sending me a new one? What are they trying to say?
Why it took so long for the defense guy who ran the fly by in NY to resign?
Why the banks need more money but arent loaning any?
Whether I could lose 50 pounds if I had 3 months to focus on just that?
Whether I could do what my wife does all day, every day?
Whether other people countdown to sleepaway camp along with us?
MORE LATER ALL WITH SOME RANDOM TIDBITS AND FUNNY ANECDOTES. AGAIN ALL MY LOVE TO ALL THE MOTHERS OUT THERE.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
"You Can't be Serious"
MAY 3, 2009
So, did you have a weekend where you were really pumped would start, that ended up being insane in a no fg way, you cannot be serious (quote to Johnny Mac) kind of way? Well that was this weekend. It was to be fun and action packed -- Basketball AAU game Friday night for Brett, Hoops Saturday, parental visit, lunch, West Side story, more hoops, first game for me at new Yankee Stadium. But nothing ever comes easy. Call it Advertures in Kornfeld Land. Call it are you fg kidding me? Call it a day in the life/weekend.
KERNEL 1 -- WEST SIDE STORY -- THE THOUSAND YEAR OLD PALACE THEATRE -- PROOF OF 21ST CETNRUE OBESITY -- AND A REVIEW
So on Saturday Dawn and I get date night. West Side story on Broadway. Cool you say? Me too. Or so I thought.
We drive into the city. Brett has a 520 game in Bridgeport at the U of B Rec center. Game 2 of the weekend tournament. Brett's team blew out its Game 1 opponent Friday night. Brett's team is deep, athletic, committed defensively and on the glass. And Brett is the smallest kid on the sqaud. By a lot. Anyway, my parents are up to visit and watch him play. We grab a big lunch at Southport brewing where the food was solid and excellent service so the day seems so far so good. I had sncuk in my tivo of Rescue Me, am riveted by how cousin Jimmy really died (now that he shows up in video after Tower One falls and the psychic says he wants Tommy, DEnnis Leary to know how he died).
Of course the plan is for my dad to follow me in his car to U of B, we drop the kids off and then head to the city so he can then bring my youngest Dylan home after the first game. Brett had a late game but we do not want my dad, the single worst driver in the world when it comes to sense of direction (yes he passed it down to me) to have to drive in the dark.
My dad is also the single worst drivollwer (new word alert -- driving follower) in the world. He cannot keep up, is always 1000 yards behind. And I am doing under the speed limit. The subtle beginning of the aggravation!! I am cursing him out i nthe car every time I have to pull over to make sure he has re-located us!
Next up, Brett's game is delayed. The 15 year old women's game is long. Tons of whistles. And incredible. I have no rooting interest in either team but this one young woman keeps draining threes like she is JJ Reddick and so I start rooting for them. They are behind whole game and finally after some missed foul shots, her team actually ties the score at the buzzer on a controversial shot. It looked untimely but the refs counted the basket. So, in the meantime my impatient parents, sitting in uncomfortable seats are getting irritated. So too Dawn. As if it is a grand conspiracy of sorts! As a result Dawn and I do not get to see even a second of Brett's game.
But I digress. Dawn and I drive to the city. We find parking around 645. Small garage on 47th, which is fortuitous because the theatre is right near there. Or so we think. Plus we have a compact car and that's all they want so in theory no SUVs or biggies to worry about later. The cost is hit or miss but we are in good spirits.
The show starts at 8. We go to get the tickets. Aggravation Number 2. We go inside to "will call" to get the reserved seats but some obnoxious power tripping dude re-routes us, saying "the line to pick up tickets starts here." Of course what makes this great is that WE WERE ALREADY AT THE FG WINDOW AND THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE WAITING!!!!! I kid you not -- and this leads me to a recent rant -- "the power crazy." People who know you are waiting to get into an event but who keep the doors closed an extra few seconds or minutes to make you wait. Happened recently at our visit to WWE event. Show started at 81`5 but people want to get food, sounvenirs, situated and they say doors open at 715. But of course they didn't. They opened at 7:23. But I digress again.
So now we have our tickets and we do the NYC thing. As an aside there really is nothing like NYC. Last week on way to lunch about 3000 people were protesting budget cuts on 3rd Avenue. Broadway has a buzz around it like no other place. So we walk around a little, get the Big NYC Pretzel (we buy it thinking it is healthy, in actuality 660 calories). We kill time till 730. Now line is massive.
Aggravation Number 3 -- the Palace Theatre must be 150 years old. It is ancient. Cramped. The bar with snacks on the right, the hawking of stuff on the left. Patrons come down the middle. The theatre is 200 degrees. We grab a water for the show. And when we get to the front in typical Kornfeld fashion, the people in front of cause the ticket scanning maching to stop working, delaying our line. 2 other lines move fine.
Dawn is annoyed we are center but Row Y. Last row downstairs. She proceeds to lose her water. She is battling some sort of asthmatic brinchitis which she valiantly battles only to cough during the pauses where people are applauding. She is on inhaler thing 6 weeks after first going to doctors to find out what the h was wrong. This continues to bother me. Its no ones fault but she is suffering and it is painful and lousy.
We get in theatre. Poor couple on the aisle is married 60 years plus. Dawn is like my mom now and makes friends with strangers, seat nieghbors, food neighbors on the cruise etc.!! Sweet couple but the lady cannot move well due to a leg injury. Sweet as can be. But people could not move in and out.
Aggravation 4 -- THE SEATS!! Ok, the tie-in to obnesity is here. These seats were narrow. I mean crazy narrow. I mean like think of the worst seat on a dollar aiorplane and then multiple it by like a million. So getting in and out is nuts. I am overweight. But I have been fatter. And these seats were about as tight and uncomfrotable as it gets. The nice German couple next to me, of course bought 4 seats thinking they were all togehter. Seats 108-111. But of course they are not., In our section, odd numbers. To the right, even. Thus their kids sit on other side. Normally Dawn and I would have swapped to be good folk but by time these folks arrived and I understood what was happening show was about to start, I did not want to make the 60 years married couple move, and plus, the people i nfront of us were small so no obstructed views, whereas the kid seats across the way -- tall people!!
So, we have tight tight tight seats, very warm theatre, Dawn cough, unhappy neighbors to my left, chatty neighbors to Dawn's right. The show starts 4 minutes late. Why???
Aggravation 5 -- the Show. One of the greatest movies/shows ever, it simply doesn;t work in this day and age. Modern efforts to upgrade it, to put own unique spin, creation on it, lots of extra singning and dialogue in Spanish, people singing songs they didn;t sing, songs coming out of order, a song that has to be in English being solely in Spanish, and by and large a weak male cast, left me feeling that it was sweet, good, but ultimately unsatisying. I mean I dont want to spilt it for others but there are too many changes and at times it seemd like a college production. The woman who plays Anita is great, and Maria is talented too. But I found it choppy, haphazard and ultimately with the theatre sucking, the heat, etc, not great. Now of course this may also have been because I was preoccupied because while Bretts team won in front of my parents he only played 2 minutes. A disappointment for him and them, but part of Team and experience.
Aggravation 6 -- The parking garage. People i nfront of us cannot get service. No one speaks English and something that takes 3 minutes in theory takes 20 or so -- we cannot get someone to process our ticket.
Aggravation 7 -- So we are on west side, and we decide to connect to 95. I knew I should stay on Henry Hudson where there is nice scenery smooth ride. Instead, listening to my idiot GPS I connct to 95 which is insane traffic even at 11 pm. In meantime, I hear Brett got good minutes and his team won the third game of tournament.
Brett is now officially a man -- my dad, who used to wait for me in his robe or pajamas (usually downstairs in front of building till I had a chat with him, then on couch) to make sure I arrived home, did the same thing for Brett (coach had taken him out to celebrate with his son, one of Brett's buddies). Brett's team in the tournament finals Sunday.
The trip home takes an hour and 40 minutes, I am crabby and cranky and Dawn and I fight as I am an idiot for not trusting myself but instead listening to the annoying little voicebox from GPS which I want to strangle. We fight about height, doctors. her asthma, the traffic, high school basketball, shutting off the map on the car, shutting off the GPS, and pretty much everything else!!! I am insufferable due to traffic.
"Prepare to turn left." This is at 48th street when she wants me to turn left at 57th stret. Prepare to turn left 9 blocks early?? Huh?
All in all, the West Side Story date night was less than stellar. And what Dawn and I were wondering was how people go see this show i nwinter? Where to put your coats exactly in the Palace? I mean in the 16th centure when this theatre was built it must have been comfy because people way 125 pounds soaking wet. Now in our obesity-riddled nation, that theatre needs a renovation!!
Aggravation 8 -- I forgot to mention -- I turn on Celts-Bulls Game 7, which I miss, along with the Derby and the Paquio fight, in time to hear Stephon Marbury, a/k/a Starbury ice the game with two free throws. Proving there is no god in Kornfled-land.
KERNEL 2 -- YANKEE GAME, A CAR ACCIDENT, A JOURNEY THROUGH THE BRONX, HOLE-RIDDEN SNEAKERS, A RAINOUT AND MORE
So Friday was the vile scallops, being green, barely making Brett's game. Saturday was bad travel, traffic, overrated show, and everything else.
Today Brett is in the tournament finals. There is a noonish game. Dylan and I have Yankee tickets. Cap day. My first trip to the new Stadium. We decide to dial car it in. As we approach the highway Dylan remembers he has forgotten his camera. We decide to go without it. Its rainy, drizzly,. I am listening o weather and sports hoping for update. None. Dylan in his Johhny Damon jersey me in my Cooperstown legends Mantle one. Its cap day. We are pumped. Soon to change.
As we approach Exit 2 on the Deegen, early at 1030 (IM envisioning a sit down lunch at Hard Rock Cafe right there, cathing some infield, some batting practice and walking the new stadium) two cars have a spill or skirkimsh and our guy apparently couldn't stop and plows the car in front of him. Loud crash. Seatbelts around so no one gets hurt. But it is a "crunch" of sorts. The two woen jump out of car not mad at our guy but the other car who caused the first accident, Anyway, out guy's front is totalled. Literally. Hood destroyed.
Now what? Hang out for new car? Our guy gets his car to the right, no shoulder, and Dylan and I safely get out and get off the ramp/exit to 138th and Willis. And yes, then journey on foot to the new Stadium. 23 plus blocks and long long long streets to Grand Concourse. Dylan a warrior, My back/knee sore. And its raining. Nothing like a good car accident and a 2 and a ahlf mile walk to get you ready for a game!
And the Yankees string you along waiting to call the game. While at Stadium, Johnny Rockets, Borhter Jimmy's BBQ, hush puppies, brisket, waters, soads, CLub store for jeter jersey for Brett, burnett for dylan, a dimaggio legend for dawn and a hooded swetshirt for me. Plus of course the Garlic Fry spot. At 2 pm, the Yanks rai nthe game out. So yes, we drove from CT, got into a car accident, walked 2 plus miles to the Stadium, spent a zillion dollars, stuffed our faces. And didn;t get to see baseball. Oh, but for effect DYlan made me sit in our seats in the puring rain figuring maybe if we sat there the rain would stop!
In the meantime, Brett's team has won game 4 and I have been getting text update. He got major contribution minutes in this game and helped his team come from down 8 to up 6 in first half. They in a tight game by 6 and are i nthe championship game.
Dylan my warrior and overall great kid. Keeps optimism, says let;s rush home to Brett's game.
So we call for a car. Not the same service. Takes 35 minutes to get one (they said 15). BUT we dont get into any accident, the guy navigates the traffic, takes the sprain to 287 to 95 and its smooth nap inducing ride. We get to Brett's game in time for tip-off. And they WIN THE TITLE. His team is awesome. They run the table and go 5-0 in three days and we celebrate at Unos. I am fat and full and exhausted. (Brett of course per custom woke me this am an hour early for no reason b/c he was wired)
Traffic, a car acccident, excessive eating and spending, adventures, highs and lows, parental challenges (supporting brett and his team knowing he wishes he was playing more), Yankess, basketball, parents, and all that makes our lives, well us.
We are all ok. Crazy weekend. They give you caloric intake on food at Stadium which random public service annoncement.
More later! ("Am I the Only One . . . -- tomorrow)
Korny
So, did you have a weekend where you were really pumped would start, that ended up being insane in a no fg way, you cannot be serious (quote to Johnny Mac) kind of way? Well that was this weekend. It was to be fun and action packed -- Basketball AAU game Friday night for Brett, Hoops Saturday, parental visit, lunch, West Side story, more hoops, first game for me at new Yankee Stadium. But nothing ever comes easy. Call it Advertures in Kornfeld Land. Call it are you fg kidding me? Call it a day in the life/weekend.
KERNEL 1 -- WEST SIDE STORY -- THE THOUSAND YEAR OLD PALACE THEATRE -- PROOF OF 21ST CETNRUE OBESITY -- AND A REVIEW
So on Saturday Dawn and I get date night. West Side story on Broadway. Cool you say? Me too. Or so I thought.
We drive into the city. Brett has a 520 game in Bridgeport at the U of B Rec center. Game 2 of the weekend tournament. Brett's team blew out its Game 1 opponent Friday night. Brett's team is deep, athletic, committed defensively and on the glass. And Brett is the smallest kid on the sqaud. By a lot. Anyway, my parents are up to visit and watch him play. We grab a big lunch at Southport brewing where the food was solid and excellent service so the day seems so far so good. I had sncuk in my tivo of Rescue Me, am riveted by how cousin Jimmy really died (now that he shows up in video after Tower One falls and the psychic says he wants Tommy, DEnnis Leary to know how he died).
Of course the plan is for my dad to follow me in his car to U of B, we drop the kids off and then head to the city so he can then bring my youngest Dylan home after the first game. Brett had a late game but we do not want my dad, the single worst driver in the world when it comes to sense of direction (yes he passed it down to me) to have to drive in the dark.
My dad is also the single worst drivollwer (new word alert -- driving follower) in the world. He cannot keep up, is always 1000 yards behind. And I am doing under the speed limit. The subtle beginning of the aggravation!! I am cursing him out i nthe car every time I have to pull over to make sure he has re-located us!
Next up, Brett's game is delayed. The 15 year old women's game is long. Tons of whistles. And incredible. I have no rooting interest in either team but this one young woman keeps draining threes like she is JJ Reddick and so I start rooting for them. They are behind whole game and finally after some missed foul shots, her team actually ties the score at the buzzer on a controversial shot. It looked untimely but the refs counted the basket. So, in the meantime my impatient parents, sitting in uncomfortable seats are getting irritated. So too Dawn. As if it is a grand conspiracy of sorts! As a result Dawn and I do not get to see even a second of Brett's game.
But I digress. Dawn and I drive to the city. We find parking around 645. Small garage on 47th, which is fortuitous because the theatre is right near there. Or so we think. Plus we have a compact car and that's all they want so in theory no SUVs or biggies to worry about later. The cost is hit or miss but we are in good spirits.
The show starts at 8. We go to get the tickets. Aggravation Number 2. We go inside to "will call" to get the reserved seats but some obnoxious power tripping dude re-routes us, saying "the line to pick up tickets starts here." Of course what makes this great is that WE WERE ALREADY AT THE FG WINDOW AND THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE WAITING!!!!! I kid you not -- and this leads me to a recent rant -- "the power crazy." People who know you are waiting to get into an event but who keep the doors closed an extra few seconds or minutes to make you wait. Happened recently at our visit to WWE event. Show started at 81`5 but people want to get food, sounvenirs, situated and they say doors open at 715. But of course they didn't. They opened at 7:23. But I digress again.
So now we have our tickets and we do the NYC thing. As an aside there really is nothing like NYC. Last week on way to lunch about 3000 people were protesting budget cuts on 3rd Avenue. Broadway has a buzz around it like no other place. So we walk around a little, get the Big NYC Pretzel (we buy it thinking it is healthy, in actuality 660 calories). We kill time till 730. Now line is massive.
Aggravation Number 3 -- the Palace Theatre must be 150 years old. It is ancient. Cramped. The bar with snacks on the right, the hawking of stuff on the left. Patrons come down the middle. The theatre is 200 degrees. We grab a water for the show. And when we get to the front in typical Kornfeld fashion, the people in front of cause the ticket scanning maching to stop working, delaying our line. 2 other lines move fine.
Dawn is annoyed we are center but Row Y. Last row downstairs. She proceeds to lose her water. She is battling some sort of asthmatic brinchitis which she valiantly battles only to cough during the pauses where people are applauding. She is on inhaler thing 6 weeks after first going to doctors to find out what the h was wrong. This continues to bother me. Its no ones fault but she is suffering and it is painful and lousy.
We get in theatre. Poor couple on the aisle is married 60 years plus. Dawn is like my mom now and makes friends with strangers, seat nieghbors, food neighbors on the cruise etc.!! Sweet couple but the lady cannot move well due to a leg injury. Sweet as can be. But people could not move in and out.
Aggravation 4 -- THE SEATS!! Ok, the tie-in to obnesity is here. These seats were narrow. I mean crazy narrow. I mean like think of the worst seat on a dollar aiorplane and then multiple it by like a million. So getting in and out is nuts. I am overweight. But I have been fatter. And these seats were about as tight and uncomfrotable as it gets. The nice German couple next to me, of course bought 4 seats thinking they were all togehter. Seats 108-111. But of course they are not., In our section, odd numbers. To the right, even. Thus their kids sit on other side. Normally Dawn and I would have swapped to be good folk but by time these folks arrived and I understood what was happening show was about to start, I did not want to make the 60 years married couple move, and plus, the people i nfront of us were small so no obstructed views, whereas the kid seats across the way -- tall people!!
So, we have tight tight tight seats, very warm theatre, Dawn cough, unhappy neighbors to my left, chatty neighbors to Dawn's right. The show starts 4 minutes late. Why???
Aggravation 5 -- the Show. One of the greatest movies/shows ever, it simply doesn;t work in this day and age. Modern efforts to upgrade it, to put own unique spin, creation on it, lots of extra singning and dialogue in Spanish, people singing songs they didn;t sing, songs coming out of order, a song that has to be in English being solely in Spanish, and by and large a weak male cast, left me feeling that it was sweet, good, but ultimately unsatisying. I mean I dont want to spilt it for others but there are too many changes and at times it seemd like a college production. The woman who plays Anita is great, and Maria is talented too. But I found it choppy, haphazard and ultimately with the theatre sucking, the heat, etc, not great. Now of course this may also have been because I was preoccupied because while Bretts team won in front of my parents he only played 2 minutes. A disappointment for him and them, but part of Team and experience.
Aggravation 6 -- The parking garage. People i nfront of us cannot get service. No one speaks English and something that takes 3 minutes in theory takes 20 or so -- we cannot get someone to process our ticket.
Aggravation 7 -- So we are on west side, and we decide to connect to 95. I knew I should stay on Henry Hudson where there is nice scenery smooth ride. Instead, listening to my idiot GPS I connct to 95 which is insane traffic even at 11 pm. In meantime, I hear Brett got good minutes and his team won the third game of tournament.
Brett is now officially a man -- my dad, who used to wait for me in his robe or pajamas (usually downstairs in front of building till I had a chat with him, then on couch) to make sure I arrived home, did the same thing for Brett (coach had taken him out to celebrate with his son, one of Brett's buddies). Brett's team in the tournament finals Sunday.
The trip home takes an hour and 40 minutes, I am crabby and cranky and Dawn and I fight as I am an idiot for not trusting myself but instead listening to the annoying little voicebox from GPS which I want to strangle. We fight about height, doctors. her asthma, the traffic, high school basketball, shutting off the map on the car, shutting off the GPS, and pretty much everything else!!! I am insufferable due to traffic.
"Prepare to turn left." This is at 48th street when she wants me to turn left at 57th stret. Prepare to turn left 9 blocks early?? Huh?
All in all, the West Side Story date night was less than stellar. And what Dawn and I were wondering was how people go see this show i nwinter? Where to put your coats exactly in the Palace? I mean in the 16th centure when this theatre was built it must have been comfy because people way 125 pounds soaking wet. Now in our obesity-riddled nation, that theatre needs a renovation!!
Aggravation 8 -- I forgot to mention -- I turn on Celts-Bulls Game 7, which I miss, along with the Derby and the Paquio fight, in time to hear Stephon Marbury, a/k/a Starbury ice the game with two free throws. Proving there is no god in Kornfled-land.
KERNEL 2 -- YANKEE GAME, A CAR ACCIDENT, A JOURNEY THROUGH THE BRONX, HOLE-RIDDEN SNEAKERS, A RAINOUT AND MORE
So Friday was the vile scallops, being green, barely making Brett's game. Saturday was bad travel, traffic, overrated show, and everything else.
Today Brett is in the tournament finals. There is a noonish game. Dylan and I have Yankee tickets. Cap day. My first trip to the new Stadium. We decide to dial car it in. As we approach the highway Dylan remembers he has forgotten his camera. We decide to go without it. Its rainy, drizzly,. I am listening o weather and sports hoping for update. None. Dylan in his Johhny Damon jersey me in my Cooperstown legends Mantle one. Its cap day. We are pumped. Soon to change.
As we approach Exit 2 on the Deegen, early at 1030 (IM envisioning a sit down lunch at Hard Rock Cafe right there, cathing some infield, some batting practice and walking the new stadium) two cars have a spill or skirkimsh and our guy apparently couldn't stop and plows the car in front of him. Loud crash. Seatbelts around so no one gets hurt. But it is a "crunch" of sorts. The two woen jump out of car not mad at our guy but the other car who caused the first accident, Anyway, out guy's front is totalled. Literally. Hood destroyed.
Now what? Hang out for new car? Our guy gets his car to the right, no shoulder, and Dylan and I safely get out and get off the ramp/exit to 138th and Willis. And yes, then journey on foot to the new Stadium. 23 plus blocks and long long long streets to Grand Concourse. Dylan a warrior, My back/knee sore. And its raining. Nothing like a good car accident and a 2 and a ahlf mile walk to get you ready for a game!
And the Yankees string you along waiting to call the game. While at Stadium, Johnny Rockets, Borhter Jimmy's BBQ, hush puppies, brisket, waters, soads, CLub store for jeter jersey for Brett, burnett for dylan, a dimaggio legend for dawn and a hooded swetshirt for me. Plus of course the Garlic Fry spot. At 2 pm, the Yanks rai nthe game out. So yes, we drove from CT, got into a car accident, walked 2 plus miles to the Stadium, spent a zillion dollars, stuffed our faces. And didn;t get to see baseball. Oh, but for effect DYlan made me sit in our seats in the puring rain figuring maybe if we sat there the rain would stop!
In the meantime, Brett's team has won game 4 and I have been getting text update. He got major contribution minutes in this game and helped his team come from down 8 to up 6 in first half. They in a tight game by 6 and are i nthe championship game.
Dylan my warrior and overall great kid. Keeps optimism, says let;s rush home to Brett's game.
So we call for a car. Not the same service. Takes 35 minutes to get one (they said 15). BUT we dont get into any accident, the guy navigates the traffic, takes the sprain to 287 to 95 and its smooth nap inducing ride. We get to Brett's game in time for tip-off. And they WIN THE TITLE. His team is awesome. They run the table and go 5-0 in three days and we celebrate at Unos. I am fat and full and exhausted. (Brett of course per custom woke me this am an hour early for no reason b/c he was wired)
Traffic, a car acccident, excessive eating and spending, adventures, highs and lows, parental challenges (supporting brett and his team knowing he wishes he was playing more), Yankess, basketball, parents, and all that makes our lives, well us.
We are all ok. Crazy weekend. They give you caloric intake on food at Stadium which random public service annoncement.
More later! ("Am I the Only One . . . -- tomorrow)
Korny
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Grab Bag, NBA Musings, recent sports deaths, boxing, ice cream. Politics, and more
April 29, 2009
Today's "kenrel's" are old school rant in no particular order:
KERNEL 1 -- Game 4 -- Chicago-Boston. Both coaches try to lose the game. Doc succeeds. Celts down 3, Bulls allow Ray Allen arguably the best 3 point long range shooter the NBA has ever seen, and eventual Hall of Famer to get a wide open look to tie the game. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE EXACTLY??????? Double team him and then FOUL THE GUY WHO CATCHES THE IN-BOUNDS PASS!! Not to be out-done, in ot, Celts now up 3, commit worse sin. 9 seconds to go. The ball comes in to Salmons -- back to the basket -- the Celts wait for two picks to be set at the circle, Gordon goes deep, and then the hottest shooter in the league right now, Ben Gordon, our CT favorite son, gets a clean look at a 3 with Pierce flailing late at him. Here is an idea -- FOUL THE GUY WHO CATCHES THE BALL BEFORE HE CAN PASS IT. DO NOT ALLOW GORDON, WHO IS LIKE VINNIE FG MICROWAVE JOHNSON FROM THE BAD BOYS DAYS spot up for a game tieing and almost series altering 3! My lord -- how many times will I repeat this -- do not let a guy tie the game with a 3. Period. Cost Celts game 4, like it cost Calipari and Memphis national title. Has to be a way to track this -- how many times a team up 3 lost a game for not fouling versus how many times they lost it by fouling and weird stuff happening! This thing bugs me to no end -- and will now go in my coaches losing games rants.
KERNEL 2 -- GAME 5 -- CELTS-BULLS
In what is as The Sports Guy predicted a trtuly great perhaps legendary first round series, this one was incredible. The Celts had been badly outplayed. Doc could not find a working combination. The Celts down 11 in the 4th looked old and in disarray. Yet they grinded and clawed and fought and dug deep, way deep, and then deeper into the championship reserve tank. never underestimate the heart of a champion. Yes the Bulls are young and immature and that contributed but that was an old school defensive dig deep 4th quarter that allows them to likely now move on where I believe we will see the Big Ticket, KG, make his Willis Reed like heroic return to take on Superman and the Howard and Van Gundy led Magic.
KERNEL 3 -- THE SPORTS GUY STEALS MY THUNDER! OR I STEAL HIS MORE LIKELY
I said last night in a sports bar, and poker, do we not think that the Hornets should think about firing Byron Scott immediately? Like today before Game 5? Full disclosure -- I love Byron. Huge fan. Had "onions" as Raftery says; was willing and able to take a big shot. The Lakers version with better skills than the Bulls Paxson, or the Celtics Ainge back in the day. Byron was a tough player. He took a lot of crap from the Lakers and Magic and Kareen who hazed him when he first joined them as he was replacing Debbie Allen's (of Fame lore and Felicia Rashad od Cosby lore's real-life sister) husband, the beloved Norm Nixon. B was fierce. He also led the Nets, yes, the Nets to two trips to the Finals and they have not been close since (yes Kidd helped but when you give coach criticism for the downfall should get some praise for the success). And he also let the Hornets to more than respectability with CP after all that the city of New Orleans endured. He has been Coach of the Year. he didn;t forget basketball overnight.
And with that said -- team is home to trying to even a series. They on paper have at least as much if not better talent than the opponent. George Karl while a coach I also like because he is tough, speaks his mind, and he was really tender in the Real Sports documentary featuring his son Koby who beat cancer (as did Karl himself twice), is not the greatest motivator historically, and Carmelo has not yet proven to be anything close to the leader like Kobe LeBron, a Duncan (get back to that in a moment), Jordan, Magic, KG, Bird, etc etc. and so with all that said how in the fg world did the Hornets lose by nearly 60 points?? That team has underachieved all season. But for one game, season on line arguably, this is how you lose? Its not like basbeall where sometimes the pitcher just doesnt have it and it all gets away. Or the other pitcher is just so good that try as you might you cant hit him. Basketball effort matters. Defense. Rebounding. Positioning. Heart. it actually takes a concerted effort to lose by this many points. Did the players actually quit? I mean what does quitting look like if not what happened the other night? Down 30 at the half, not even a token run? You cant fire all the players which is unfortunate, but on Scott's watch this happened. When they are eliminated I expect the owner to blow it all up. I mean that was beyond pitiful and that has to start and stop with the coach. It is one thing to lose, or get blown out but not to summon up an ounce of pride at home is inexcusable. They were humiliated. I mean anyone can be off, miss shots, but the lack of professionalism and committment is atrocious. I mean in recent days the Cowboys losing to division rivals, my beloved E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES by 6 touchdowns is a similar laydown, but sometimes in football that happens when its all or nothing; teams press, force stuff, nothing clicks and it steamrools. Often see it in Super Bowl. And the Boys were on the road. I mean bottom line, I dont want to blame Byron but he wont survive this.
On a lesser scale the once proud Pistons looked like they had little collective heart. Yet Michael Curry survived as does Lawrence Frank who is a seemingly smart hoops mind whose time also seemingly is up in NJ.
KERNEL 4 -- RIP SAN ANTONIO
Wow. they looked old last night. And now Cuban looks like a mini-genius for replacing Avery with Carlisle. Mavs, who have far less taltent than teams that went to Finals or barely missed them in the 80s and then under Cuban outplayed, outcoached Pops. Spurs looked lost without Manu, and there was no combination that worked. All those role players that fit so beautifully during season looked like deers in the lights. Every time the Spurs looked like they had it in them to make an Alamo last stand and survie at home, the Mavs stepped on their necks. Say what you will but the often criticized Eric Dampier's public comments seemed to light a fire under the Mavs and he rose to the occasion. Tony Parker is off the charts but he missed a real wingman.
KENREL 5 -- RECENT SPORTS DEATHS
In addition, to the untimely passing of Marvin the Eraser Webster, another symbol of Knick futility, a hustle player, the fans embraced for his effort but not talent was Glen Gonderizick who died at 53 after a heart transplant. Gondo was fun to watch without any meaningful NBA talent. I remember wathcing hi mthinking here is an inpsiorational story of a guy who achieves because he works as hard as he can. In a woefully underreported story, former heavyweight champion Greg Page died at age 50 after 8 plus years with hideous medical problems too numerous and sad to recount. Real Sports did a great special on him ahwile back. Why this story didn't get more national sports coverage play is a disgrace. Page was severely brain damaged in a fight he had after his 40th birthday because he needed the money. It was insane then and now that he was licensed and is why regulation in boxing needs to be so dramatically re-done. A completely avoidable tragedy. Senator McCain's interest in this issue should rise again. This was a sad ending to a disgraceful chapeter in boxing and it a tragic reminder of what corruption in sports can result in within the underbelly of the sport. Like the NFL players fight for better retirment and wages, the same protections for boxers needs to be examined.
KERNEL 6 -- CARVEL
I admit it. I am at the age of 42, an ice cream snob. Growing up, there was Carvel on Union Turnpike in Queens, Baskin Robbins on the Boulevard, Mister Softee who would come up 84th drive, ring the bell and we would run downstairs, and the Good Humor Man at the Park in Briarwood. For each of their respective purposes, they would do. Mister Softee was my favorite because it had that funky thing it could do wit hthe chocolate dip on a cone. Carvel would do on the way home from Little League. Good humor at the Big Park would have some creative options which was ok. Mister Softee was the best for Root Beer floats, and Baskin Robbins would be the family ice cream. Pints to take home. Chocoloate chip. Rocky Road before my death nuts allergy.
So we go into Carvel the other day. Nicest day of the year so far. First, a la a trip to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, service, was dare I say a tad slow? A trianee with no supervision takes a shot at the biggest crowd of the season. I have the root beer float. Terrible. Cant actually describe it. Had no float taste. Was like combining two ingredients and not getting the blended taste. Kids had ice cream. Brett says no sprinkles and the thing is loaded not with the cute thin sprinkles but Carvel's fat wide sci fi type sprinkles. Dawn's peanut butter concoction was a weird composition. On balance a disappointment. Whats worse is the day before Brett ordered the "All Lovin, No Oven" Love it from Cold Stone, with a mix of Reeces Peanut Butter Cup and it is off the charts good, plus the guy does tricks in making it like the Hibachi guy at a good Japanese Hibachi spot. So Carvel really missed the boat for me the next day.
While the Ice Cream Cake Whale thingy for Fathers Day probably would still work, I think the only ice cream from my past that makes the grade still on the rare occasion is the Mister Softee truck. Otherwise, like Starbucks (I mean I could just order a regular cup of coffee as opposed to a fat, thin, foam, no foam, splenda, mocha, decaf soy iced, creation, right?) I sday spend the extra few bucks on the better ice cream. Or to quote Rob Lowe, a/k/a Sam Seaborn, "here's my idea, instead of buying these ships, don;t buy these ships, buty better ships. Spend the extra $11million dollars". In ice cream parlance, buy ther better ice cream -- not the old sachool, once was good enough ice cream. It is a treat after all. Find savings elsewhere -- go to the matinee, turn the lights off more, don;t run the air a few nights a week in favor of just opening the windows. But dont skimp on the ioce cream!
KENREL 7 -- THE FLY BY
Ok, President Obama does a great job being accountable, and standing up and saying we made mistakes. Won't happen again. Go him. And President Bush before him would not likely have been so contrite. All a given. Here is my problem -- hypothetically, had this happened on his wacth, the media outcry would have been unrelenting, cries of profound insensitivity to NYC, victims of 9-11, the whole onslaught of criticsm. President Obama had a very limited cycle here and got the equivalent of a media pass. I think its fine that this story didnt take on a life of its own to the degree others would but anyone who doesnt thin kthere is a massive double standard here isn't watching. Personally, I have zero interest in "gotcha" President Obama. I do think it a a little scary that this was DOD. People want to be safe and secure in the knowledge that these folks won't make these mistakes.
And speaking of politics, the world will not end of course because a politician changed his spots. Specter's attempt to passd this off as he had reached the end of his rope with his party is comical. He thinks this gives him a better chance at survival politically. I always thought him an interesting political creature, with his expedient moderate positioning. But now, by being the impetus for the filibuster proof Democratic party he may get lots of support and financial backing from the White House and the Party. There was no epiphpany here. He did something politicians do. There was no honor in it. There was nothing philosophical about it as his own comments in recent months make clear. Anyway, his choice, but go easy on the nobility, please.
KERNEL 8 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE
Who wonders how their kids can accumulate 3 weeks of laundry and nort be a little bother4ed when it is stacked 5 feet high?
Who thinks that Joe Girardi has a little too much Bobby Valentine in him without as much gravitas? He chose Ransom over Berroa at third. Ransom can't hit a lick. He chose Nady over Swisher to play everyday. Swisher has been arguably Yanks best hitter. He chose not to go with a long man and they needed one as they do every April. He chose Gardner over Melky and Gardner can't hit very well. It's the I always know more than conventional wisdom or average fan syndrome. Always have to tweak things to look smarter. He chose Jaba to start and Hughes to go to minors when by all accounts a healthy Hughes was always the better prized prospect and Jaba would be much better serving the team in the pen where he can let loose and blow guys away and shorten the game like he did two years ago. Plus, Ynaks have trouble stopping bleeding under Girardi. Torre's Yanks had lots of bad losses but rarely did they carry or linger or domino into a "thing." Girardi's Yankees do not show that resilliance as easily.
Who thinks the Mets are not really any better playing for manuel than they were playing for one of my boyhood heroes, Wille Randolph?
Who thinks it cool that Fox is showing Lie to Me and Idol over President Obama's third press conference the last few weeks?
Who wonders whether he would lose all of his dress socks if there were 4 washer dryers in the house?
Who likes to look at new house listings when the weather warms up?
Who thinks a 60-day detox program with no work in Canyon Ranch might do the trick for the never ending quest for better health and weight loss?
Who wonders why dental insurance doesn;t cover something like teeth pulls in advance of braces? I mean should insurance really be about the cleanings?
Who thinks it would be cool if someone could invent a way to rewind a song on the car radio upon you turning to it mid-song? The other day Sir-Mix-a-Lot was on 90s on 9 but we only cauth the last 1/4 of it and i was thinking if I had a magic button I could simply rewind it right there and hear it. A la a tivo like thing for the radio. These things pop in from time to time, please indulge me.
Who thinks the Eagles drafting another smallish receiver is not the answer? I trust Eagles judgment on personnel but if I see Edwards or Bouldin or Ocho Cinco traded to a team for lower value I will become annoyed.
Who wonders why Harrison Ford was cast in the Sabrina re-make? Kinnear was great as was Ford's mother (played by the wonderful actress who played Tony Soprano's mom) but Ford is sooo stiff in that movie. Ruined the chemistry.
And this leads me to an abbreviated list of people badly miscast from my work-in-progress Interactive Movie Madness book which I might finish one day in retiement. A top 5 teaser if you will:
Meg Ryan in the movie where she plays an alocholic married to Andy Garcia. When a Man Loves a Woman. I mean seriously who thought this was a good idea. I understand actors and actrsses desire to not be typecast but America's sweetehart (When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Youv'e Got Mail, Innerspace, Joe Versus the Volcano . . . .) playing this reckless, insane, depressed, miserable drunk. Courtney Love (a la her role in the Larry Flint sotry with Woody Harreolson) perhaps, Anglina, Halle Berre a la her role with Billy Bob in her Oscar turn. Not Meg. This was well before her awful effort to be "dark" in the movie In the Cut.
Michael J Fox as the coked out guy who reads the NY Post in Bright Lights Big City (in addition to the crazy baby story, that movie gets all types of love because his sister in the movie is hard rocking Kornfeld loving JJ -- the legendary, I hate Myself for Loving You, one and only Joan Jett!). This is Alex Keaton everyone. The kid from the fun loving Back to the Future trilogy with Wacky Christopher Lloys. Teen Wolf. Teen Wolf on Coke? Really?
Michael J Fox as the soulful soldier who sticks up against the ruthless pillaging and raping platoonmate Sean Penn in Casualties of War. I can't fully describe in words how bad this casting was. because it is a war movie I am giving Fox two spots here. And the worst par tis I love him as an actor and person. But even the best are in the worng place.
And in the spirit of Michael J Fox, miscasting often occurs when someone thinks it a good idea to take really funny, legendary funny people and put them in a war movie. Not a sarcastic or ironic role. But a true solider or war movie. So making the teaser list -- Bill Murray in the Razor's Edge. I mean there were people who thought he desrerved critical acclaim for this movie. Not me. This is Stripes, Caddyshack, Ghostbusters legend. He simply cannot pull off this serious depressing role.
Obviously Kenau being cast in anything beyond the sophomoric comedies of Bill and Tedd or the sci fi stuff where his acting makes the movie campy, would qualify as miscast. And a random thought -- I am going to name the "Belushi" award in this category for those who actually overcome being so badly miscast.
Belushi was Animal House. There really is nothing else beyond that and SNL of course. he was funny and gross and beyond talented. And he was also in a movie called Continental Divide, which showed how talented he actually was. A loner who finds romance and love and plays it totally straight. There must have been a hubndred actors who would have been more logical and on paper he seems worse than Harrison Ford in Sabrina remake. But Belushi actually gives a charming wonderful performance. hence the Kornfeld-inspired "Belushi."
I have hundreds of these. Give me yours!
Who wonders whether weight wacthers should change the last name to weight trackers? Watchers has a stalker quality to it, no?
Who wonders why their son can't enjoy the movie unless he orders the hideous buttery worst thing in the world for you popcorn?
Who wonders why there is traffic in NYC at 1230 am leaving the city?
Who wonders if the diversity and cross section of the population that attends a live WWE event is unique in the world of sorts/entertainment?
Who wonders if loving thy neighbor might conflict with other commandments?
Who wonders if Robert Downey is the best actor of my generation?
Who wonders if his fantasy team has the stuff to go the distance?
Who wonders is his kids could survive the way he did growing up if it all got taken away?
Who thinks E-360 is really well done?
Who thinks someone should figure out to invent longer than 24 hours in a day in the life, more than 365 days in a year and how we can all live longer and healthier all the time? I would do the patent and IP work for that one pro bono although I susepct the inventor could afford the fees.
Happy Hump Day one and all.
Korny
Today's "kenrel's" are old school rant in no particular order:
KERNEL 1 -- Game 4 -- Chicago-Boston. Both coaches try to lose the game. Doc succeeds. Celts down 3, Bulls allow Ray Allen arguably the best 3 point long range shooter the NBA has ever seen, and eventual Hall of Famer to get a wide open look to tie the game. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE EXACTLY??????? Double team him and then FOUL THE GUY WHO CATCHES THE IN-BOUNDS PASS!! Not to be out-done, in ot, Celts now up 3, commit worse sin. 9 seconds to go. The ball comes in to Salmons -- back to the basket -- the Celts wait for two picks to be set at the circle, Gordon goes deep, and then the hottest shooter in the league right now, Ben Gordon, our CT favorite son, gets a clean look at a 3 with Pierce flailing late at him. Here is an idea -- FOUL THE GUY WHO CATCHES THE BALL BEFORE HE CAN PASS IT. DO NOT ALLOW GORDON, WHO IS LIKE VINNIE FG MICROWAVE JOHNSON FROM THE BAD BOYS DAYS spot up for a game tieing and almost series altering 3! My lord -- how many times will I repeat this -- do not let a guy tie the game with a 3. Period. Cost Celts game 4, like it cost Calipari and Memphis national title. Has to be a way to track this -- how many times a team up 3 lost a game for not fouling versus how many times they lost it by fouling and weird stuff happening! This thing bugs me to no end -- and will now go in my coaches losing games rants.
KERNEL 2 -- GAME 5 -- CELTS-BULLS
In what is as The Sports Guy predicted a trtuly great perhaps legendary first round series, this one was incredible. The Celts had been badly outplayed. Doc could not find a working combination. The Celts down 11 in the 4th looked old and in disarray. Yet they grinded and clawed and fought and dug deep, way deep, and then deeper into the championship reserve tank. never underestimate the heart of a champion. Yes the Bulls are young and immature and that contributed but that was an old school defensive dig deep 4th quarter that allows them to likely now move on where I believe we will see the Big Ticket, KG, make his Willis Reed like heroic return to take on Superman and the Howard and Van Gundy led Magic.
KERNEL 3 -- THE SPORTS GUY STEALS MY THUNDER! OR I STEAL HIS MORE LIKELY
I said last night in a sports bar, and poker, do we not think that the Hornets should think about firing Byron Scott immediately? Like today before Game 5? Full disclosure -- I love Byron. Huge fan. Had "onions" as Raftery says; was willing and able to take a big shot. The Lakers version with better skills than the Bulls Paxson, or the Celtics Ainge back in the day. Byron was a tough player. He took a lot of crap from the Lakers and Magic and Kareen who hazed him when he first joined them as he was replacing Debbie Allen's (of Fame lore and Felicia Rashad od Cosby lore's real-life sister) husband, the beloved Norm Nixon. B was fierce. He also led the Nets, yes, the Nets to two trips to the Finals and they have not been close since (yes Kidd helped but when you give coach criticism for the downfall should get some praise for the success). And he also let the Hornets to more than respectability with CP after all that the city of New Orleans endured. He has been Coach of the Year. he didn;t forget basketball overnight.
And with that said -- team is home to trying to even a series. They on paper have at least as much if not better talent than the opponent. George Karl while a coach I also like because he is tough, speaks his mind, and he was really tender in the Real Sports documentary featuring his son Koby who beat cancer (as did Karl himself twice), is not the greatest motivator historically, and Carmelo has not yet proven to be anything close to the leader like Kobe LeBron, a Duncan (get back to that in a moment), Jordan, Magic, KG, Bird, etc etc. and so with all that said how in the fg world did the Hornets lose by nearly 60 points?? That team has underachieved all season. But for one game, season on line arguably, this is how you lose? Its not like basbeall where sometimes the pitcher just doesnt have it and it all gets away. Or the other pitcher is just so good that try as you might you cant hit him. Basketball effort matters. Defense. Rebounding. Positioning. Heart. it actually takes a concerted effort to lose by this many points. Did the players actually quit? I mean what does quitting look like if not what happened the other night? Down 30 at the half, not even a token run? You cant fire all the players which is unfortunate, but on Scott's watch this happened. When they are eliminated I expect the owner to blow it all up. I mean that was beyond pitiful and that has to start and stop with the coach. It is one thing to lose, or get blown out but not to summon up an ounce of pride at home is inexcusable. They were humiliated. I mean anyone can be off, miss shots, but the lack of professionalism and committment is atrocious. I mean in recent days the Cowboys losing to division rivals, my beloved E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES by 6 touchdowns is a similar laydown, but sometimes in football that happens when its all or nothing; teams press, force stuff, nothing clicks and it steamrools. Often see it in Super Bowl. And the Boys were on the road. I mean bottom line, I dont want to blame Byron but he wont survive this.
On a lesser scale the once proud Pistons looked like they had little collective heart. Yet Michael Curry survived as does Lawrence Frank who is a seemingly smart hoops mind whose time also seemingly is up in NJ.
KERNEL 4 -- RIP SAN ANTONIO
Wow. they looked old last night. And now Cuban looks like a mini-genius for replacing Avery with Carlisle. Mavs, who have far less taltent than teams that went to Finals or barely missed them in the 80s and then under Cuban outplayed, outcoached Pops. Spurs looked lost without Manu, and there was no combination that worked. All those role players that fit so beautifully during season looked like deers in the lights. Every time the Spurs looked like they had it in them to make an Alamo last stand and survie at home, the Mavs stepped on their necks. Say what you will but the often criticized Eric Dampier's public comments seemed to light a fire under the Mavs and he rose to the occasion. Tony Parker is off the charts but he missed a real wingman.
KENREL 5 -- RECENT SPORTS DEATHS
In addition, to the untimely passing of Marvin the Eraser Webster, another symbol of Knick futility, a hustle player, the fans embraced for his effort but not talent was Glen Gonderizick who died at 53 after a heart transplant. Gondo was fun to watch without any meaningful NBA talent. I remember wathcing hi mthinking here is an inpsiorational story of a guy who achieves because he works as hard as he can. In a woefully underreported story, former heavyweight champion Greg Page died at age 50 after 8 plus years with hideous medical problems too numerous and sad to recount. Real Sports did a great special on him ahwile back. Why this story didn't get more national sports coverage play is a disgrace. Page was severely brain damaged in a fight he had after his 40th birthday because he needed the money. It was insane then and now that he was licensed and is why regulation in boxing needs to be so dramatically re-done. A completely avoidable tragedy. Senator McCain's interest in this issue should rise again. This was a sad ending to a disgraceful chapeter in boxing and it a tragic reminder of what corruption in sports can result in within the underbelly of the sport. Like the NFL players fight for better retirment and wages, the same protections for boxers needs to be examined.
KERNEL 6 -- CARVEL
I admit it. I am at the age of 42, an ice cream snob. Growing up, there was Carvel on Union Turnpike in Queens, Baskin Robbins on the Boulevard, Mister Softee who would come up 84th drive, ring the bell and we would run downstairs, and the Good Humor Man at the Park in Briarwood. For each of their respective purposes, they would do. Mister Softee was my favorite because it had that funky thing it could do wit hthe chocolate dip on a cone. Carvel would do on the way home from Little League. Good humor at the Big Park would have some creative options which was ok. Mister Softee was the best for Root Beer floats, and Baskin Robbins would be the family ice cream. Pints to take home. Chocoloate chip. Rocky Road before my death nuts allergy.
So we go into Carvel the other day. Nicest day of the year so far. First, a la a trip to Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, service, was dare I say a tad slow? A trianee with no supervision takes a shot at the biggest crowd of the season. I have the root beer float. Terrible. Cant actually describe it. Had no float taste. Was like combining two ingredients and not getting the blended taste. Kids had ice cream. Brett says no sprinkles and the thing is loaded not with the cute thin sprinkles but Carvel's fat wide sci fi type sprinkles. Dawn's peanut butter concoction was a weird composition. On balance a disappointment. Whats worse is the day before Brett ordered the "All Lovin, No Oven" Love it from Cold Stone, with a mix of Reeces Peanut Butter Cup and it is off the charts good, plus the guy does tricks in making it like the Hibachi guy at a good Japanese Hibachi spot. So Carvel really missed the boat for me the next day.
While the Ice Cream Cake Whale thingy for Fathers Day probably would still work, I think the only ice cream from my past that makes the grade still on the rare occasion is the Mister Softee truck. Otherwise, like Starbucks (I mean I could just order a regular cup of coffee as opposed to a fat, thin, foam, no foam, splenda, mocha, decaf soy iced, creation, right?) I sday spend the extra few bucks on the better ice cream. Or to quote Rob Lowe, a/k/a Sam Seaborn, "here's my idea, instead of buying these ships, don;t buy these ships, buty better ships. Spend the extra $11million dollars". In ice cream parlance, buy ther better ice cream -- not the old sachool, once was good enough ice cream. It is a treat after all. Find savings elsewhere -- go to the matinee, turn the lights off more, don;t run the air a few nights a week in favor of just opening the windows. But dont skimp on the ioce cream!
KENREL 7 -- THE FLY BY
Ok, President Obama does a great job being accountable, and standing up and saying we made mistakes. Won't happen again. Go him. And President Bush before him would not likely have been so contrite. All a given. Here is my problem -- hypothetically, had this happened on his wacth, the media outcry would have been unrelenting, cries of profound insensitivity to NYC, victims of 9-11, the whole onslaught of criticsm. President Obama had a very limited cycle here and got the equivalent of a media pass. I think its fine that this story didnt take on a life of its own to the degree others would but anyone who doesnt thin kthere is a massive double standard here isn't watching. Personally, I have zero interest in "gotcha" President Obama. I do think it a a little scary that this was DOD. People want to be safe and secure in the knowledge that these folks won't make these mistakes.
And speaking of politics, the world will not end of course because a politician changed his spots. Specter's attempt to passd this off as he had reached the end of his rope with his party is comical. He thinks this gives him a better chance at survival politically. I always thought him an interesting political creature, with his expedient moderate positioning. But now, by being the impetus for the filibuster proof Democratic party he may get lots of support and financial backing from the White House and the Party. There was no epiphpany here. He did something politicians do. There was no honor in it. There was nothing philosophical about it as his own comments in recent months make clear. Anyway, his choice, but go easy on the nobility, please.
KERNEL 8 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE
Who wonders how their kids can accumulate 3 weeks of laundry and nort be a little bother4ed when it is stacked 5 feet high?
Who thinks that Joe Girardi has a little too much Bobby Valentine in him without as much gravitas? He chose Ransom over Berroa at third. Ransom can't hit a lick. He chose Nady over Swisher to play everyday. Swisher has been arguably Yanks best hitter. He chose not to go with a long man and they needed one as they do every April. He chose Gardner over Melky and Gardner can't hit very well. It's the I always know more than conventional wisdom or average fan syndrome. Always have to tweak things to look smarter. He chose Jaba to start and Hughes to go to minors when by all accounts a healthy Hughes was always the better prized prospect and Jaba would be much better serving the team in the pen where he can let loose and blow guys away and shorten the game like he did two years ago. Plus, Ynaks have trouble stopping bleeding under Girardi. Torre's Yanks had lots of bad losses but rarely did they carry or linger or domino into a "thing." Girardi's Yankees do not show that resilliance as easily.
Who thinks the Mets are not really any better playing for manuel than they were playing for one of my boyhood heroes, Wille Randolph?
Who thinks it cool that Fox is showing Lie to Me and Idol over President Obama's third press conference the last few weeks?
Who wonders whether he would lose all of his dress socks if there were 4 washer dryers in the house?
Who likes to look at new house listings when the weather warms up?
Who thinks a 60-day detox program with no work in Canyon Ranch might do the trick for the never ending quest for better health and weight loss?
Who wonders why dental insurance doesn;t cover something like teeth pulls in advance of braces? I mean should insurance really be about the cleanings?
Who thinks it would be cool if someone could invent a way to rewind a song on the car radio upon you turning to it mid-song? The other day Sir-Mix-a-Lot was on 90s on 9 but we only cauth the last 1/4 of it and i was thinking if I had a magic button I could simply rewind it right there and hear it. A la a tivo like thing for the radio. These things pop in from time to time, please indulge me.
Who thinks the Eagles drafting another smallish receiver is not the answer? I trust Eagles judgment on personnel but if I see Edwards or Bouldin or Ocho Cinco traded to a team for lower value I will become annoyed.
Who wonders why Harrison Ford was cast in the Sabrina re-make? Kinnear was great as was Ford's mother (played by the wonderful actress who played Tony Soprano's mom) but Ford is sooo stiff in that movie. Ruined the chemistry.
And this leads me to an abbreviated list of people badly miscast from my work-in-progress Interactive Movie Madness book which I might finish one day in retiement. A top 5 teaser if you will:
Meg Ryan in the movie where she plays an alocholic married to Andy Garcia. When a Man Loves a Woman. I mean seriously who thought this was a good idea. I understand actors and actrsses desire to not be typecast but America's sweetehart (When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Youv'e Got Mail, Innerspace, Joe Versus the Volcano . . . .) playing this reckless, insane, depressed, miserable drunk. Courtney Love (a la her role in the Larry Flint sotry with Woody Harreolson) perhaps, Anglina, Halle Berre a la her role with Billy Bob in her Oscar turn. Not Meg. This was well before her awful effort to be "dark" in the movie In the Cut.
Michael J Fox as the coked out guy who reads the NY Post in Bright Lights Big City (in addition to the crazy baby story, that movie gets all types of love because his sister in the movie is hard rocking Kornfeld loving JJ -- the legendary, I hate Myself for Loving You, one and only Joan Jett!). This is Alex Keaton everyone. The kid from the fun loving Back to the Future trilogy with Wacky Christopher Lloys. Teen Wolf. Teen Wolf on Coke? Really?
Michael J Fox as the soulful soldier who sticks up against the ruthless pillaging and raping platoonmate Sean Penn in Casualties of War. I can't fully describe in words how bad this casting was. because it is a war movie I am giving Fox two spots here. And the worst par tis I love him as an actor and person. But even the best are in the worng place.
And in the spirit of Michael J Fox, miscasting often occurs when someone thinks it a good idea to take really funny, legendary funny people and put them in a war movie. Not a sarcastic or ironic role. But a true solider or war movie. So making the teaser list -- Bill Murray in the Razor's Edge. I mean there were people who thought he desrerved critical acclaim for this movie. Not me. This is Stripes, Caddyshack, Ghostbusters legend. He simply cannot pull off this serious depressing role.
Obviously Kenau being cast in anything beyond the sophomoric comedies of Bill and Tedd or the sci fi stuff where his acting makes the movie campy, would qualify as miscast. And a random thought -- I am going to name the "Belushi" award in this category for those who actually overcome being so badly miscast.
Belushi was Animal House. There really is nothing else beyond that and SNL of course. he was funny and gross and beyond talented. And he was also in a movie called Continental Divide, which showed how talented he actually was. A loner who finds romance and love and plays it totally straight. There must have been a hubndred actors who would have been more logical and on paper he seems worse than Harrison Ford in Sabrina remake. But Belushi actually gives a charming wonderful performance. hence the Kornfeld-inspired "Belushi."
I have hundreds of these. Give me yours!
Who wonders whether weight wacthers should change the last name to weight trackers? Watchers has a stalker quality to it, no?
Who wonders why their son can't enjoy the movie unless he orders the hideous buttery worst thing in the world for you popcorn?
Who wonders why there is traffic in NYC at 1230 am leaving the city?
Who wonders if the diversity and cross section of the population that attends a live WWE event is unique in the world of sorts/entertainment?
Who wonders if loving thy neighbor might conflict with other commandments?
Who wonders if Robert Downey is the best actor of my generation?
Who wonders if his fantasy team has the stuff to go the distance?
Who wonders is his kids could survive the way he did growing up if it all got taken away?
Who thinks E-360 is really well done?
Who thinks someone should figure out to invent longer than 24 hours in a day in the life, more than 365 days in a year and how we can all live longer and healthier all the time? I would do the patent and IP work for that one pro bono although I susepct the inventor could afford the fees.
Happy Hump Day one and all.
Korny
Friday, April 24, 2009
CRUISELAG -- PART II
April 24, 2009
CRUISELAG PART 2
So, the first week back from our cruise comes to an end. I did well in breaking the way too much to eat habits. I only ate 5 times a day instead of 10! Kidding. A little. Having gained 9 pounds since Brett's bar mitzvah, I lost 4 back this week just by eating normally. But have beeen unable to get to bed early. Next week, its back to disciplined sleep habits or bust! No more late night tivo, blogging, scrabbling, facebooking, chatting etc. Need more sleep to be sure!
Now, where was I in crusieland? More highlights, review style:
KORNY'S KERNELS NUMBER 1 -- BINGO
We played bingo one game. It was a B&O column game. We bought 18 cards for $55 (as opposed to 6 cards for $45 -- see, a "bargain"!). What made the experience truly interesting was that we didn't get actual cards. We got a handheld "bingo machine." Looked like some sort of ATM machine for your hand and it electronically tracked and gave you stats. A first. I kind of like finding the numbers myself and circling them. This is like auto-scoring in the bowling alley. Takes some getting used to for sure!
I have played bingo periodically over the last 35 years on random getaways. The Catskills. The corny place with the heart shaped beds Dawn and I like when the kids were in camp in Pennsylvain. Have never won. I mean literally ever. I am left wondering what I could have done with the bingo losses, the losing lottery tickets had I never played. College tuition? A nrew car? A trip around the world? Probably not. Presumably i would have lost that money in blackjack, poker etc! Anyway, Dawn I kid you not hits the first 7 "calls" and we immediately need only 3 for the Carribean cruise for 2 giveaway. But alas the Kornfeld kiss of death at bingo gene kicks right in o ntime. We go cold on the next 3 calls and on the 11th call some sheepish, 14- year old kid gets up one away, is roundly booed and on the 12th number hits the bingo! And is roundly booed then politely applauded by the 250 plus losers who apparently I poisoned with the dreaded bingo curse! They had bingo on the cruise at various times but we only played once. For the big enchalanda. That's like, we only play the lotto or megamillions when it is 150m or more, since at 100m it isnt worth our time! Speaking of which the funny little megamillionsman was on last night, over 150m, I will get our tickets later . . .
KORNY'S KERNEL 2 -- CASINO
We walked through it a lot. It was pretty. Was only a tad smoky so not awful. It was the quickest way to the photos. Coincidence? I think not says the paranoid conspiracy theorist! Anyway, I played 100 bucks worth of blackjack, played two shoes and walked away with exactly 100 dollars. Pretty impressive! Interestingly, whereas in most casions there is always craps noise and action, onthe ship no one, literally, no one played craps. Blackjack and roulette. I also did not play the two texas hold em tounraments. They take up too much time theoretically but next cruise, I am playing.
KORNY'S KERNEL 3 -- ENTERTAINMENT
3 comedians. One, Bobby Collins from NYC was hilarious. Another was being inadvertently hecklrd by a loud 2 year old girl who scream-laughed at every sentence the guy spoke. He couldn't even set up the joke without here from the balcony scream-laughing (new word alert -- scraughing). At first it was funny but after the third time people were literally glaring at the parents who brought their 2 year old to the 9 pm comedy show, and who would not stop talking so loud throughout it was actually distracting.
One production show ("Marquee") -- good not great (Broadway tribute). The funniest night -- Love and Marriage -- take off on the Newlywed Game. They chose a newlywed couple, whose combined age happened to be almost 180! The older man of course unbeknownst to the audience who selected them to participate could barely hear which inadvertently made the whole thing funny for the audience and nearly impossible for the cruise director. As an aside the cruise director was hilarious and energetic and distinctive in his own right that he actually made the shows fun on his own. Anyway, back to Love and Marriage -- they picked a couple from NC married 15 years (they were very funny and reminded you of one of the couple that would actually be on that game show! laughing, arguing, ribbing, etc.) and finally a couple married 50 years. That couple looked incredible! Tanned, rested, impeccably dressed. The man in this couple on stage looked like Hesch, the counsel/bookie for Tony Sporano (i.e. the actor now playing the chief on Rescue Me, or for a movie reference, the gentleman who courts Shirley McClain at the retirement home in the "classic" movie "In Her Shoes, which stars among others the legendary Cameron Diaz, the woman who is the lead on United States of Tara (and played Alice's obsession, Dana, the professional tennis player who dies a shocking and quick death during the L Word), and whose husband in In Her Shoes was played by the "good" Republican on Ways and Means during the Season 2 hearings into Bartlett's failure to disclose his MS, who helps Leo avoid having to publicly testify to his pre-election relapse in the hotel room while trying to raise last-minute money for Bartlett in flashback scenes . . . -- [This my friends is a true stream of cosnciousness entertainement filled references diversion from the original story!] The wife (back to the Love and Marriage thing) was polished. And they as a couple were adoreable. Questions about bra sizes, first dates, the first thing the man touches in the morning besides the alarm clock, movie that best describes their love life etc etc. Room was packed and it was howlingly funny! The poor Cruise Director couldnt help but laugh when the newlywed man, who was a ham, could barely hear a thing.
Throw in the human contortionist acrobat couple, more comedians, some magic (wea kfor me), and the evening entertainment was quite enjoyable. The Crusie director doing his Evolution of Dance imitation/rendtion was priceless. And should have made YouTube.
And of course, despite asking them every night the kids opted out of being with their folks after dinner. Every single night. They went to the Living Room, the Sports Court, did pajamas movie night, capture the flag, night clubbing, and other teen activities at Pharoh's Palace and The Crypt (adult club). Dawn and I had drinks all over the ship, outside the pub (who had a great bar singer who got audience participation in drinking songs), in the jazz club, etc. Live music all over the ship is a huge bonus. Creates a buzz. Fun. We didn't participate in the all ship parades, 70s night, etc. Not our thing even though it looked funny. We did go dancing one night ourselves briefly which was also a lot of fun.
We did Sports Trvia one night in advance of the show. Team Zen. We finished respectably. One funny note -- before the contest, the kids were "prepping" and they asked me the name of the 4 nba teams whose last name does not end in S. And wouldn't you know that the bonus trivia question was that exact one. Pretty incredible. P.S. For those curious -- Jazz, Heat, Thunder, Magic.
RCTV -- Royal Carribean TV -- hilarious. Got Foxnews, a CBS mixer channel, and 4 movies that played over 8 channels in 5 different languages (Iron Man in Portugues, French, Spanish for example), plus the cruise ship channels where you could watch the shows, the promenade entertainement, people walking by etc. Brett took a liking to Sean Hannity, which scared Dawn!
KORNY KERNEL 4 -- FOOD
We had the Main Seating for Dinner at 6 pm, our waiter of course loved the boys and was exceptionally attentive, the bread and drink man (the kids did all you can drink soda package) performed little magic tricks, Dawn bought the chef's cookbook which the waiter had the executive chef, himself and the assistant waiters sign, etc. The food vascillated between ok, good, great and exceptional.
My pet peeve -- not enough sweet, chocolatey desserts that were NUT-FREE!!! I am hell bent on opening some sort of eatery which does not have nuts. Of any kind!! I only had dessert in the dining room once because the only non nut thing was usually cheesecake! I thought the lobster/shrimp night was outstanding. The bread was great as were the salads. Appetizers were usally very good. I thought the steaks/lamb were good not great. When I went a little off center the food was just ok. On balance very good. Over 6 meals exactly what you would expect. We had one nice dinner at the steak house on board Chops. Kids loved it. As did I. Nice presentation, service etc. of course, if memory serves, no dessert for me! Not that I need it.
Breakfasts -- we did dining room twice where we met other folk, we did buffet twice, did room service once. We also did the buffet lunch the first day on the ship. We also tried all the other goodies. Seemingly every snack in the coffee shop, burgers onion rings and shakes at johnny rockets, ben and jerrys, fresh feta and good pizza at sorrentos, daquiries, and fun drinks by the pools and so on and so forth.
All in a foodfest as expected.
KORNY'S KERNELS 5 -- SHOPPING
Off the ship, to repeat hated Labadee (waste of money), barely anything really in Jamaica, modest shopping in Caymans, and awesome shopping in Cozamel. Kids bought tshirts, doodads, knick knacks, chatckes, or what Dawn and I used to affectionately refer to as completley useless objects. Moraccas, flute with name carved in it, stupid/funny t-shirts, hats, I bought a 3 Amigos sombrero (see the pisctures posted on facebook), we bought every hustler's picture request pretty much (these are super fun), baseball caps, Dawn bought great jewelry, sterling silver, etc. Whereas dawn and the kids like "negotiating" I find it tiring. Dawn does well in these barters. A master at work.
On the ship, we got a great necklace as a rememberance, some funks liquor chocolates, and many, many, many, many photos!
KORNY'S KERNEL'S 6 -- ART AUCTION
Ok, this is where we go nuts. Free champagne, raffles, plus looking at art. We have gone to two auctions and we love looking at galleries. I know nothing of art the way people who study do. I just like it. Anyway, we take leave of our senses here, but did buy two really beautiful pieces. We showed rerstraint not buying an original we loved, or the memerobilia art signatures of Ali and Frazier, in favor or true art. It was a lot of fun ans the lovely couple from Park West did a nice job. Of course then they call, slip stuff under the door every day. Once they hook you it is all over! We will need to make room in our ever shrinking house space.
KORNY'S KERNELS 7 -- EXCURSIONS
Mentioned them in last blog. But to repeat, the whole snorkeling thing scared me. Made me literally sick. I simply couldnt get past it, started having all types of morbid thoughts and flashes. So staying on boat, lying in sun made more sense. I got wicked red the first day, played it safe on other days, laid out most of last day, came home with uneven burn/tan which faded nicely in time for this weekend's 80s plus! Kids look great. Plus the whole Flor Rider experience captured on video. Good stuff (even the falls, flops and head bops).
I am sure there is much much more I am forgetting. It was an action packed, fulsome, diverse trip. Exactly as it should have been. The kids loved it.
. . . . . .
But of course, it wouldnt be us if some sort of drama did not ensue. In addition to the random kid stuff, Brett being a witness to an assualt by an adult on the basketball court where he had to give a report (and track me down during love and marriage), Brett leaving us hilarious voicemail, sarcastically complaining one night that he couldnt reach us by phone or text (of course not our fault as at that time, no service), getting charged for a pay per view movie that never came on, getting charged an extra 40 bucks instead of discount price for the metabollism, stomach shrining detox treatment I did on last day (Dawn got roped in for all types of skin stuff for her relaxation stuff, whereas I smartly resisted spending 3 thousand dollars for a year-long algae detoxification program despite the excellent presentation by the nice therapist from South Africa), some other service issues, Dylan being overtired on occasion from too much action, not enough sleep, too much food, heat, long bus rides, me almost losing my wallet in the Dunns River Falls, Dawn getting wicked sun burn from her snorkeling/stingray experience, the kids getting a little too much in each others' faces in the room on occasion, brett hurting his finger playing air hockey (contact sport apparently) and sleeping away much of the last day from exhaustion, Dylan having trouble getting into the night club on last night, the downlight (new word alert) (as opposed to highlight) was the return trip. But not for the normal end of vacation, who wants to go home blues reasons one would expect.
No, no -- my son of course (he has my genes in there for some of the bad stuff) sadly, forgets, misplaces, loses his laptop either in Miami, on the plane, in LaGuardia at the pretzel place or the bathroom. He was rightly inconsoloable. Only realized it was missing at baggage claim. We spent an extra 90 minutes checking, rechecking the plane, our steps etc. As of today, no luck finidng. I wanted to be super mad, but since I can see that being me, and he was truly heartbroken, it served no purpose but to add flavor to the story of what it is like to be in our circle of drama!
A great trip, lousy return! In a nutshell. Future random tidbits as they come to me.
KORNY'S KERNELS OF TRUTH 8 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE
Who thinks there was a reason Detroit cut Sheffield? Put differently, he cant hit anymore and is huritng the Mest along wit hthe terrible rotation and alineup of nobodies. They will compete due to pen Santana and the 4 studs but note to Omar, this team is not built well enough to win yet.
Who thinks that the Susan Boyle story is the breath of fresh air desperately needed in a week of sick human tragedy?
Who thinks that Dunkin Donuts may be geeting (new word alert) Starbucked, in terms of food service? In other words, maybe they should just stick to donuts and coffee?
Who thinks the good weather may finally be here to stay?
Who is now a cruise travelling convert?
Happy weekend one and all!
CRUISELAG PART 2
So, the first week back from our cruise comes to an end. I did well in breaking the way too much to eat habits. I only ate 5 times a day instead of 10! Kidding. A little. Having gained 9 pounds since Brett's bar mitzvah, I lost 4 back this week just by eating normally. But have beeen unable to get to bed early. Next week, its back to disciplined sleep habits or bust! No more late night tivo, blogging, scrabbling, facebooking, chatting etc. Need more sleep to be sure!
Now, where was I in crusieland? More highlights, review style:
KORNY'S KERNELS NUMBER 1 -- BINGO
We played bingo one game. It was a B&O column game. We bought 18 cards for $55 (as opposed to 6 cards for $45 -- see, a "bargain"!). What made the experience truly interesting was that we didn't get actual cards. We got a handheld "bingo machine." Looked like some sort of ATM machine for your hand and it electronically tracked and gave you stats. A first. I kind of like finding the numbers myself and circling them. This is like auto-scoring in the bowling alley. Takes some getting used to for sure!
I have played bingo periodically over the last 35 years on random getaways. The Catskills. The corny place with the heart shaped beds Dawn and I like when the kids were in camp in Pennsylvain. Have never won. I mean literally ever. I am left wondering what I could have done with the bingo losses, the losing lottery tickets had I never played. College tuition? A nrew car? A trip around the world? Probably not. Presumably i would have lost that money in blackjack, poker etc! Anyway, Dawn I kid you not hits the first 7 "calls" and we immediately need only 3 for the Carribean cruise for 2 giveaway. But alas the Kornfeld kiss of death at bingo gene kicks right in o ntime. We go cold on the next 3 calls and on the 11th call some sheepish, 14- year old kid gets up one away, is roundly booed and on the 12th number hits the bingo! And is roundly booed then politely applauded by the 250 plus losers who apparently I poisoned with the dreaded bingo curse! They had bingo on the cruise at various times but we only played once. For the big enchalanda. That's like, we only play the lotto or megamillions when it is 150m or more, since at 100m it isnt worth our time! Speaking of which the funny little megamillionsman was on last night, over 150m, I will get our tickets later . . .
KORNY'S KERNEL 2 -- CASINO
We walked through it a lot. It was pretty. Was only a tad smoky so not awful. It was the quickest way to the photos. Coincidence? I think not says the paranoid conspiracy theorist! Anyway, I played 100 bucks worth of blackjack, played two shoes and walked away with exactly 100 dollars. Pretty impressive! Interestingly, whereas in most casions there is always craps noise and action, onthe ship no one, literally, no one played craps. Blackjack and roulette. I also did not play the two texas hold em tounraments. They take up too much time theoretically but next cruise, I am playing.
KORNY'S KERNEL 3 -- ENTERTAINMENT
3 comedians. One, Bobby Collins from NYC was hilarious. Another was being inadvertently hecklrd by a loud 2 year old girl who scream-laughed at every sentence the guy spoke. He couldn't even set up the joke without here from the balcony scream-laughing (new word alert -- scraughing). At first it was funny but after the third time people were literally glaring at the parents who brought their 2 year old to the 9 pm comedy show, and who would not stop talking so loud throughout it was actually distracting.
One production show ("Marquee") -- good not great (Broadway tribute). The funniest night -- Love and Marriage -- take off on the Newlywed Game. They chose a newlywed couple, whose combined age happened to be almost 180! The older man of course unbeknownst to the audience who selected them to participate could barely hear which inadvertently made the whole thing funny for the audience and nearly impossible for the cruise director. As an aside the cruise director was hilarious and energetic and distinctive in his own right that he actually made the shows fun on his own. Anyway, back to Love and Marriage -- they picked a couple from NC married 15 years (they were very funny and reminded you of one of the couple that would actually be on that game show! laughing, arguing, ribbing, etc.) and finally a couple married 50 years. That couple looked incredible! Tanned, rested, impeccably dressed. The man in this couple on stage looked like Hesch, the counsel/bookie for Tony Sporano (i.e. the actor now playing the chief on Rescue Me, or for a movie reference, the gentleman who courts Shirley McClain at the retirement home in the "classic" movie "In Her Shoes, which stars among others the legendary Cameron Diaz, the woman who is the lead on United States of Tara (and played Alice's obsession, Dana, the professional tennis player who dies a shocking and quick death during the L Word), and whose husband in In Her Shoes was played by the "good" Republican on Ways and Means during the Season 2 hearings into Bartlett's failure to disclose his MS, who helps Leo avoid having to publicly testify to his pre-election relapse in the hotel room while trying to raise last-minute money for Bartlett in flashback scenes . . . -- [This my friends is a true stream of cosnciousness entertainement filled references diversion from the original story!] The wife (back to the Love and Marriage thing) was polished. And they as a couple were adoreable. Questions about bra sizes, first dates, the first thing the man touches in the morning besides the alarm clock, movie that best describes their love life etc etc. Room was packed and it was howlingly funny! The poor Cruise Director couldnt help but laugh when the newlywed man, who was a ham, could barely hear a thing.
Throw in the human contortionist acrobat couple, more comedians, some magic (wea kfor me), and the evening entertainment was quite enjoyable. The Crusie director doing his Evolution of Dance imitation/rendtion was priceless. And should have made YouTube.
And of course, despite asking them every night the kids opted out of being with their folks after dinner. Every single night. They went to the Living Room, the Sports Court, did pajamas movie night, capture the flag, night clubbing, and other teen activities at Pharoh's Palace and The Crypt (adult club). Dawn and I had drinks all over the ship, outside the pub (who had a great bar singer who got audience participation in drinking songs), in the jazz club, etc. Live music all over the ship is a huge bonus. Creates a buzz. Fun. We didn't participate in the all ship parades, 70s night, etc. Not our thing even though it looked funny. We did go dancing one night ourselves briefly which was also a lot of fun.
We did Sports Trvia one night in advance of the show. Team Zen. We finished respectably. One funny note -- before the contest, the kids were "prepping" and they asked me the name of the 4 nba teams whose last name does not end in S. And wouldn't you know that the bonus trivia question was that exact one. Pretty incredible. P.S. For those curious -- Jazz, Heat, Thunder, Magic.
RCTV -- Royal Carribean TV -- hilarious. Got Foxnews, a CBS mixer channel, and 4 movies that played over 8 channels in 5 different languages (Iron Man in Portugues, French, Spanish for example), plus the cruise ship channels where you could watch the shows, the promenade entertainement, people walking by etc. Brett took a liking to Sean Hannity, which scared Dawn!
KORNY KERNEL 4 -- FOOD
We had the Main Seating for Dinner at 6 pm, our waiter of course loved the boys and was exceptionally attentive, the bread and drink man (the kids did all you can drink soda package) performed little magic tricks, Dawn bought the chef's cookbook which the waiter had the executive chef, himself and the assistant waiters sign, etc. The food vascillated between ok, good, great and exceptional.
My pet peeve -- not enough sweet, chocolatey desserts that were NUT-FREE!!! I am hell bent on opening some sort of eatery which does not have nuts. Of any kind!! I only had dessert in the dining room once because the only non nut thing was usually cheesecake! I thought the lobster/shrimp night was outstanding. The bread was great as were the salads. Appetizers were usally very good. I thought the steaks/lamb were good not great. When I went a little off center the food was just ok. On balance very good. Over 6 meals exactly what you would expect. We had one nice dinner at the steak house on board Chops. Kids loved it. As did I. Nice presentation, service etc. of course, if memory serves, no dessert for me! Not that I need it.
Breakfasts -- we did dining room twice where we met other folk, we did buffet twice, did room service once. We also did the buffet lunch the first day on the ship. We also tried all the other goodies. Seemingly every snack in the coffee shop, burgers onion rings and shakes at johnny rockets, ben and jerrys, fresh feta and good pizza at sorrentos, daquiries, and fun drinks by the pools and so on and so forth.
All in a foodfest as expected.
KORNY'S KERNELS 5 -- SHOPPING
Off the ship, to repeat hated Labadee (waste of money), barely anything really in Jamaica, modest shopping in Caymans, and awesome shopping in Cozamel. Kids bought tshirts, doodads, knick knacks, chatckes, or what Dawn and I used to affectionately refer to as completley useless objects. Moraccas, flute with name carved in it, stupid/funny t-shirts, hats, I bought a 3 Amigos sombrero (see the pisctures posted on facebook), we bought every hustler's picture request pretty much (these are super fun), baseball caps, Dawn bought great jewelry, sterling silver, etc. Whereas dawn and the kids like "negotiating" I find it tiring. Dawn does well in these barters. A master at work.
On the ship, we got a great necklace as a rememberance, some funks liquor chocolates, and many, many, many, many photos!
KORNY'S KERNEL'S 6 -- ART AUCTION
Ok, this is where we go nuts. Free champagne, raffles, plus looking at art. We have gone to two auctions and we love looking at galleries. I know nothing of art the way people who study do. I just like it. Anyway, we take leave of our senses here, but did buy two really beautiful pieces. We showed rerstraint not buying an original we loved, or the memerobilia art signatures of Ali and Frazier, in favor or true art. It was a lot of fun ans the lovely couple from Park West did a nice job. Of course then they call, slip stuff under the door every day. Once they hook you it is all over! We will need to make room in our ever shrinking house space.
KORNY'S KERNELS 7 -- EXCURSIONS
Mentioned them in last blog. But to repeat, the whole snorkeling thing scared me. Made me literally sick. I simply couldnt get past it, started having all types of morbid thoughts and flashes. So staying on boat, lying in sun made more sense. I got wicked red the first day, played it safe on other days, laid out most of last day, came home with uneven burn/tan which faded nicely in time for this weekend's 80s plus! Kids look great. Plus the whole Flor Rider experience captured on video. Good stuff (even the falls, flops and head bops).
I am sure there is much much more I am forgetting. It was an action packed, fulsome, diverse trip. Exactly as it should have been. The kids loved it.
. . . . . .
But of course, it wouldnt be us if some sort of drama did not ensue. In addition to the random kid stuff, Brett being a witness to an assualt by an adult on the basketball court where he had to give a report (and track me down during love and marriage), Brett leaving us hilarious voicemail, sarcastically complaining one night that he couldnt reach us by phone or text (of course not our fault as at that time, no service), getting charged for a pay per view movie that never came on, getting charged an extra 40 bucks instead of discount price for the metabollism, stomach shrining detox treatment I did on last day (Dawn got roped in for all types of skin stuff for her relaxation stuff, whereas I smartly resisted spending 3 thousand dollars for a year-long algae detoxification program despite the excellent presentation by the nice therapist from South Africa), some other service issues, Dylan being overtired on occasion from too much action, not enough sleep, too much food, heat, long bus rides, me almost losing my wallet in the Dunns River Falls, Dawn getting wicked sun burn from her snorkeling/stingray experience, the kids getting a little too much in each others' faces in the room on occasion, brett hurting his finger playing air hockey (contact sport apparently) and sleeping away much of the last day from exhaustion, Dylan having trouble getting into the night club on last night, the downlight (new word alert) (as opposed to highlight) was the return trip. But not for the normal end of vacation, who wants to go home blues reasons one would expect.
No, no -- my son of course (he has my genes in there for some of the bad stuff) sadly, forgets, misplaces, loses his laptop either in Miami, on the plane, in LaGuardia at the pretzel place or the bathroom. He was rightly inconsoloable. Only realized it was missing at baggage claim. We spent an extra 90 minutes checking, rechecking the plane, our steps etc. As of today, no luck finidng. I wanted to be super mad, but since I can see that being me, and he was truly heartbroken, it served no purpose but to add flavor to the story of what it is like to be in our circle of drama!
A great trip, lousy return! In a nutshell. Future random tidbits as they come to me.
KORNY'S KERNELS OF TRUTH 8 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE
Who thinks there was a reason Detroit cut Sheffield? Put differently, he cant hit anymore and is huritng the Mest along wit hthe terrible rotation and alineup of nobodies. They will compete due to pen Santana and the 4 studs but note to Omar, this team is not built well enough to win yet.
Who thinks that the Susan Boyle story is the breath of fresh air desperately needed in a week of sick human tragedy?
Who thinks that Dunkin Donuts may be geeting (new word alert) Starbucked, in terms of food service? In other words, maybe they should just stick to donuts and coffee?
Who thinks the good weather may finally be here to stay?
Who is now a cruise travelling convert?
Happy weekend one and all!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
CRUISELAG
APRIL 21, 2009
OUR CURISE -- PART 1
CRUISELAG = WORD OF THE DAY
Hey all. Needed a full day to recover before blogging our Carribean cruise. Off the charts good. I am suffering from Cruiselag. That is, the desire to eat 7 times a day, charge everything to a card, eat at midnight, shop relentlessly, lay in the sun, swim, not work. Jetlag without the exhaustion. Weening off life on a ship is no small feat! Trust me. The kids stomachs expanded and mine exponentially. Getting used to human portions, rain, commuting, being entertained, working etc is a whole decomprerssion experience for which someone should run a seminar!
The cruise was packed. The ship massive. Over 1400 kids alone. Our kids would have dinner with us and then would not be seen until close to the 1 am curfew. They too are suffering Cruiselag with the return to bedtimes more akin to that of a 13 and 11 year old.
KORNY'S KERNELS NO. 1 -- SEASICKNESS
I did not get seasick. And got progressively better as cruise went on. Last night at sea was rough. Biobands on wrist plus the patch. Kids were great as was Dawn.
KORNY KERNEL NO. 2 -- TOP 5 POSITIVES=NEGATIVES OF THE WHOLE CRUISING EXPERIENCE (MOST HAVING TO DO WITH FOOD!!!!!)
5. The "Bread Man." At every dining room dinner, the bread man comes with rolls. Sour dough. Corn muffins. Rye. Banana. Poppy seeds (bite sized). Croissants. We had on average about 35 pieces of bread at every dinner! I was partial to the Wednesday banana bread -- the only night they had it. Poppy came in second. Negative? "The Bread Man" -- At every dining room dinner the nice assistant waiter would come by repeatedly with tons of rolls and we would happily oblige. This is not good for the waistline, the carb thing, etc etc.
4. Free Desserts. Every night without fail, after having stuffed our face with salad, bread, appetizers, entrees and the dessert of the night (as an aside cool dining room "stat" -- they served over 100,000 plated meals on the cruise to the more than 5000 people) we would be inspired to go to the coffee shop for a plate of additional treats. Lemon Poppee loaf, chocolate brownie, some chocolate thing I cant pronounce, etc. This was awesome. Negative? Every night after dinner we would after stuffing our face inevitably add a plate of desserts . . . . You get the picture.
3. Doubles -- two lobsters, two appetizers, two entress. The all you want mentality is cruising. Postive equals a negative!
2. Photomania -- Positive -- pictures by the multiple dozens. On the boat, off the boat, formal, casual, playful, with hats, in front of signs, with locals, without locals, in bars, in restaurants, in front of the ship, not in front of the ship. Mkaes incredible memories. The negative? Hundreds of photos, relentless, costs a zillion dollars, kids get whiney when forced to pose etc etc. This is far more of a positive than a negative when you choose the pcis each day to purchase for the scrapbook master of our domain, Dawn!!
1. Kids on their own -- Kids freedom meant adult time every night. Casino. Shows. Shopping. Walking. Art. Coffee. Etc. Negative? Really first time we "stayed up" waiting to see if our kids :made curfew" (1 am). Plus them being out later than us confirms the aging process. Positive equals a negative too!
KORNY'S KENREL 3 -- THE RE-CAP IN STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
Glcihes -- There were some gliches of course. For example, we set up a flo rider private lesson. The first day we tried, they said all booked. Next night we set it up for 745. Strategically planned. At 550 right befor eour dinner they cancel due to only the 2 boys. Being Father of the Year I agree to pay for 4 so the kids arent disappointed. Dylan was very sad when they cancelled. The ship handled that very poorly. They never said minimum of 4. And to do that but then say pay for 4 and we will do it, was poor client service. That said turned into huge positive. Kids had whole thing to themselves to boogy board and get surf lesson, and drew a massive crown opf onlookers who were supremely jealous. Plus the lesson giver was fun with them so it worked out well.
There was apparently an incident at the basketball court involving a rambunxious adult and some kids., Brett was a witness. The lack of ship personnel near the court at night was not great. Also, found it weird pool would be open 24 hours but never any staff there to supervise -- in essence, all at your own risk.
Labadee Haiti. Great beach but crazy crazy scorching hot. And the shopping was insane. The merchants who want to sell you boxes, masks, moraccas, engraved stuff, beads, whatever are not just relentless. It is charming to be huslted for about 2 minutes then it is just downright nuts. Artisans, flea market -- couldnt walk 5 steps without being attacked. After being mauled non-stop we surrendered. The best moment for me on this excursion? A one hour nap in the hammock on the beach after a cold beer. My personal least favorite stop. In fairness though the lunch and the show on the beach were fun. But the shopping ruined it for me.
Ocha Rios. This trip was jammed. Buses, tractors. Saw the Jamaican plantation, learned about sugar canes, pineapples, the histroy of Jamaica's independence, and the country's obsession with phrase "YeMon and "No Problem,." Lunch on that trip at a beautiful beach was also great, but the timing was compressed. The higjhlight was climbing the Dunns River Falls. Was actually scary. A little crazy. Got soaking wet. Almost lost my wallet (forgot to take it out of course). Took a near header at the end. Dawn hurt her Knee but we survied it. Was worth it. I was way out of comfort zone. Loved the plantation surprisingly and all in although very "busy" fun.
Caymans -- boat to middle of gorgeous water. Kids and Dawn snorkel and swim w stingrays in stingray city. I wimp out. Fear of the snorkel equipment, ear of drowning, pit in my stomach, not being comfortable breathing with the equipment, etc etc. I opt for the boat and some sun. Kids love it, we get in some good shopping after lunch at one of 10 greatest beaches.
Cozamel -- boat to ocean for 105 ft beneath the sea submarine dive. Very cool. Then drinking eating and funning in Cazamel. Great shopping. Three Amigos and Senor Frogs.
Amazing excursions.
Tomorrow -- bingo, art auction, sports court, sunburns, the pool, the Cruise Director, the shows, the ice cream, the food, the shopping, the room, the showers, the loss of the laptop, the itenerary daily, RCTV, Iron Man, Indian Jones, 21, different languages, our head waiter, service issues in and around us, the steak house, the illusoryness (new word) of the "seapass"
KORNY'S KERNEL NUMBER 4 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO?
Wonders if he always has bad random luck (picking the wrong security line, picking the wrong lane at the toll, etc)?
Wonders if people who pay things with a card think they dont owe the money?
Wonders if the smell of Ben and Jerry's is the best smell in the world?
Wonders if he can ever have a piece of technology work at its most basic level
Wonders if Sean Hannity and Keith Olberman should get into the WWE in a Last Man Standing Steel Cage Match
Wonders if he should buy Senor Frogs and live on the beach?
Wonders if there is a recession based on the recent cruising experience and the fact that the Treasury hasnt spent all of the bail out money yet?
Wonders if the video was broken on that play in Yankee stadium?
Wonders how it is possible to lose only 3 pouns in 2 months working out eating healthy and getting sick but gaining 9 pounds in 14 days eating like the end was near?
More cruising musings tomorrow.
OUR CURISE -- PART 1
CRUISELAG = WORD OF THE DAY
Hey all. Needed a full day to recover before blogging our Carribean cruise. Off the charts good. I am suffering from Cruiselag. That is, the desire to eat 7 times a day, charge everything to a card, eat at midnight, shop relentlessly, lay in the sun, swim, not work. Jetlag without the exhaustion. Weening off life on a ship is no small feat! Trust me. The kids stomachs expanded and mine exponentially. Getting used to human portions, rain, commuting, being entertained, working etc is a whole decomprerssion experience for which someone should run a seminar!
The cruise was packed. The ship massive. Over 1400 kids alone. Our kids would have dinner with us and then would not be seen until close to the 1 am curfew. They too are suffering Cruiselag with the return to bedtimes more akin to that of a 13 and 11 year old.
KORNY'S KERNELS NO. 1 -- SEASICKNESS
I did not get seasick. And got progressively better as cruise went on. Last night at sea was rough. Biobands on wrist plus the patch. Kids were great as was Dawn.
KORNY KERNEL NO. 2 -- TOP 5 POSITIVES=NEGATIVES OF THE WHOLE CRUISING EXPERIENCE (MOST HAVING TO DO WITH FOOD!!!!!)
5. The "Bread Man." At every dining room dinner, the bread man comes with rolls. Sour dough. Corn muffins. Rye. Banana. Poppy seeds (bite sized). Croissants. We had on average about 35 pieces of bread at every dinner! I was partial to the Wednesday banana bread -- the only night they had it. Poppy came in second. Negative? "The Bread Man" -- At every dining room dinner the nice assistant waiter would come by repeatedly with tons of rolls and we would happily oblige. This is not good for the waistline, the carb thing, etc etc.
4. Free Desserts. Every night without fail, after having stuffed our face with salad, bread, appetizers, entrees and the dessert of the night (as an aside cool dining room "stat" -- they served over 100,000 plated meals on the cruise to the more than 5000 people) we would be inspired to go to the coffee shop for a plate of additional treats. Lemon Poppee loaf, chocolate brownie, some chocolate thing I cant pronounce, etc. This was awesome. Negative? Every night after dinner we would after stuffing our face inevitably add a plate of desserts . . . . You get the picture.
3. Doubles -- two lobsters, two appetizers, two entress. The all you want mentality is cruising. Postive equals a negative!
2. Photomania -- Positive -- pictures by the multiple dozens. On the boat, off the boat, formal, casual, playful, with hats, in front of signs, with locals, without locals, in bars, in restaurants, in front of the ship, not in front of the ship. Mkaes incredible memories. The negative? Hundreds of photos, relentless, costs a zillion dollars, kids get whiney when forced to pose etc etc. This is far more of a positive than a negative when you choose the pcis each day to purchase for the scrapbook master of our domain, Dawn!!
1. Kids on their own -- Kids freedom meant adult time every night. Casino. Shows. Shopping. Walking. Art. Coffee. Etc. Negative? Really first time we "stayed up" waiting to see if our kids :made curfew" (1 am). Plus them being out later than us confirms the aging process. Positive equals a negative too!
KORNY'S KENREL 3 -- THE RE-CAP IN STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
Glcihes -- There were some gliches of course. For example, we set up a flo rider private lesson. The first day we tried, they said all booked. Next night we set it up for 745. Strategically planned. At 550 right befor eour dinner they cancel due to only the 2 boys. Being Father of the Year I agree to pay for 4 so the kids arent disappointed. Dylan was very sad when they cancelled. The ship handled that very poorly. They never said minimum of 4. And to do that but then say pay for 4 and we will do it, was poor client service. That said turned into huge positive. Kids had whole thing to themselves to boogy board and get surf lesson, and drew a massive crown opf onlookers who were supremely jealous. Plus the lesson giver was fun with them so it worked out well.
There was apparently an incident at the basketball court involving a rambunxious adult and some kids., Brett was a witness. The lack of ship personnel near the court at night was not great. Also, found it weird pool would be open 24 hours but never any staff there to supervise -- in essence, all at your own risk.
Labadee Haiti. Great beach but crazy crazy scorching hot. And the shopping was insane. The merchants who want to sell you boxes, masks, moraccas, engraved stuff, beads, whatever are not just relentless. It is charming to be huslted for about 2 minutes then it is just downright nuts. Artisans, flea market -- couldnt walk 5 steps without being attacked. After being mauled non-stop we surrendered. The best moment for me on this excursion? A one hour nap in the hammock on the beach after a cold beer. My personal least favorite stop. In fairness though the lunch and the show on the beach were fun. But the shopping ruined it for me.
Ocha Rios. This trip was jammed. Buses, tractors. Saw the Jamaican plantation, learned about sugar canes, pineapples, the histroy of Jamaica's independence, and the country's obsession with phrase "YeMon and "No Problem,." Lunch on that trip at a beautiful beach was also great, but the timing was compressed. The higjhlight was climbing the Dunns River Falls. Was actually scary. A little crazy. Got soaking wet. Almost lost my wallet (forgot to take it out of course). Took a near header at the end. Dawn hurt her Knee but we survied it. Was worth it. I was way out of comfort zone. Loved the plantation surprisingly and all in although very "busy" fun.
Caymans -- boat to middle of gorgeous water. Kids and Dawn snorkel and swim w stingrays in stingray city. I wimp out. Fear of the snorkel equipment, ear of drowning, pit in my stomach, not being comfortable breathing with the equipment, etc etc. I opt for the boat and some sun. Kids love it, we get in some good shopping after lunch at one of 10 greatest beaches.
Cozamel -- boat to ocean for 105 ft beneath the sea submarine dive. Very cool. Then drinking eating and funning in Cazamel. Great shopping. Three Amigos and Senor Frogs.
Amazing excursions.
Tomorrow -- bingo, art auction, sports court, sunburns, the pool, the Cruise Director, the shows, the ice cream, the food, the shopping, the room, the showers, the loss of the laptop, the itenerary daily, RCTV, Iron Man, Indian Jones, 21, different languages, our head waiter, service issues in and around us, the steak house, the illusoryness (new word) of the "seapass"
KORNY'S KERNEL NUMBER 4 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO?
Wonders if he always has bad random luck (picking the wrong security line, picking the wrong lane at the toll, etc)?
Wonders if people who pay things with a card think they dont owe the money?
Wonders if the smell of Ben and Jerry's is the best smell in the world?
Wonders if he can ever have a piece of technology work at its most basic level
Wonders if Sean Hannity and Keith Olberman should get into the WWE in a Last Man Standing Steel Cage Match
Wonders if he should buy Senor Frogs and live on the beach?
Wonders if there is a recession based on the recent cruising experience and the fact that the Treasury hasnt spent all of the bail out money yet?
Wonders if the video was broken on that play in Yankee stadium?
Wonders how it is possible to lose only 3 pouns in 2 months working out eating healthy and getting sick but gaining 9 pounds in 14 days eating like the end was near?
More cruising musings tomorrow.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I DONT BLOG FOR AWHILE!
April 8, 2009
Hi all. been awhile. No excuses. I have been lazy, preoccupied, and more interested in tv, texas hold em and vacation planning. We head for our cruise Saturday so I may or may not blog it depending on laptop reception in the room late at night. The first blog post-cruise will be "Square One" (with my working out, my eating habits, my weight loss plan). I have slipped considerably since the bar mitzvah. Havent gained a lot of weight but just developed bad habits. And while I will not make my goal weight for my 20th college reunion I do want to be respectable!
So in the spirit of Happy Passover and Easter here we go:
KERNEL NUMBER 1 -- KEANU REEVES
Ok, I am channel surfing the other night and I happen upon one of what I believe to be, what I call the "all-time best worst movies" ever. Pointbreak. Presidential-mask wearing bank robbers by day, surfer legends by night are at the epicenter of this would-be cop drama. A completely healthy and buff Patrick Swayze (reinforcing how sad it is to see pictures of him now dying from pancreatic cancer). And Keanu. It's near the end when I turn it on but it reminds me that every time I see it I am reminded of how Keanu is truly the worst actor, and the worst policeman in the movies of all time. Agent Utah. What a name. I laugh every time.
In this movie he got his girlfirend (played by the insecure something to prove sister to Geena Davis in A League of Their Own) kidnapped and nearly killed, he got his partner played by the then awesome Gary Busey (a chilli dog at 9am eating wise cracking surly vet of a cop, think fat unhealthy Mel Gibson from Lethal Weapon) actually killed, he loses the suspects in an on foot chase because his kneee blows out, he can't shoot worth a lick, and then when he chases Swayze ("Brody" -- now that's a cool surfer name) to some typhoon once-in-a-lifetime wave in some remote area of the world (where I am sure dozens of federal police would fly in helicopters) he handcuffs Brody to bring him back to the states to send him to prison, only to let his inner surfer dude dictate, and give in to Brody's demands that he get the chance to ride the once in a lifetime wave to a drowning blaze of glory.
Now with due respect to my sci fi bretheren who think Keanus is the S in the Matrix movies (full disclosure -- I HATE sci-fi, so these movies wouldn't work for me if played by DeNiro, Nicholson, Pacino, John Cusack, etc.), he is by far the single worst actor ever. In essence, every role he sounds like himself from Big and Ted's Excellent Adventure, a poor man's Jeff Spicolli (Sean Penn -- Fast Times at Ridgemont High). Plays the same dope in Parenthood (where he crashes his mini racing car into a wall gets a concussion etc.).
The dialogue at the end of Pointbreak is designed to be serious, drama and you will burst out laughing if you ever watch it. "It had to be that way." "Are you surfing?" "Every day?" "People got hurt." "Yeah, it went bad. Real bad." I mean you can't make this sort of stuff up.
You know how you know he's a bad cop? Because you are rooting for the bad guy. Seriously, when I watch Clint play a cop you can't wait for him to exact revenge. Same with Glover and Gibson in Lethal Weapon. Willis in Die Hard. But with Keanu, you hope he drowns in the wave, or that Dennis Hopper blows Keanu up on the bus during Speed! Don;t even get me started about his efforts to play the leading man in romance movies (that stupid movier where he played the guy from the war, the lake movie, and so on).
Pointbreak is a must-see BECAUSE of how stuipid the dialogue is, and how badly Keanu delivers it. And because Swayze makes the most out of this ridiculous role, with Gary Busey in his pre-brain damaged prime, and Swayze's sidekick, who is a true bad ass. Gets shot and then sky dives out of the plane hoping to survive giving Keanu the proverbial finger as he does. Pretty cool.
As a footnote, Swayze is in another "all-time best worst movies' ever -- Roadhouse. He plays a philosophical "cooler" (distinct from a bouncer) who goes in to clean up the corrupt local town. Kelly Lynch is the apple of his eye as she plays the doctor who treats him after he takes a knifing during one of the bar brawls. The movie is so ridiculous its actually entertaining. His old mentor sidekick with the handlbar mustache who looks 70 years old gets killed and Swayze exacts revenge. He is tormented you see by having killed a man in a prior cooling incident years earlier and simply is trying to outrun his inner torment. Seriously. In any event, recent WWE Hall of Fame inductee, and hard-core legend Terry Funk delivers the line of the movie. "You don't look like shit to me." Swayze responds intellectually with the classic retort "Opinions vary." Funk's facial reaction to that line is so well delivered its worth the price of Netflix to rent it. So too the blind guy who plays paino and sings in the cage at the bar.
3 other "best worst" movies (which are arguably different than "guilty pleasures" movies and "overrated critically acclaimed movies") include: (i) Over the Top (Stallone the arm wrestler who has to win to win back his son's affection and respect); (ii) Celtic Pride (Dan Akroyd and Daniel Stern (who is far far far away from his funny turn in City Slickers as the slacker friend with the miserable wife, the affair with the check out girl, who develops a mini crush on the woman who played Billy Jean, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the woman Michael J Fox falls in love with in Secret of My Success [Krsitine Swanson] kidnapping Daymon Wayans) and (iii) Eddie (Whoopi Goldberg as loyal Knick fan who is literally plucked out of the back row and made coach of the team by her then lover, and Academy Award nominee Loggia for Nixon, to compete against Dennis Ferinnia who plays tons of over the top would-be mob guys often).
One day I will do a whole top 10 of these, guilty pleasures, etc. As a footnote overrated critically acclaimed movies include "Last of the Mohicans, Dances with Wolves (Costner will get his own blog one day), Piano (I love Harvey Keitel and this was by far one of the worst movies I have ever seen and went on to win like a million awards), My Left Foot (Daniel Day Lewis thing), and Kiss of a Spiderwoman.
KENREL NUMBER 2 -- SMELLS
Lately, I cannot help but notice a ton of disgusting smells in NYC. First, the other day every street smelled like bum. I mean literally. Nauseating horiffic body odorish bum. Could not find a street that worked. And this led me to think about the other hideous smells that I have been encountering.
On the corner of 52nd and lex waiting to cross the street every day I am overpowered by the disgusting aroma of what I think is a batch of their cinnamon icing. But is awful. Vomitously so. it is only surpassed by the smell of Subways in the morning as it opens and is baking bread. Then there is the smell of steakhouses at 9am. Pass by one at night and it is inviting. Pass by one during the moring before coffee and it is just bad.
KERNEL NUMBER 3 -- WRESTLEMANIA 25
I was about 50% on my predictions. We did watch one of the best matches of all time in Taker-Michaels. Worth the money!
KERNEL NUMBER 4. -- UCONN WOMEN
Wow. Dominant. What an incredible run. 39-0. That is pretty impressive for any sport. Little league, CYO hoops. I wonder if Coach Gino could enjoy such success in men's hoops. Would be cool to find out -- might highlight differences between the sports, or signal that basketball is basketball regardless of level, gender, etc. I wonder about these things.
Plus I won my one and only Men's NCAA pool this year by nailing the Final Four, the Final 2 and the Champs. NC was the real deal from Day 1. Roy Williams is now the man in college hoops coaching. Izzo with 5 final 4s in 11 years need not take a back seat to the rest of the coaching fraternity. Nice to see Nova back in Final 4 24 years since Rollie gave me my favorite non-Yankee sports moment ever.
KERNEL NUMBER 5 -- SIR-MIX-A-LOT AND FRIENDS
What do you get when you combine SIR-MIX-A-LOT, rapper deluxe of classic one hit wonder "Baby Got Back", the Burger King King, Sponge Bob, dancing women with phone books? Arguably the single dumbest commerical ever. Sounds about right. I am thinking Ronald McDonald needs to take the Burger King King to the woodshed, old school mascot style. And perhaps Tone Loc, or maybe even the Sugar Hill Gang needs to speak with Mix (who incidentally looks like he shed a few pounds over the years so cool for him). Maybe its my anti Sponge Bob. I don't know.
KERNEL NUMBER 6 -- BASEBALL
Too early to get excited. Yanks will only go as far as their pitching. Would be nice if they didn't give away April every year but that it seems two games in might be too much to ask. Met fans will be happy all summer as they have the horses to compete all season with the new bullpen. Beware the TO effect of Gary Scheffield. Once a lethal hitter, I suspect he will be released by June 15. At this stage his bat and talent are more than offset by his reputation as clubhouse destoryer (fairly or unfairly). I think it will look a lot like last year. Phils, Cubs, Dodgers and then the Mets. Yanks, Tampa, Red Sox, Angels, Twins will compete. Surprise team in NL -- Florida. in AL -- Texas (no pitching but will improve).
KERNEL NUMBER 7 -- RANDOM NOTES
Lie to Me is officially becoming the best/coolest show on tv.
Rooftop bars in NYC are awesome.
I think we have finally emerged from the post-bar mitzvah hangover. Now on to Dylan's! (October 30 2010!!)
How's the economy treating everybody?
Knicks seem to be mailing in the season's end. 30 wins. Wow. Irony is that Charlotte coached by
Larry Brown with lesser talent outperferformed them. Celtics will win the title again if Garnett is healthy.
On any given day we have trouble with the garage doors, the remote control, the Internet. We would like to take these for granted, please.
During baseball season I like reading USA today for the little daily baseball blurbs. And the transactions report.
Tiger will win the Masters this weekend. Again.
Is it wrong to be hungry all the time?
How do I get in the Eminem new celebrity mocking video?
KERNEL NUMBER 8 -- AM I THE ONLY WHO WONDERS?
If I can hire a FB assistant to go through what I want to read and what I don't?
If Rescue Me will have its best season yet with a 6-episode arc including the incredible Michael J Fox, playing a wheelchair bound wise cracker involved with Tommy's (Dennis Leary) ex wife?
If Kelly Pickler will win a country music award a la Carrie Underwood?
If the Kornfeld family vacation can be drama free? The pre-departure stress, panic of checking lists and making sure every one is packed and ready to go could be the makings of a reality tv show.
If the Knicks should honor the sad and untimely passing of Marvin the Eraser Webster with "Eraser Night" at the Garden?
If Seth Rogen could be any funnier?
If the passing of Lipstick Jungle qualifies as a traghic tv death or mercy killing?
If any one noticed the end of Life on Mars?
How is it possible that John Stamos and Bob Saget are both on tv, so too Stamos' love interest from Full House (she plays th mom on the new 90210), but not the goofy other guy?
How is it possible that they could do a Melrose place re-make and not have Marcia Coss guest star as the dimented Kimberly? heather Locklear will eventually be the show's star again which is cool since she hasnt really aged since they last were on the air.
How is it possible that Fast and the Furious 4, with Vin Diesel having returned after missing the middle 2 and 3, had a record-breaking first wekeend and will do over $150m?
If my blog could be any longer about non world events?
HAPPY PASSOVER AND EASTER ALL. MUCH LOVE.
KORNY
Hi all. been awhile. No excuses. I have been lazy, preoccupied, and more interested in tv, texas hold em and vacation planning. We head for our cruise Saturday so I may or may not blog it depending on laptop reception in the room late at night. The first blog post-cruise will be "Square One" (with my working out, my eating habits, my weight loss plan). I have slipped considerably since the bar mitzvah. Havent gained a lot of weight but just developed bad habits. And while I will not make my goal weight for my 20th college reunion I do want to be respectable!
So in the spirit of Happy Passover and Easter here we go:
KERNEL NUMBER 1 -- KEANU REEVES
Ok, I am channel surfing the other night and I happen upon one of what I believe to be, what I call the "all-time best worst movies" ever. Pointbreak. Presidential-mask wearing bank robbers by day, surfer legends by night are at the epicenter of this would-be cop drama. A completely healthy and buff Patrick Swayze (reinforcing how sad it is to see pictures of him now dying from pancreatic cancer). And Keanu. It's near the end when I turn it on but it reminds me that every time I see it I am reminded of how Keanu is truly the worst actor, and the worst policeman in the movies of all time. Agent Utah. What a name. I laugh every time.
In this movie he got his girlfirend (played by the insecure something to prove sister to Geena Davis in A League of Their Own) kidnapped and nearly killed, he got his partner played by the then awesome Gary Busey (a chilli dog at 9am eating wise cracking surly vet of a cop, think fat unhealthy Mel Gibson from Lethal Weapon) actually killed, he loses the suspects in an on foot chase because his kneee blows out, he can't shoot worth a lick, and then when he chases Swayze ("Brody" -- now that's a cool surfer name) to some typhoon once-in-a-lifetime wave in some remote area of the world (where I am sure dozens of federal police would fly in helicopters) he handcuffs Brody to bring him back to the states to send him to prison, only to let his inner surfer dude dictate, and give in to Brody's demands that he get the chance to ride the once in a lifetime wave to a drowning blaze of glory.
Now with due respect to my sci fi bretheren who think Keanus is the S in the Matrix movies (full disclosure -- I HATE sci-fi, so these movies wouldn't work for me if played by DeNiro, Nicholson, Pacino, John Cusack, etc.), he is by far the single worst actor ever. In essence, every role he sounds like himself from Big and Ted's Excellent Adventure, a poor man's Jeff Spicolli (Sean Penn -- Fast Times at Ridgemont High). Plays the same dope in Parenthood (where he crashes his mini racing car into a wall gets a concussion etc.).
The dialogue at the end of Pointbreak is designed to be serious, drama and you will burst out laughing if you ever watch it. "It had to be that way." "Are you surfing?" "Every day?" "People got hurt." "Yeah, it went bad. Real bad." I mean you can't make this sort of stuff up.
You know how you know he's a bad cop? Because you are rooting for the bad guy. Seriously, when I watch Clint play a cop you can't wait for him to exact revenge. Same with Glover and Gibson in Lethal Weapon. Willis in Die Hard. But with Keanu, you hope he drowns in the wave, or that Dennis Hopper blows Keanu up on the bus during Speed! Don;t even get me started about his efforts to play the leading man in romance movies (that stupid movier where he played the guy from the war, the lake movie, and so on).
Pointbreak is a must-see BECAUSE of how stuipid the dialogue is, and how badly Keanu delivers it. And because Swayze makes the most out of this ridiculous role, with Gary Busey in his pre-brain damaged prime, and Swayze's sidekick, who is a true bad ass. Gets shot and then sky dives out of the plane hoping to survive giving Keanu the proverbial finger as he does. Pretty cool.
As a footnote, Swayze is in another "all-time best worst movies' ever -- Roadhouse. He plays a philosophical "cooler" (distinct from a bouncer) who goes in to clean up the corrupt local town. Kelly Lynch is the apple of his eye as she plays the doctor who treats him after he takes a knifing during one of the bar brawls. The movie is so ridiculous its actually entertaining. His old mentor sidekick with the handlbar mustache who looks 70 years old gets killed and Swayze exacts revenge. He is tormented you see by having killed a man in a prior cooling incident years earlier and simply is trying to outrun his inner torment. Seriously. In any event, recent WWE Hall of Fame inductee, and hard-core legend Terry Funk delivers the line of the movie. "You don't look like shit to me." Swayze responds intellectually with the classic retort "Opinions vary." Funk's facial reaction to that line is so well delivered its worth the price of Netflix to rent it. So too the blind guy who plays paino and sings in the cage at the bar.
3 other "best worst" movies (which are arguably different than "guilty pleasures" movies and "overrated critically acclaimed movies") include: (i) Over the Top (Stallone the arm wrestler who has to win to win back his son's affection and respect); (ii) Celtic Pride (Dan Akroyd and Daniel Stern (who is far far far away from his funny turn in City Slickers as the slacker friend with the miserable wife, the affair with the check out girl, who develops a mini crush on the woman who played Billy Jean, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and the woman Michael J Fox falls in love with in Secret of My Success [Krsitine Swanson] kidnapping Daymon Wayans) and (iii) Eddie (Whoopi Goldberg as loyal Knick fan who is literally plucked out of the back row and made coach of the team by her then lover, and Academy Award nominee Loggia for Nixon, to compete against Dennis Ferinnia who plays tons of over the top would-be mob guys often).
One day I will do a whole top 10 of these, guilty pleasures, etc. As a footnote overrated critically acclaimed movies include "Last of the Mohicans, Dances with Wolves (Costner will get his own blog one day), Piano (I love Harvey Keitel and this was by far one of the worst movies I have ever seen and went on to win like a million awards), My Left Foot (Daniel Day Lewis thing), and Kiss of a Spiderwoman.
KENREL NUMBER 2 -- SMELLS
Lately, I cannot help but notice a ton of disgusting smells in NYC. First, the other day every street smelled like bum. I mean literally. Nauseating horiffic body odorish bum. Could not find a street that worked. And this led me to think about the other hideous smells that I have been encountering.
On the corner of 52nd and lex waiting to cross the street every day I am overpowered by the disgusting aroma of what I think is a batch of their cinnamon icing. But is awful. Vomitously so. it is only surpassed by the smell of Subways in the morning as it opens and is baking bread. Then there is the smell of steakhouses at 9am. Pass by one at night and it is inviting. Pass by one during the moring before coffee and it is just bad.
KERNEL NUMBER 3 -- WRESTLEMANIA 25
I was about 50% on my predictions. We did watch one of the best matches of all time in Taker-Michaels. Worth the money!
KERNEL NUMBER 4. -- UCONN WOMEN
Wow. Dominant. What an incredible run. 39-0. That is pretty impressive for any sport. Little league, CYO hoops. I wonder if Coach Gino could enjoy such success in men's hoops. Would be cool to find out -- might highlight differences between the sports, or signal that basketball is basketball regardless of level, gender, etc. I wonder about these things.
Plus I won my one and only Men's NCAA pool this year by nailing the Final Four, the Final 2 and the Champs. NC was the real deal from Day 1. Roy Williams is now the man in college hoops coaching. Izzo with 5 final 4s in 11 years need not take a back seat to the rest of the coaching fraternity. Nice to see Nova back in Final 4 24 years since Rollie gave me my favorite non-Yankee sports moment ever.
KERNEL NUMBER 5 -- SIR-MIX-A-LOT AND FRIENDS
What do you get when you combine SIR-MIX-A-LOT, rapper deluxe of classic one hit wonder "Baby Got Back", the Burger King King, Sponge Bob, dancing women with phone books? Arguably the single dumbest commerical ever. Sounds about right. I am thinking Ronald McDonald needs to take the Burger King King to the woodshed, old school mascot style. And perhaps Tone Loc, or maybe even the Sugar Hill Gang needs to speak with Mix (who incidentally looks like he shed a few pounds over the years so cool for him). Maybe its my anti Sponge Bob. I don't know.
KERNEL NUMBER 6 -- BASEBALL
Too early to get excited. Yanks will only go as far as their pitching. Would be nice if they didn't give away April every year but that it seems two games in might be too much to ask. Met fans will be happy all summer as they have the horses to compete all season with the new bullpen. Beware the TO effect of Gary Scheffield. Once a lethal hitter, I suspect he will be released by June 15. At this stage his bat and talent are more than offset by his reputation as clubhouse destoryer (fairly or unfairly). I think it will look a lot like last year. Phils, Cubs, Dodgers and then the Mets. Yanks, Tampa, Red Sox, Angels, Twins will compete. Surprise team in NL -- Florida. in AL -- Texas (no pitching but will improve).
KERNEL NUMBER 7 -- RANDOM NOTES
Lie to Me is officially becoming the best/coolest show on tv.
Rooftop bars in NYC are awesome.
I think we have finally emerged from the post-bar mitzvah hangover. Now on to Dylan's! (October 30 2010!!)
How's the economy treating everybody?
Knicks seem to be mailing in the season's end. 30 wins. Wow. Irony is that Charlotte coached by
Larry Brown with lesser talent outperferformed them. Celtics will win the title again if Garnett is healthy.
On any given day we have trouble with the garage doors, the remote control, the Internet. We would like to take these for granted, please.
During baseball season I like reading USA today for the little daily baseball blurbs. And the transactions report.
Tiger will win the Masters this weekend. Again.
Is it wrong to be hungry all the time?
How do I get in the Eminem new celebrity mocking video?
KERNEL NUMBER 8 -- AM I THE ONLY WHO WONDERS?
If I can hire a FB assistant to go through what I want to read and what I don't?
If Rescue Me will have its best season yet with a 6-episode arc including the incredible Michael J Fox, playing a wheelchair bound wise cracker involved with Tommy's (Dennis Leary) ex wife?
If Kelly Pickler will win a country music award a la Carrie Underwood?
If the Kornfeld family vacation can be drama free? The pre-departure stress, panic of checking lists and making sure every one is packed and ready to go could be the makings of a reality tv show.
If the Knicks should honor the sad and untimely passing of Marvin the Eraser Webster with "Eraser Night" at the Garden?
If Seth Rogen could be any funnier?
If the passing of Lipstick Jungle qualifies as a traghic tv death or mercy killing?
If any one noticed the end of Life on Mars?
How is it possible that John Stamos and Bob Saget are both on tv, so too Stamos' love interest from Full House (she plays th mom on the new 90210), but not the goofy other guy?
How is it possible that they could do a Melrose place re-make and not have Marcia Coss guest star as the dimented Kimberly? heather Locklear will eventually be the show's star again which is cool since she hasnt really aged since they last were on the air.
How is it possible that Fast and the Furious 4, with Vin Diesel having returned after missing the middle 2 and 3, had a record-breaking first wekeend and will do over $150m?
If my blog could be any longer about non world events?
HAPPY PASSOVER AND EASTER ALL. MUCH LOVE.
KORNY
Sunday, March 29, 2009
PLAY BY PLAY -- RE-CAP
MARCH 28, 2009
The re-cap of Brett's big day! AWESOME
Friday the 27th, Brett wakes up energized after throwing up and groaning in pain all day on Thursday. Happily, Dawn and I both wake up better too. Brett is not nervous at all; he's bored and doesn't know what to do with himself. In the good news category Jennifer (Dawn's best friend) and her family advise they will be coming. It was in doubt as they all were sick in Florida with a virus too. Random emails and calls from people throughout the day with tales of babysitting problems, possible delayed arrivals and related issues. But we all rest, Brett is geared up, our cousins arrive for a visit and dinner from a 12-hour drive from Ohio, we order sushi, and we watch tv rest of day. Brett going blind from videos. Dylan avoids the family bug and is healthy. Dawn, not loving my shirt and tie choices opts to steam my power blue with pink polka dots tie. Looks good.
But now as bed time Brett gets crazy. All are in bed by 9pm. But Brett can't sleep. Wired. And every time we are about to crash, he comes in to room. Dawn meanwhile now had hideous cold getting progressively worse. Can't sleep or breathe and is coughing insanely. At around 1:45 a.m. she leaves the bedroom. Not a good night sleep in the whole house but for Dylan.
Saturday the 28th -- THE BIG DAY
Alarms go off at 6 am. The service begins at 10:30 but there are 4 showers to be had, makeup, suits, belts, ties, etc. A hot water crisis as I shower but so be it. Kids are dressed by 645 handsome and ready to go. The food rule is plain roll. Dawn going through inventory of things she needs for the day (make-up, purse, water, medicines, and other emergency things).
I go for two Immodium breakfast having had stomach issues all week. Will allow me to eat all day without a second thought.
We get in the car at 750 a.m. The place opens at 830 for us. We have the Humanistic Congregation Torah we will be using (salvaged from Nazis) for the service. Hopefully at some point I can convince Dawn to post the Service she planned so people can see how the Humanisitic service she planned was organized. Anyway, we take a leisurely drive on an overcast drizzly morning. I am driving slower than usual to kill time. Dawn is in her beautiful new dress, wearing gorgeous new jewelry, Brett and Dylan handsome in their suits, me in the Navy blue Ralph Lauren purchased for the occasion. At about 811, I see an animal crossing the road in front of us. We thought it was a little tiny dog, but upon closer inspection it turns out to be a small fox, with a squirrel in its mouth. An interesting little sidebar to be sure. The drive while not long seems endless because Monroe Ct is not terribly vibrant. We pass our friends' business "Party Time Village" (kids children establishment) on the way.
We arrive at about 8:20 and despite forecast of clouds, the sun begins to emerge. A good omen.
The people at The Waterview are already geared up, and very reassuring. We go downstairs to where the service portion will be held (The Garden Room). And our first mini blip. The room while lovely has a layout problem. The way the seats are set up certain side angle seats will be blocked by columns and will not be able to cleanly see Brett do his Torah reading or his self-written Project. So we do some re-decorating, move some flowers around. Meanwhile, the backdrop with the water is gorgeous as the sun comes out more.
The people upstairs are doing their thing setting up the "football tunnel" for Brett's bar mitzvah party. The dance floor people from Durants are on time and already there putting in the huge dance floor we have added. Brett is having over 100 adults and over 80 kids. The people from Confetti who helped Dawn organize the party are wonderful and outstanding. The "tent" for the tailgating section (Brett's theme is a football one) is set up. The centerpieces, the blown up posters of Brett in football and other gear and professionals are perfect against the back wall (we took 3/4 of the huge room). The games (pop a shot, tripart air hockey, the folks from Interactive Entertainment, already there doing their thing) are well-spaced.
The photo man is on time so we are doing family photos from 845-930 or so. First us, then with grandparents, then with Aunt and Uncle from my side. My parents arrive looking good. But Dawn is getting a little nervous because the video/dj company has not yet arrived as of 945. Since the service is to start at 1030, Dawn is stressing. I quietly have the Waterview put in a where are you call. There is some consternation because the day before the Whitestone Bridge had been shut down for a zillion hours, and lots of people are coming from Long Island including these folks. Anyway, shortly after we place the call the DJ Yaehnny van pulls into the place as Dawn, myself and the boys are outside taking pictures. Brett doesn't love the outdoor pictures because his allergies are bad and the sun is in his eyes but we get some good shots with the water behind us.
At right around 10, I take a peek inside the party room. Dawn's vision coming to life. VIP placecards, life-size cut-outs of football players scattered throughout the room, each table with huge centerpieces with name of team wrapped at bottom with grass or turf planted, with an actual cut out player with the color and unform and number and name on the front. The tailgate tent has an actual barbeque which when you lift the cover has BAK (Brett Adam Kornfeld) water bottles. A huge cut out of Brian Westbrook's eagle unifrom (Westbrook is Number 36 on the Philadelphia Eagles, Brett's favorite team) with Brett's head inside the helmet. The DJ booth getting set up, the tables all set, half a dozen uniforms which say Kornfeld 13 (from different teams) hanging from the rafters, the party favors for the kids (huge blankets with Brett's logo) also set up. The party room coming together.
Guest start arriving shortly at or around 10 am. The service room downstairs now looks great. We start greeting people both up and down stairs for the next thirty minutes.
The service starts at around 10:40. Ten minutes later than we had said but no big deal. No real distractions. Brett truly rises to the occasion and does his Hebrew portion flawlessly, then delivers a really socially conscious and profound Project on Tzedakah and the importance of making it a part of your life (Tzedakah is a form of charity). Brett talks about his struggles and experiences in integrating the principles of sacrifice into his own life. He talks about his experience doing community service at the Jewish home for the elderly. He talks about what it all means to him. He talks of examples of service that have moved him. All in all his 10 minute project is really well-delivered. A proud moment. He then caps it with his "speech" thanking people which was very moving. His brother gives a great "top ten" list as to reasons why he loves his brother. Dawn gives her remarks and does not cry. I give a few comments reserving my more profound sentiments for the party.
All in all, a festive, error free, well-paced beautifully customized service by Dawn, perfectly delivered by Brett, creating a perfect memory. After lighting memorial candles, doing the blessings over bread and wine, exchanging gifts with the congregation, the entire service is done by 1130 a.m. on the dot. We step outside for 20 minutes for kiddish of wine and challah. By 11:50 its cocktail time. Brett was a true rock star on this day. Self-confident, poised, mature, well-spoken, thoughtful, humble, appreciative, deep, and personable. He was truly outstanding. Far better than we ever could have dreamed, or I ever was!
Cocktail hour -- always a personal favorite. I didn't ever actually see the Magician who I heard was really good. The kids all seemed to like the other cocktail hour entertainemnt "Game Show on Wheels." The hot pastrami station was my personal favorite carving station. But as we do in Kornfeld land, food was in excessive abundance! Passed Lamb chops, crab cakes, spanikova, and chicken skewers to name a few of the passed tastings, carving stations of hot turkey and flank steak, the kids corner with egg rolls, mozzarella, poppers, mini burgers, among others; chicken wings station, the asian station (dumplings, sweet and sours, general tso, lo mein), the tex-mex station (tacos, quesadilla type things), dual pasta stations, cocktail shrimps, and so on and so on. People were stuffed in first 20 minutes! Sun was out so people were able to walk right outside and take in the water view in the fresh air. Well spaced out and deftly handled by the staff. The best part -- plenty of room. Probably needed a second bar but it was big enough and lines for drinks moved quickly.
At about 1 pm we went upstairs. Room was ROCKING. Everything was perfect. DJ was off the charts. Loud, energized. Huge dancefloor. And for the next 4 hours we partied, danced, ate, drank. Chocolate fountain. Surprises during the hora (guest dressed as orthodox jews). Brett and Dawn do a surprise choreographed mother-son dance which will hit You Tube I am sure some time this week. We get re-introduced to the theme from Monday night football. The dancers are in referee jerseys to start. We run through "the crowd" . Kids are hanging getting Iskins, photmagic stuff, in the taligate section, by Brett's Snack shack. The filet, shrimp, checkin combo gets great reviews. Uncle Jon (Brett's godfather) and I do a quasi reprise of our teen years rapping out to The Sugar Hill Gang's "Rapper's Delight" (will show up on the video). The Brett montage is awesome, the DJ and crew are amazingly fun, they do a fast-paced Tv Trivia game, I give a heartfelt speech/toast which competes with the vianese dessert buffet, the ridiculously decadent chocolate fountain and the make your won sundae dessert bar section. USA-Russia hockey, tri air hockey double pop a shot are occupied all day. 80 plus kids are non-stop energy. Dawn and I get in a brief dance of Billy Joel's "You are my home". I notice that all of Brett's girl friends are tall, and look like 19! Eating, playing, dancing, emotional, energized, exhausting amazing party! Room looked incredible, service was impeccable, food excellent and most of all smiles everywhere. But for the "noise" (loud dj and music) adversely affecting those a little more senior or those who had a few drinks at cocktail hour, it was a blast.
Kids on way out get to raid the "candy to go" table! Grab huge bags with take-aways. Growns ups raided the candy table too! Big huge "bags" to go for the long rides home!
After 2 years of Dawn's hard work, and Brett's efforts, it all came together amazingly. It was truly a day for the ages. It was as close to perfect as there is which is no small thing since on these days any one of a million things could go wrong.
KERNEL 1 -- We had the time of our lives.
Pictures and more to follow in the coming weeks. Can't wait for people to see some of what is described here.
The re-cap of Brett's big day! AWESOME
Friday the 27th, Brett wakes up energized after throwing up and groaning in pain all day on Thursday. Happily, Dawn and I both wake up better too. Brett is not nervous at all; he's bored and doesn't know what to do with himself. In the good news category Jennifer (Dawn's best friend) and her family advise they will be coming. It was in doubt as they all were sick in Florida with a virus too. Random emails and calls from people throughout the day with tales of babysitting problems, possible delayed arrivals and related issues. But we all rest, Brett is geared up, our cousins arrive for a visit and dinner from a 12-hour drive from Ohio, we order sushi, and we watch tv rest of day. Brett going blind from videos. Dylan avoids the family bug and is healthy. Dawn, not loving my shirt and tie choices opts to steam my power blue with pink polka dots tie. Looks good.
But now as bed time Brett gets crazy. All are in bed by 9pm. But Brett can't sleep. Wired. And every time we are about to crash, he comes in to room. Dawn meanwhile now had hideous cold getting progressively worse. Can't sleep or breathe and is coughing insanely. At around 1:45 a.m. she leaves the bedroom. Not a good night sleep in the whole house but for Dylan.
Saturday the 28th -- THE BIG DAY
Alarms go off at 6 am. The service begins at 10:30 but there are 4 showers to be had, makeup, suits, belts, ties, etc. A hot water crisis as I shower but so be it. Kids are dressed by 645 handsome and ready to go. The food rule is plain roll. Dawn going through inventory of things she needs for the day (make-up, purse, water, medicines, and other emergency things).
I go for two Immodium breakfast having had stomach issues all week. Will allow me to eat all day without a second thought.
We get in the car at 750 a.m. The place opens at 830 for us. We have the Humanistic Congregation Torah we will be using (salvaged from Nazis) for the service. Hopefully at some point I can convince Dawn to post the Service she planned so people can see how the Humanisitic service she planned was organized. Anyway, we take a leisurely drive on an overcast drizzly morning. I am driving slower than usual to kill time. Dawn is in her beautiful new dress, wearing gorgeous new jewelry, Brett and Dylan handsome in their suits, me in the Navy blue Ralph Lauren purchased for the occasion. At about 811, I see an animal crossing the road in front of us. We thought it was a little tiny dog, but upon closer inspection it turns out to be a small fox, with a squirrel in its mouth. An interesting little sidebar to be sure. The drive while not long seems endless because Monroe Ct is not terribly vibrant. We pass our friends' business "Party Time Village" (kids children establishment) on the way.
We arrive at about 8:20 and despite forecast of clouds, the sun begins to emerge. A good omen.
The people at The Waterview are already geared up, and very reassuring. We go downstairs to where the service portion will be held (The Garden Room). And our first mini blip. The room while lovely has a layout problem. The way the seats are set up certain side angle seats will be blocked by columns and will not be able to cleanly see Brett do his Torah reading or his self-written Project. So we do some re-decorating, move some flowers around. Meanwhile, the backdrop with the water is gorgeous as the sun comes out more.
The people upstairs are doing their thing setting up the "football tunnel" for Brett's bar mitzvah party. The dance floor people from Durants are on time and already there putting in the huge dance floor we have added. Brett is having over 100 adults and over 80 kids. The people from Confetti who helped Dawn organize the party are wonderful and outstanding. The "tent" for the tailgating section (Brett's theme is a football one) is set up. The centerpieces, the blown up posters of Brett in football and other gear and professionals are perfect against the back wall (we took 3/4 of the huge room). The games (pop a shot, tripart air hockey, the folks from Interactive Entertainment, already there doing their thing) are well-spaced.
The photo man is on time so we are doing family photos from 845-930 or so. First us, then with grandparents, then with Aunt and Uncle from my side. My parents arrive looking good. But Dawn is getting a little nervous because the video/dj company has not yet arrived as of 945. Since the service is to start at 1030, Dawn is stressing. I quietly have the Waterview put in a where are you call. There is some consternation because the day before the Whitestone Bridge had been shut down for a zillion hours, and lots of people are coming from Long Island including these folks. Anyway, shortly after we place the call the DJ Yaehnny van pulls into the place as Dawn, myself and the boys are outside taking pictures. Brett doesn't love the outdoor pictures because his allergies are bad and the sun is in his eyes but we get some good shots with the water behind us.
At right around 10, I take a peek inside the party room. Dawn's vision coming to life. VIP placecards, life-size cut-outs of football players scattered throughout the room, each table with huge centerpieces with name of team wrapped at bottom with grass or turf planted, with an actual cut out player with the color and unform and number and name on the front. The tailgate tent has an actual barbeque which when you lift the cover has BAK (Brett Adam Kornfeld) water bottles. A huge cut out of Brian Westbrook's eagle unifrom (Westbrook is Number 36 on the Philadelphia Eagles, Brett's favorite team) with Brett's head inside the helmet. The DJ booth getting set up, the tables all set, half a dozen uniforms which say Kornfeld 13 (from different teams) hanging from the rafters, the party favors for the kids (huge blankets with Brett's logo) also set up. The party room coming together.
Guest start arriving shortly at or around 10 am. The service room downstairs now looks great. We start greeting people both up and down stairs for the next thirty minutes.
The service starts at around 10:40. Ten minutes later than we had said but no big deal. No real distractions. Brett truly rises to the occasion and does his Hebrew portion flawlessly, then delivers a really socially conscious and profound Project on Tzedakah and the importance of making it a part of your life (Tzedakah is a form of charity). Brett talks about his struggles and experiences in integrating the principles of sacrifice into his own life. He talks about his experience doing community service at the Jewish home for the elderly. He talks about what it all means to him. He talks of examples of service that have moved him. All in all his 10 minute project is really well-delivered. A proud moment. He then caps it with his "speech" thanking people which was very moving. His brother gives a great "top ten" list as to reasons why he loves his brother. Dawn gives her remarks and does not cry. I give a few comments reserving my more profound sentiments for the party.
All in all, a festive, error free, well-paced beautifully customized service by Dawn, perfectly delivered by Brett, creating a perfect memory. After lighting memorial candles, doing the blessings over bread and wine, exchanging gifts with the congregation, the entire service is done by 1130 a.m. on the dot. We step outside for 20 minutes for kiddish of wine and challah. By 11:50 its cocktail time. Brett was a true rock star on this day. Self-confident, poised, mature, well-spoken, thoughtful, humble, appreciative, deep, and personable. He was truly outstanding. Far better than we ever could have dreamed, or I ever was!
Cocktail hour -- always a personal favorite. I didn't ever actually see the Magician who I heard was really good. The kids all seemed to like the other cocktail hour entertainemnt "Game Show on Wheels." The hot pastrami station was my personal favorite carving station. But as we do in Kornfeld land, food was in excessive abundance! Passed Lamb chops, crab cakes, spanikova, and chicken skewers to name a few of the passed tastings, carving stations of hot turkey and flank steak, the kids corner with egg rolls, mozzarella, poppers, mini burgers, among others; chicken wings station, the asian station (dumplings, sweet and sours, general tso, lo mein), the tex-mex station (tacos, quesadilla type things), dual pasta stations, cocktail shrimps, and so on and so on. People were stuffed in first 20 minutes! Sun was out so people were able to walk right outside and take in the water view in the fresh air. Well spaced out and deftly handled by the staff. The best part -- plenty of room. Probably needed a second bar but it was big enough and lines for drinks moved quickly.
At about 1 pm we went upstairs. Room was ROCKING. Everything was perfect. DJ was off the charts. Loud, energized. Huge dancefloor. And for the next 4 hours we partied, danced, ate, drank. Chocolate fountain. Surprises during the hora (guest dressed as orthodox jews). Brett and Dawn do a surprise choreographed mother-son dance which will hit You Tube I am sure some time this week. We get re-introduced to the theme from Monday night football. The dancers are in referee jerseys to start. We run through "the crowd" . Kids are hanging getting Iskins, photmagic stuff, in the taligate section, by Brett's Snack shack. The filet, shrimp, checkin combo gets great reviews. Uncle Jon (Brett's godfather) and I do a quasi reprise of our teen years rapping out to The Sugar Hill Gang's "Rapper's Delight" (will show up on the video). The Brett montage is awesome, the DJ and crew are amazingly fun, they do a fast-paced Tv Trivia game, I give a heartfelt speech/toast which competes with the vianese dessert buffet, the ridiculously decadent chocolate fountain and the make your won sundae dessert bar section. USA-Russia hockey, tri air hockey double pop a shot are occupied all day. 80 plus kids are non-stop energy. Dawn and I get in a brief dance of Billy Joel's "You are my home". I notice that all of Brett's girl friends are tall, and look like 19! Eating, playing, dancing, emotional, energized, exhausting amazing party! Room looked incredible, service was impeccable, food excellent and most of all smiles everywhere. But for the "noise" (loud dj and music) adversely affecting those a little more senior or those who had a few drinks at cocktail hour, it was a blast.
Kids on way out get to raid the "candy to go" table! Grab huge bags with take-aways. Growns ups raided the candy table too! Big huge "bags" to go for the long rides home!
After 2 years of Dawn's hard work, and Brett's efforts, it all came together amazingly. It was truly a day for the ages. It was as close to perfect as there is which is no small thing since on these days any one of a million things could go wrong.
KERNEL 1 -- We had the time of our lives.
Pictures and more to follow in the coming weeks. Can't wait for people to see some of what is described here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
