MARCH 26, 2009
So two days before Brett's bar mitzvah, it is de ja vu all over again. Almost 30 years ago -- and two days before my bar mitzvah -- I was sick. I had a fever, flu like symptoms, stomach bug. Brett has a bad virus today. I mean what are the odds? Unlike me Brett does not have a nervous bone in his body and is totally non-chalant and cool about his very limited Torah reading. This is not nerves or a fear of public speaking which added to the excitement/chaos/controversy/memorableness (new word) of my big day. This is just simply bad luck.
Hopefully it will not be "de ja vu all over again" come Saturday since the ever-increasing "legend"of Brett's dad was that he and the Torah had a not-so pleasant experience that day in front of my parents, my friends, family (including my orthodox cantor rabbi grandfather) and the folks with whom my mother, the head of the PTA for the synagogue was friends, for an all-in total of about 300 people or so.
My arguably most embarassing moment ever also showed the true charatcer of my friends who were supportive and in the trenches with me, and who continue to rightfully make fun of and absue me about it all to this day -- a lesser man would never have recovered! So Brett will have my resolve to overcome:)
I am absolutely sure he will be fine but wouldn't it have been nice if we could have all been healthy without incident and drama, 200 family phone calls, six hundred emails, 17 bottles of lysol and soap, and frustration and screaming and aggravation and stress? I mean I love Dawn to death and more than words can express, but she has more stress than she needs when things are close to perfect! So I ask -- who exactly do you have to talk to around here to get some calm? And it certainly isn't god for those who were going to invoke the alleged almighty!
Anyway on to the "blog"
KERNEL 1 - IT WOULN'T BE A DAY IN KORNFELD LAND
So still under the weather, but better than Brett and Dawn, I plow to the store to load up on chicken noodle soup, bread and liquids. I get home, and like those old tv commericals, all the soups drop right out from under the double plastic bags. Right on the driveway. I then, trying to get in the door, bang my left fist and knuckles into the doorway. For no particular reason. So on balance, so far so good today! Except for the fact that the house smells like a Lysol convention (assuming there would ever be such a thing as a Lyson product dmeonstration convention).
KERNEL 2 -- KNICKS-CLIPPERS -- OVERTIME
Really? The classic game 71 "who cares" game? Even Bill Simmons would have trouble caring about this one. All of a sudden the Knicks are beginning to resmble Isiaih's merry band of quitters and stiffs. Knicks might win 32-34 games this year and that will qualify as "progress." Insanity.
KENREL 3 -- WRESTLMENAIA 25 PREDICTIONS
The boys and I cannot make it to Texas to see the Rattlesnake get inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame along with the Dragon Ricky Steamboat and a cast of others. But here are some predictions:
1. Cena wins the triple threat over the Big Show and Edge. Cena makes the 500 pounder tap out.
2. Orton beats The Game (HHH) in a classic. With outside help from Legacy.
3. Jeff Hardy over Matt Hardy in the Extreme rules brother versus brother grudge match.
4. Captain Charisma, Christian wins The Money in the Bank match.
5. Rey Mysterio defeats Wrestling God JBL to capture the Intercontinental match.
6. The Undertaker, the Phenom, the Man from the darkside defeats the showstopper Shawn Michaels to raise his undefeated streak at Wrestmemania to 17-0. He is my all-time favorite so I hope this one comes true.
7. Jehrico defeats legends Snuka, Piper, Stemaboat with Flair and Micky Rourke.
8. The Glamazon, Beth Phoenix wins the 25 woman DIVA Battle Royal and becomes Miss Wretlemania (although watch out for a swever involving 400 year old Mae Young).
KERNEL 4 -- TOP CABLE TV SHOWS
Following up the prior top 10 non-cable shows list, here is the Korny top 10 cable shows (seires) of all time:
The Sopranos (even with the hideous ending), The Shield (off the charts psychotic and Vic Mackey one of the greatest characters ever written), Weeds (brilliant), Rescue Me (Dennis Leary while a tad edgy is incredible in thyis show -- he also stars in one of my favroite sleeper movies -- The Ref, starring him and Kevin Spacey), Oz (I only saw parts but was always blown away), Curb Your Enthusiasm (its a love-hate show -- people either love or hate him; I find it awesome because he makes everyone naturally uncomfortable if that makes any sense), The L Word (worse ending than the Sopranos), Six Feet Under (the best ending of a show ever) and Nip/Tuck (no way to describe it -- just have to watch it).
Honorable mentions -- in a bit of surprise Arliss (I think he is hilarious and though Sandra Oh was awesome even before her Grey's Anatomy days); Damages (plots are too convoulted but its a guilt pleasure and Glen Close is pretty much awesome in everything). First and 10 is off the list due to OJ. I was not a fan of The Wire which people loved, nor any of the "period piece" shows (Deadwood, e.g.). United States of Tara and Diary of a Call Girl are growing on me but not enough of a track record to qualify. I have in full disclosure not invested in Mad Men or Breaking Bad, two shows alleged to be better than some on my list.Lisa Kurdwo's short-lived cable show The Comeback never took hold. But her Friends compadre Courtney Cox would make my top 13 for the guilty pleasure "Dirt" because of the madness in which she played the role of Lucy and the schizophrenic character was one of the most interesting characters ever written.
Tell me yours.
KERNEL 5 -- AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WONDERS?
Why I truly hate sneezing? The loss of control and the intensity in which I sneeze scares me. I hate it. Especially while driving.
Whether there is a really effective nose hair trimmer? I think they are all the same and don't work particularly well!
If they could survive today without high definition, the micro wave, the Internet, the remote control, cable, computers, laser printers, high-speed, navigational systems in cars (GPS), tivo, direct tv's football package, dvds, car dvds, caller id, cable televison channels. pay-per-view, espn, hybrids, iphones, cell phones and most of the technological pop culture advances/inventions of this century and the 1980s-90s? Many of us grew up without such things. My point I suppose is how quick the world changes, and how quickly we take it all for granted.
What would the world be like without the space program? I understand the employment point and the discovery concept but I do often wonder if we on earth would have been better served without such investments the last 30 years, and whether someone could explain to the regular guy how space exploration has in fact helped them, the last 25 years.
And finally, how is it possible that the obnxious, cute little teen age girl little girl from My Father, The Hero is now dying of a brian tumor as Izzy on Grey's Anatomy?
P.S. It is a terrible movie, stupid, overly sappy, strained, and asenine. Yet this week while sick I must have watched The Holiday with Queen Latifah and LL Cool J like 4 times on TBS (the one where she is misdiagnosed with some fictitious brai ndisease, given 3 weeks to leave and flies to Prague to blow her moeny and go base jump diving with an ultra-competitive and horribly miscast Timothy Hutton). I just thought people would want to know this.